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This week, on Snakes on a Train:
The listeners have spoken. An Instagram train vote went to Bullet Train with 57%, beating Source Code (sorry, Jake Gyllenhaal) by a comfortable margin, so this is a Listener Pick®. Greg and Joe also saw this one in the theater, next to each other, which is more than they managed for Snakes on a Plane. Long story.
David Leitch directs Brad Pitt as Ladybug, an assassin who is trying very hard to be at peace with the world while everyone on a Tokyo-bound train tries to kill him. Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry are Tangerine and Lemon (like the fruit), Joey King, Andrew Koji, Hiroyuki Sanada and Michael Shannon are along for the ride, and Lemon is obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. It’s a very fun movie that knows exactly what it’s doing, which makes it hard to work on this show.
Along the way: the action comedies that actually work, a “Bolivia Job” sequel pitch, a drinking game with a Thomas the Tank Engine section, and a firm ruling on the slow-motion cigarette flick.
“Listen, if you don’t have a slow motion cigarette flick, you’re out. What are we even doing here?” - Greg Swinehart, 2026
Note: This transcript has been auto-generated, so… You know… It’s not our fault.
Greg: Joe. In the movie we watched this week, there was a snake on a train. Now, a little bit of backstory. You and I were best friends way back and then we lost touch for a long time. This podcast is the remedy that to that by the way one episode at a time. If that’s reconnecting after not talking forever forever.
Greg: Okay. So I need to ask you about what happened in that. What’s the word interregnum. What happened in that interregnum. Wow. How much money do you pay me every time I say that word?
Joe: At least a dollar, I think.
Greg: Yeah. Yeah. So I have to ask you this. When we were out of touch. Did you see any movies about snakes on any vehicles?
Joe: I mean, the sounds vaguely familiar. Snakes on, snakes in a.
Greg: Car?
Joe: No, that wasn’t it. Snakes on a bus. Well, I can’t I can’t carry on this charade anymore. Obviously, snakes on a plane is the first thing that comes to mind.
Greg: Incredible.
Joe: It’s one of those movies I started a few different times when it came out because it was, like, so ridiculous. And part of my, the hard part for me about it was CGI. Snakes are just not that scary to me.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: You know. Yeah. It’s not like Raiders of the Lost Ark where they really have snakes in the shot. And yeah, although there’s a famous scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark where he falls down into the pit and you can clearly see the glass shield in front of him. Yeah. And that was only something that I picked up on like the millionth time I watched that, was.
Greg: That you didn’t catch that in 1980.
Joe: I did not catch it the first. Yeah. The first 99 times I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark. Yeah. Yeah. Snakes on a plane comes to mind. And I feel like they, as much as they can reference that in this movie, were snakes on a train. But what are your memories of snakes on a plane?
Greg: Well, it really struck me that we were not. And we don’t know why we lost touch. We just lost touch forever. And when that movie came out, I mean, is there any question your mind about whether you and I would have gone with, you know, none like zero friends? No. Yeah, totally. And so that’s what I wanted to ask, because, like, there was a Jewish guy Tucker shaped hole in my heart when that movie came out.
Greg: Now, luckily, I had a friend, my friend Greg Thomas and I, he called me and said, I think you’re the only person I called. Would you want to go to a big theater in Seattle to go see this movie? And I was like, absolutely, I’m in. Why? We didn’t reconnect in that moment.
Joe: Yeah, it’s it’s crazy. Yeah.
Greg: But snakes on a plane. My theory on that movie is the weekend it came out. Seeing it in the theater was a life changing experience. It was so much fun. Everybody in the theater was on exactly the same page. Yeah. And like when the sun rose Monday morning, there was no longer a reason to see snakes on a plane in Miami.
Greg: Yeah, it was just that weekend. It’s like a Super Bowl weekend. You know, once the weekend’s over, it’s done. Yeah, but I, I loved it. And when I went to the theater, the very first trailer, any time a vehicle was in the trailer, the whole audience started hissing like there’s a snake on whatever that vehicle was. Awesome.
Greg: Unbelievable. I would say 70% of the people in the theater had snuck in alcohol, and they were drinking it while watching the movie.
Joe: Nice.
Greg: It’s just an understood thing. Just one of the greatest communal experiences for probably an okay bad movie is generously ranking that. I don’t know if we’ll ever get to this movie. Hold on. Sidebar. Are we going to get the snakes on a plane on this show?
Joe: I mean, it should be on the list. Okay. Okay. I feel like it might fall into the category that Sam came up with of, like, where we just rapid fire a lot of movies that we. Okay, so, like, we would just, like, give it a ranking like you did, like, okay, that’s an okay, bad movie, right? Save people some time.
Joe: Yeah. You know.
Greg: That’s a good point. If you don’t know it just talking about we had a bonus episode where we finally met for the first time. Our editor Sam Cunningham, who was editing these words as we speak. Right now, Sam is the greatest. And if you have not listen to that bonus episode, it is a really fun conversation with Sam.
Greg: And he had this idea of, you should just say a movie, and I’ll let you know whether I’ve seen it or not. Yeah. What it’s rating is. Yeah. Just to get it out of the way.
Joe: And I think he was assuming that he hadn’t seen the movies and he was just going to be making them up, was what I assumed in that, because. Which would be even better.
Greg: Yeah. It’s such a good idea. Well, Joe, I’m glad we’re back together. And I’m glad that if we couldn’t see snakes on a plane, we get to redeem the situation by watching snakes on a train as we get to the show.
Joe: Let’s do it.
Greg: Hi. There’s a gun on one.
Clip: It’s the quiet car. Got a small and sad voice in his song.
Greg: There’s a gun. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, gosh. That’s nice.
Clip: I thought it was.
Clip: Talk to me. I am ready. You’re getting the new and improved me.
Greg: Because you put peace out in the world. You get peace back.
Clip: I think you might be forgetting what you do for a living.
Greg: Take the gun. Every job I do. Somebody dies.
Clip: I’m not that guy anymore.
Clip: Some conflicts require a gun.
Greg: But there’s nothing simple about this job.
Clip: Something else going on here?
Greg: Yeah. I’m not the only one on this train looking for this case.
Clip: And then there is the briefcase. Oh, shit.
Clip: It was just dusty.
Greg: The year is 2010. And author Katara is. Sokka writes a Japanese novel called Maria Beetle, which didn’t come out here in America. And now let’s jump straight forward to the year 2022. Maria Beetle is turned into a really dark, serious action movie by writer Zach Ushkowitz. Now, being that it’s 2022, the world was going through some pandemic vibes.
Greg: And when David Leach read the script he said I like it. But I can also see it being a little bit more lighthearted and funny. Brad Pitt was like, I love that vibe I’m in. Give me $20 million. And they made a movie called Bullet Train. We are talking about Brad Pitt, Joey King, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Brian Tyree Henry, Andrew Koji, Hiroyuki Sanada, Michael Shannon, Sandra Bullock is in this movie.
Greg: Hold up. Is that bad Bunny in this is Bad Bunny? I want to say Channing Tatum pops up.
Joe: Zazie Beetz is in there.
Greg: I might be crazy, but I feel like Ryan Reynolds shows up for a second.
Joe: For just a second. I love the cameo that Brad Pitt has in the David Leads film. Deadpool.
Greg: 200% returning the favor?
Joe: Absolutely. So.
Greg: All right, so jealous guy Tucker. We both feel like we’ve done this episode before because we watched this movie in the theater next to each other. Yeah. Which is at least we got to do that for snakes on a train. Let’s be honest.
Joe: Absolutely.
Greg: Joe Skye Tucker, this is a listener pick. We had a train based vote on Instagram this week, and this was the winner with 57% of the vote. Second place was source code with Jake Gyllenhaal. So sorry. Jake. Yeah. And Duncan Jones. We will get to that. Some other time listeners weren’t having it. They were like, guys, tell you what time is it is time to go down to bullet train town.
Greg: Jealous guy Tucker. What makes Bullet Train a great bad movie?
Joe: This is a really fun movie. I have watched it. It’s not gray, man level of times, but I have seen this movie easily 6 or 7 times. I always know when I do that that I can pick up a lot of like five a million drinking games just because I remember the movie. So much better, sir. I think this is David Leach’s sweet spot.
Joe: He is?
Greg:
Joe: An action like he’s got the action bona fides, but he is a comedy director at heart. I really feel like that. Mike.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: This movie is a comedy. If you took out the action scenes this could be like a zany comedy. And you know, it’s a mad, mad, Mad World kind of vibe. We had, you know, those big ensemble cast where they, you know, would just like one crazy thing after another happens. And that’s kind of what this movie is.
Joe: It’s an amazing cast. It’s a fun, interconnected movie. I think I said this to you when when we watched it. It feels kind of like the evolution of where Guy Ritchie should have gone with his career. Wow. This kind of feels like a Guy Ritchie film, but. And better in a lot of ways to me of like, hey, this should have been the movie he made after snatch, but instead he kind of has pigeonholed himself in a way, but it’s kind of got the same vibe of like, crazy underworld fast talking people.
Joe: But this is a really fun movie and it doesn’t take itself too seriously. So sometimes it makes it hard to to work on this show. Exactly. Sure. You know, because it kind of knows what it’s doing in terms of that. But this is so enjoyable to watch. I feel like everyone is having a good time and I just have to say, my favorite characters on this are, yeah, Tangerine and lemon 100%.
Joe: I could watch a million movies of those two actors together, and those two characters, and there are some really serious moments between them. I won’t spoil it yet of what happens to those characters, but yeah, I didn’t realize it when I’ve watched it. But every time now I just like I live for their scenes when those actors are in it.
Joe: And so it’s it’s Brian Tyree Henry and Aaron Taylor-Johnson playing twins, and Brian Tyree Henry has an obsession with, Thomas the Tank Engine. And it just goes throughout. And it’s hilarious and kind of poignant at points. Yeah, but this is my plea to David Leeds to please make Lemon and Tangerine spin off movies forever.
Greg: Totally.
Joe: I’ve just monologue for a while. Greg Swineherd, what do you think of this movie? I’m dying to find out.
Greg: There’s so much to get into. I agree that Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Brian Tyree Henry are the reason to see this movie. Probably. Yeah, I think saying that takes Brad Pitt for granted a little bit. Yeah, Brad Pitt’s really good in this movie as well.
Joe: Yeah, he’s really good. Really funny.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. The cast of This Thing is bonkers. They’re doing way more than they were asked. So I’m going to start this exactly the same way I started the fall guy, which I think was the movie after this that. Yeah, David Leach made. Do you remember my opening salvo of our fall Guy review a couple years ago.
Greg: I don’t it’s just this show. Can we have fun? Yeah. Like, are we just allowed to have fun in this world? I feel like that’s what David Leach is getting out of bed and asking every morning. This movie is a darker movie than the Fall guy at the fall guy is like a PG 13 semi rom com love letter to stunt people.
Greg: Yeah, but also still really silly. And lights this movie is that. Except lots of people dying, lots of blood, lots of, you know, kind of crazy kills going on. And so, you know me, that’s not why I’m watching the movie and watching it for all the other reasons. Because it’s this crew. Because it’s these people, because it’s the vibe that they’re making in this movie.
Greg: I’m all literally on board. You’re in the tank for this movie. I’m on board.
Joe: Yeah, that’s.
Greg: Right. But this is only the second time I’ve seen it. So I think that’s kind of telling. You’ve watched this movie a lot. I’ve watched this movie a little, but it was it was a joy to watch this week. I really enjoyed it. It’s just so surprising to me how like, gruesome it is at times.
Joe: Yeah, a lot of CGI blood splatter in it. Yeah, I really lean into that at different points, you know, almost to the point of farce. Like totally, you know, this is one of those kind of class. Like, as you look at it, from the 30,000ft view, it’s like interconnected stories and like how they all weave together. And so I think that was really expertly put together as a story, so that when you get to the final scene, you understand how all the characters got there and why it is a little long.
Joe: Like that’s the one note that I have. It does kind of as I’ve watched it and you know, more than you. It’s a movie that I’ve watched multiple times over multiple days. Like it’s taken me a couple days to get through it. You know.
Greg: That’s the perfect way to enjoy this movie for the rest of your life. Yeah, yeah. Just so watch half hour of bullet train. Yeah. And it’s great. Really. Doesn’t matter where you start it and where you stuff it. It’s basically the same taste all the way through. Yeah.
Joe: And it is. It feels like one of those Saturday afternoon movies where if you just like it’s on and you’re clicking through the channels, when we only had cable and it would be on, you just kind of pick it up wherever you wherever you were in the movie and watch it to the end.
Greg: Like, right.
Joe: You know, and if it’s on, I’m not changing the channel because that’s that’s a great movie and it’s so fun. And it does. And I do want to just give Brad Pitt all his flowers for really carrying this movie throughout, but also giving space to everyone else to shine. Yeah, it is his movie, but yeah, it’s an ensemble too, and I think that’s where he shines the most.
Joe: Like he’s not a movie star where it needs to be about him. I think he does his best work when he is kind of one of the group or one of an ensemble, and he has got some really funny moments throughout this movie where he just kind of says what I was thinking as the audience member, but I think the other person that’s to me steals every scene she’s in is Joey King.
Greg: Yeah, because.
Joe: She gets to play just kind of the craziest character.
Greg: Totally.
Joe: And then there’s some hilarious scenes with Brian Tyree Henry and her where she is crying and she’s kind of a bad guy in this movie. And, and he’s just like, yeah, man, I’m just captivated by a white girl tears or something like that. And it’s the funniest moment to me.
Greg: And then because she.
Joe: Is really good in this movie and her character is pretty.
Greg: Evil and.
Joe: He kind of sees through it pretty quickly, he’s like the first one that sees through it.
Greg: And that’s the thing that happens throughout this movie where they interrupt for a little levity. And let’s listen to it.
Clip: It’s scary. He said that if I didn’t do it he said or yelled or anything he would do awful awful things to me.
Clip: Then why didn’t use this thing.
Clip: Yeah he kidnaped. Yeah. And David has gone.
Clip: Oh easy I know, I least I don’t know how to use a gun. I don’t know, I.
Clip: Mean, you are. You are really. But you said you didn’t study. I mean, you’re not even afraid. Your lips quivering. It doesn’t tell you that it’s really authentic, right? Like you’re the diesel’s got kill. Yeah. I’m just.
Clip: Please, I’m just a kid. Please. How do I know?
Greg: It’s really unbelievable.
Clip: Please, please.
Greg: You. And then we find out that he’s been a little bit drugged and he falls over. Yeah, but just an interruption to talk about something else. Yeah, that happens all the time in this movie. And I loved it for that reason. That’s, you know, unfortunately, that’s kind of who I am in meetings at work. I would love to derail us for just a second.
Greg: I’ll get this back on. But yeah, give me five seconds to do this bit here real quick. There’s so many entertaining things happening around us all the time. This movie stops to enjoy them. Yeah. I mean, a peek behind the curtain of this movie is almost none of this was in the script to begin with. They didn’t get a different script writer.
Greg: Same guy wrote that. Did the rewrite two entirely changed the protagonist to Brad Pitt’s idea of a guy who feels like he has bad luck and is going through all kinds of, like, therapy. Kind of ish. I was talking about his therapist buried a lot, and all of that is just Brad Pitt saying, I don’t know what if he’s kind of like a bumbling guy who’s trying to do better, but it feels like he has bad luck and talks about his therapist a lot.
Greg: So, I mean, all of that is David Leach, Brad Pitt and everybody kind of just seeing what they can make and everybody around them like the cinematographer, everybody kind of seeing the magic that’s happening and trying to fold that in as it happens. The biggest one that I want to bring up right now is Tangerine and Lemon. Were not brothers.
Greg: There was no warmth in their relationship. They were just cold blooded killers. And then when David Leach saw those two actors talking the way they did, and he saw the connection that they had, he started encouraging them to just say whatever they wanted. Wow. A lot of their stuff is improv in this movie.
Joe: That’s amazing. That’s awesome. It feels like it feels really natural and easy. Yeah. Like that. So that’s awesome.
Greg: But the warmth between them wasn’t on the page either. And that was improv as well. And so they went with it and turned it into a piece of the movie. And it’s my favorite part of the movie. You know, when things happen to those guys, seeing them react to their brother potentially being hurt in one way or another, it is really affecting.
Greg: It’s like, oh, great, this is way better than I expected.
Joe: And that’s a credit to them because they have just the most amazing chemistry together. Like, I would have sworn that they had been acting for years together. I always appreciate like when there’s like they give each other a hard time, but there is a warmth and a love and respect below all of that. That. Yeah, that makes it for me.
Joe: Because if they were just like, they could have easily been fell into that trope of just like as you as they were sounds like as they were written of just like, yeah, hard blooded killers who just swear a lot and are, you know, a little witty. But yeah, you know, we’ve seen that a million times, but we haven’t seen characters like this that make each other.
Joe: They kind of give each other a hard time, but also really actually respect each other and like each other and yeah, you know, and they have just some really funny scenes. And then even with Brad Pitt and them, they have some, some fun scenes together. There’s one where they have like a fight scene in the quiet car, which is best just and as to everything is played for a laugh.
Joe: So it’s like it is a comedy in that way. Like the beats. Yeah, feel like a comedy throughout, even though you’re watching, you know, despicable people killing each other essentially.
Greg: Yeah. So I mean, I, I’ve said this before on this show, I think action comedy is one of the hardest things to do. Well, where you actually feel the weight of the action and you think it’s funny, and those two things actually can kind of coexist. It’s really difficult to do. Most movies fail. Yes. And it’s heartbreaking because every generation’s best actors have tried it and it sometimes just doesn’t do well.
Greg: So where I think David Leach is not entirely successful in making this movie of making, like, an incredible, great, great, great, great movie. But I think there are a lot of reasons why it isn’t that. But, it is an incredibly accomplished, funny action movie.
Joe: I mean, if we take out Atomic Blond, which we did not that long ago. Yeah, basically all of his movies are action comedies.
Greg: John Wick as well.
Joe: Yeah, the first John Wick. Yeah, sure. But I feel like Chad Stahelski, like, if you take them as like partners, you know, they both own 8711 together.
Greg: Yeah. They’re, fight choreography. Stunt. Yeah. Company. Yep.
Joe: Like, their director esthetic are very different. You know, I feel like John Wick is very serious. There is no humor in it at all. Atomic blond is kind of John Wick part two. And. But then David leads his film from then on are all they have Hobbs and Shaw, Deadpool two.
Greg: This.
Joe: And the fall Guy.
Greg: And how to Rob a Bank. Yeah.
Joe: Comes out now a.
Greg: Week from Friday.
Joe: So it’s like that is his lane. I feel like he’s figured out the action comedy. I don’t know that I trust anyone else that’s really done it. Well, who else would you think that’s done this? Well? Or as well as David Lynch?
Greg: Almost nobody I think valiant efforts are David Gordon Green doing pineapple Express with Seth Rogen, Ryan James Franco.
Joe: Maybe Richard Donner and like Maverick.
Greg: Well, yeah, Maverick. But Richard Donner, Burt on a wire with Goldie Hawn and and Mel Gibson. Heartbreaking. Horrible. Yeah.
Joe: Didn’t work at all for me.
Greg: Didn’t work at all. Yeah. James Mangold, one of the greatest directors we have living right now, did night and day with Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz. Didn’t work.
Joe: Like Tango and Cash tried to do this, and it’s. Yeah, like a dark, weird 80s. Doesn’t work at all. It’s kind of like the it’s an action movie, but I felt miss Bill that was kind of billed to me as an action comedy. And then you watch it and it’s an action movie with a couple funny lines, and the rest of it is just like, it is macho crap.
Greg: I would throw in the Deadpool movies. All three of them are very funny and great action. Yeah, so that’s incredible. Nice work.
Joe: Everybody from Hitman’s Bodyguard?
Greg: Yep. Hitman’s bodyguard. Sure. I mean, the bad boys. You haven’t seen bad boys?
Joe: 3 or 4, I have. No, I have.
Greg: Two of the best movies ever committed to digital. Okay.
Greg: We absolutely will be getting to Bad Boys for life and bad boys ride or die. Okay? I cannot wait for you to see those movies. Wait. Though, you know, an interesting companion to this movie is The Lost City, that movie with Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum, which Brad Pitt had, cameo in.
Joe: Oh, that must be what they’re referencing with Channing Tatum being in this as well.
Greg: They’re not really referencing it, but I think they were all around, and it was they were all like Covid quarantined together, so might as well. I mean, if you go back a couple episodes for us Dungeons and Dragons on our Amongst Thieves. Yeah, unfair, incredible action, incredible comedy. So maybe we’re getting better at this. Yeah, maybe.
Joe: Or maybe we as a podcast are getting better at this because we have totally nailed it. That’s what I’m what I’m hearing.
Greg: Let me give you some more, red notice Dwayne The Rock Johnson, Ryan Reynolds, Gal Gadot.
Joe: Yeah. Fair and the Red series.
Greg: Right? Yeah.
Joe: I’ve only seen each one of those movies once. I’m kind of saving it for when we do them for this podcast, so. Okay. They’re more than I remember.
Greg: I think Red was funnier than it was, actually. Actually action filled. That’s where it’s hard. So you do this a lot of times you know a PG 13 action movie. It feels like kind of just like stateless action. But it’s also funny and a good hang. Yeah. But this movie it feels like when they’re fighting they’re really fighting.
Greg: The actual choreography is obviously incredible. Okay. I have to ask you a couple more questions. Violent night. Is that a action comedy.
Joe: Probably. I would need to watch it again. It’s been so long. I have such a vague memory of it.
Greg: Where do you stand on Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare?
Joe: I have not seen it yet. That’s Guy Ritchie, though, right?
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: I feel like he’s on the edge.
Greg: We could spend six months on a Guy Ritchie movie. Is just going straight. Yeah. Did you watch Beverly Hills Cop?
Joe: Yeah, the first one. Although that was another one that I felt like wasn’t as funny as, like, it gets kind of serious and dark in a way that 80s movies.
Greg: Yeah. Could. Yeah.
Joe: Whereas I feel like like the second one and the third one obviously kind of played more for laughs, maybe a little bit of like the third Lethal Weapon is trying to be a little bit capers and where the first couple are pretty dark. I mean, we’re coming out of a time like 80s action movies are a different kind of breed where like, even the good guys and feel like good guys.
Joe: I don’t know how to explain that, but it just they felt darker than the movies. We watch now in some ways.
Greg: Kind of like, Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando. You’re questioning. Yes. He’s a good person or not.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Axel F did you see the fourth Beverly Hills second.
Joe: I could be funny for it. I just thought it was, money grab and I couldn’t bring myself to watch it.
Greg: Okay, okay. I will draw the line there. Let’s talk about the structure of this movie. This takes place on a train that didn’t have walls that they could remove. So they are actually inside train cars filming. Okay, interesting. Which is not what you would expect for this, but the trains are in the studio, and what’s outside the windows is just like green train.
Greg: Yeah, TVs or whatever. Outside the windows, it looks incredible. It is shot by just our best people. Jonathan Cee-Lo, who’s the DP for all of the David Lynch movies we’ve talked about so far, he’s doing the cameras, the lights, the lenses, just doing an incredible job inside the train. This movie is very 90s Tarantino inspired, I want to say, in the way that it’s kind of like cutting back to other scenes quite a bit.
Greg: Yeah, it also does the thing where when they introduce the character, that character’s name is on this on the screen.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: I need to ask you this, Joe, where do you stand on movies that announce a character on the screen like that?
Joe: I like it, especially if it’s done right. Like, I do feel like this movie did it right and it did it with everybody that was important up to and including the water bottle that has the sleeping powder in it, which to me was like the chef’s kiss of this. I’m like, when done right, I like it. I’m kind of for like that.
Joe: And that definitely has kind of shades of pulp fiction in terms of how how they’re doing that or Jackie Brown I think does that as well. So there’s definitely, referential to Quentin Tarantino’s a great call, but yeah, I like it. Where do you stand on that?
Greg: It puts me on notice where I have to choose to like it or dislike it. It’s one of those things where it’s like, oh, we’re doing that. Oh, did the editor get just a little bit too creative? And now and then they didn’t know how to let go of that idea. I feel like better movies don’t do that.
Greg: I’ll just say that it didn’t bother me in this movie at all that they did. But it does put me a little bit on edge that it’s a it’s kind of a cheat and it’s an old cheat at this point. Yeah, but I think it doesn’t add up to what he thinks that adds up to. Unless this is his chef’s kiss, this is exactly what I wanted.
Greg: And if that’s the case, I accept that. Yeah I’m going to watch David Lynch movies. So next Friday the new movie comes out how to Rob a Bank. And I bet it’s going to be amazing. And yeah.
Joe: I’m, I’m very yeah I think it’s going to be great. I’m very curious how it’s, how he’s going to go. Does he try to change what he’s doing. Or does he kind of double down on kind of the action comedy stuff?
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Because all of his movies also do feel different in different ways. And obviously like Hobbs and Shaw and Deadpool, he’s kind of coming into franchises. So there’s roles already kind of constructed around the universe of what he can do. Deadpool two is a Ryan Reynolds, you know, movie through and through. So it’s like, you know, and Hobbs and Shaw is in the obviously in the Fast and Furious is probably the funniest.
Joe: It’s definitely the funniest.
Greg: Definitely.
Joe: It’s the most fun you can probably have outside of the action scenes in the in a lot of the Fast and Furious movies, a great and then, you know, the fall guy and I have only seen it that one time we watched it. So I feel like I need to go back and watch it, but it is really a love letter.
Joe: It’s a, it’s an, a rom com action movie. And I remember loving thinking it was hilarious again, a little long. Like I think his movies, like he does fall in love with his characters a little bit and like, yeah, kind of tighten it up a little bit. But also, I love that he loves the stunt man and wants to show off what they can do.
Joe: And you know, and they had how was it Ryan Gosling was just perfect. And Emily Blunt, they were the perfect.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Cast. We have a couple. You know I always like to see people coming back. So I think Aaron Taylor-Johnson is also in that and a few other people. So to me it’s like when people want to work with the same director means that like they had a good time, they have a good relationship. I like to see that, you know, working with the same kinds of people is always a good sign to me.
Greg: I think no matter how you look at David Lynch’s career, you see relationships that are building over decades. David Lynch was Brad Pitt’s stunt double in Fight Club. Oh, Troy, Mr.. Mrs. Smith movie. We will definitely be getting to. Yeah. Written by our guy Simon Kinberg from the 355. Might I say my guy?
Joe: Yeah. Your guy. More your guy than my guy.
Greg: But directed by Doug Liman. Our guy from.
Joe: Guy Edge.
Greg: Of Tomorrow. Yeah. So. And the.
Joe: Bourne, the Bourne movies are some of.
Greg: The Bourne Identity. Yeah.
Joe: And chance to ski was Keanu Reeves the stunt double in The Matrix and some other stuff. And so like.
Greg: That’s right. That’s right.
Joe: The relationship between actor and stunt double. But you hear them talk about it, but you don’t always believe it. But this is like our stunt actors making good and and creating something really cool. It’s very cool to see. And then those actors coming back to work with them in a new way, that’s to me that’s like heartwarming. And, you know, oh, they’re they’re they’re actually friends and they like each other and they want to support each other’s career.
Greg: That. Yeah. Make. Yeah. Right. So David Leach goes way back with Brad Pitt and Brad Pitt said this was pretty fun to go full circle and have my stunt double be the boss. And make a movie with him. And so I will say that I think the fall guy holds together better. As far as the stunts happening within the movie, this movie we cut out to, you know, when something happens in just for no reason, like three cars are like exploding and rolling and you turn to each other.
Greg: And also there’s a fairly noticeable CGI use in the stunts. We’re just kind of doesn’t I know that’s a real stunt man doing a thing. But the way they filmed it looks fake which is such a bummer. And in the fall guy it just looks a lot more real. Like I kind of think he had learned something there.
Greg: But again I feel like this is I’m nitpicking. This movie’s a miracle. Yeah I think if we had stayed on the train more it would have been better.
Joe: Yeah I feel like there’s a, there’s like different cuts you could have made of this where you kind of take out a lot of the backstory and you just, you have more of like a character interaction getting the backstory. So instead of showing us, yeah, Bad Bunny’s kind of rise to power.
Greg: I’m sure.
Joe: There’s more of like a kind of sell the bad guy moment where two characters are talking about it or he’s talking, you know, there are different ways that you can get out of it that they don’t do. So again, I, I come back to I think it is a, a cheat and some of how they do a lot of the flashbacks and then there’s.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: A million flashbacks to just make sure there’s like it’s there. It’s bullet trains version of the Christopher McQuarrie get everybody in a room together and then let’s talk about where we are. So everyone’s on the same page kind of thing where he uses flashbacks to like, remind you of this is how this character intersects with this story in this way.
Joe: Stops. Yeah. So sometimes it’s a little on the nose.
Greg: Well, there are at least two scenes as well where they just explicitly restate everything we need to know about what’s happening. They’ve already told us, and then they tell us again to make sure we know. Yeah, it’s a Lori. Yeah, yeah. I come for a moment. Let’s talk about David Lee’s for a second. David Leach says when you’re entering a action scene, they sit down and say, what do we need to learn about the character through this action scene?
Greg: They don’t want an action scene to just be an action scene. They wanted to actually somehow meaningfully move the plot or the character forward. Do you feel like you noticed that while you were watching it in this movie?
Joe: Not when I was watching it, but it makes sense as I think about it.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Now, especially Brad Pitt’s character.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And how he is throughout the movie of like he is never he never starts the fight. He’s always trying to like, are you sure you want to do this? So we’re like learning about his character as like he’s trying to be different. So that’s interesting. As I think about that statement through the lens of this, I can totally see.
Greg: That.
Joe: What we’re trying to get from each character.
Greg: I can’t tell if it’s a master class because I didn’t notice it, and it’s happening, and it’s being snuck in so masterfully that I don’t even notice it or was it kind of not happening? Yeah, I need to watch it again. I’ll let you know how I feel after this. Okay. This.
Joe: Yeah, I can see what they mean. At least with the Brad Pitt character or like.
Greg: You know, while they’re fighting, we find out there’s going to be, a phone right there on the ground and a snake right there on the ground. And, you know, the briefcase is there now or whatever. There’s stuff like that going on that, yeah, is meaningful as the story moves forward. But let’s listen to what Brad Pitt is going for in the opening scene where Brad Pitt is talking to his handler on the phone.
Greg: This happens throughout the entire movie. Brad Pitt is talking to Sandra Bullock.
Clip: Thank you for taking the job on such short notice.
Clip: I am ready, you’re getting me new, improved me. I think we’re from a very. I am experiencing a calm like never before.
Greg: Never like I’m less.
Clip: Reactive to situations. I’m more accepting of people’s shortcomings. I was a little uncertain about coming back to work, but it’s like very says, you put.
Greg: Peace out in the world. You get peace. Brad.
Clip: Thank you. And your therapist might be forgetting what you do for a living. When ladybug.
Clip: Ladybug.
Greg: Become.
Clip: A new operational name.
Greg: Ladybug. Really? You don’t like it? You like it, I like it if you like it.
Clip: All right. Oh, I see what you’re doing, ladybug supposed to be lucky. Haha.
Greg: So we’re kind of seeing, like, he steps into a puddle and almost gets hit by a bus, and we’re establishing the vibe. Okay, Joe, here’s my potentially mind blowing question for you. Okay.
Joe: I can’t wait.
Greg: Putting Bullet Train into the last half century of action movies. We’ve talked about how action heroes have changed throughout those years, like Sylvester Stallone was, you know, that guy Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando totally established him as an action trope. You know, the guy who just handles everything and is in charge of everything? That’s kind of subverted in the late 80s with Bruce Willis, kind of the everyman.
Greg: Yeah, I feel like I’m the wrong guy in the wrong place at the wrong time. And then by 99, Bourne Identity changes it again with Jason Bourne, Matt Damon and then John Wick. Those are like the tentpoles that we always go back to. Is there a chance that bullet Train is a new tentpole where it’s a new kind of action hero?
Greg: It’s a guy who’s trying to change and all of these things that keep happening. He feels like it’s due to bad luck, and he’s really trying to focus on optimism. You know, optimists get what optimists wants, and if you put bad stuff out in the world, you’re going to get bad stuff coming towards you. It’s like a totally different kind of John McClane, Jason Bourne, John Wick kind of action hero that I feel like I kind of take for granted, because it’s also sort of like ladybug in this movie.
Greg: Brad Pitt in this movie is Lebowski.
Joe: Yeah. He’s not what we’re used to. Yeah, right. One thing I just want to add to that scene, how gloriously wet were those streets that he’s walking on?
Greg: Oh my gosh, beautiful. I can’t explain it. They’re just glorious.
Joe: So but this might be a new character we’ve never really seen. It’s like a reluctant hero right. In terms of like he does what he needs to do, but he is trying to change. And I think we I think I feel like we’ve seen another version of this, but I think this is the most successful. I feel like in the rundown.
Greg: Sir.
Joe: We have the Rock who was like trying not to use a gun. And then at the end he’s finally worn down and like, I guess because we have never seen a character like this as our hero or he’s really trying not to fight people, he is not trying. He’s not the best. He’s like, even when he’s been wronged, he doesn’t, like, just go for revenge.
Greg: Yeah, I’m trying.
Joe: To think of every fight scene that he’s in. I know, like the first one we have with Bad Bunny, it’s like he doesn’t start at like, does he start any of the fights that he’s, you know, and I.
Greg: Think he’s actively trying to talk people out of it.
Joe: And it’s hilarious.
Greg: Dropping some berry knowledge. Yeah. Hurt people. Hurt people. I know it’s my favorite line. And that’s.
Greg: My favorite thing of when he’s trying to quote Berry is when he gets it wrong. He can’t quite remember what it is. The greatest.
Joe: That might actually be one of my drinking game, because that happens quite frequently. I have a million drinking games of him getting them wrong, and then he’s like.
Greg: Yeah, it’s at a door.
Joe: Is it a window?
Greg: I really feel like because Brad Pitt is so light hearted in all of this, it’s kind of like how comedies never win Best Picture, because they’re not trying to be dramatic. Yeah, I feel like it’s very easy to dismiss the fact that Bullet Train in 2022 might have changed action heroes. We’ve been waiting for that to happen.
Greg: What if it already happened for years? Yeah.
Joe: It’s like it almost needs a sequel for people to remind. Be reminded of how good this was to go back to it. Sure. Although John Wick was such a moment and so was The Bourne Identity.
Greg: Like and.
Joe: Die Hard, like those three movies.
Greg: Changed.
Joe: Action movies.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Instantaneously. Yeah. But I mean, Brad Pitt is at a testament to him and his comedic timing throughout all of this, because he does have to be the star that holds things together, and he’s likable throughout the entire movie. Yeah, and funny and the the star, but also makes room for other people to shine, which is a again, testament to him as an actor.
Greg: And the script? Well, I don’t think it’s just his acting. I mean, the elephant in the room that we need to talk about right now is that Brad Pitt is low key. One of the best producers on the planet as well. Yeah, I mean, this guy knows how to make incredible movies. He produced Kick-Ass with Aaron Taylor-Johnson. You know what I did?
Greg: No. No duh. He produced The Departed. Have you seen The Departed?
Joe: I have seen The Departed. You may want to take that credit back, but.
Greg: He’s produced a ton of things that he’s been in, but he’s also produced a ton of things that he’s not in, which it kind of, I think, kind of speaks to what you’re getting at. You know, he leaves room for other people to shine. Like 12 years a Slave. He produced that movie. Selma moonlight, the Big Short I guess he was in the Big Short.
Joe: I remember thinking about Brad Pitt as he was rising to stardom. Yeah, that he seemed more comfortable in ensemble movies than he did when he was like the guy.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And so, like, I think of, like, even his role in 12 monkeys, which is, yeah, you know, weird sci fi Terry Gilliam movie with Bruce Willis. Yep. He has just this really small bit part, but he is hilarious and really. And steals the scene.
Greg: Just like True Romance.
Joe: True romance is another one. And even we have Fight Club, which kind of propels him to Fight Club doesn’t. We have kind of revisionist history about it. Didn’t do well at the box office.
Greg: No, no, but.
Joe: It’s one of those like cultural moment movies. And then we have the, you know, Ocean’s movies, you know? But then I feel like he was rejecting kind of the the storm making movies, even though he was one of the biggest stars on the planet. Like, he seemed happier in those movies. And so, sure, you know, there’s certain actors that I think and he’s seems to be one of them that can can make space, but also knows how to hold the center at the same time, which is a skill.
Greg: It’s kind of like the difference between someone who’s a stand up and someone who’s an improv. Someone who’s in stand up is like, I can’t have anybody else up there. I need to be in control of the whole thing. And the person who is in improv is like, I need to be dancing with people around me. And that’s what makes this thing better than the sum of its parts.
Greg: Yeah, and I think you’re right. I wonder if the best actors that have the best careers, I wonder if they’re more in the the Brad Pitt side of the fence, where they’re just really good with the people around them and they know how to, like, work as a group to make the thing really thing. Yeah.
Joe: And he’s probably I know that there’s always someone that kind of comes along, you know, because we have him and I, we have.
Greg: Tom cruise.
Joe: And and George Clooney was this for a while, but like a movie star.
Greg:
Joe: Of a level of fame that just is like mind boggling, you know. Right. We’re kind of losing that. Whereas like if I think back to the 80s and the 90s and even the early 2000, like there were movie stars and there were still like there are a fair amount of them, whereas now it does. It’s like, there’s not as many like Julia Roberts or, you know, Hugh Grant for a while or whatever.
Joe: It was like, they’re stars and they can kind of write their own way and do whatever they want in a movie.
Greg: I think it’s coming back. I mean, Shalom can open a movie, then that can open a movie, but they’re also doing really interesting things.
Joe: Yeah, I say those are the only two that jumped to mind. I think we’ll always have a movies. They’re always be movie stars, but I think we have fewer of them now.
Greg: Yeah, I think that’s right. But I do think they’re coming back. I think we’re seeing actors who just seem to do pretty well, and they’re making movies that are not IP. Julia Roberts was kind of bulletproof there for a long time. J.Lo was bulletproof for a long time. I think you should probably see any movie that Emma Stone is in.
Joe: Yeah, I agree with that.
Greg: I have to tell you one story about that I heard from Edward Norton. He was being interviewed for that movie, the invite the new Olivia Wilde movie, and he was telling the story of flying somewhere or wherever. Fight Club was going to be screened for the first time, like the international release. They’re going to see the movie for the first time.
Greg: Yeah. And, Brad Pitt shows up and he has, like, a bunch of weed, and he’s like, you want to get stoned before the movie? So they get stoned before the movie, and then they watch the movie. And when the credits roll, Edward Norton is sitting next to Brad Pitt. He looks over and Brad Pitt is bawling and Edward Norton says, like, what’s going on?
Greg: He goes, I think that’s the best movie I’ll ever be in. And Edward Norton in this interview was like, okay, now we did get super stoned. But I also think that was an authentic reaction. Like Brad Pitt was like, you know, and that movie didn’t succeed financially, but it was a generational. Yeah. In a year of generational movies, it was one of the high watermarks.
Joe: Yeah. I think I’ve heard of a version of that where like, the audience didn’t get it and he was, you know, and Brad Pitt was like, that’s the best movie I don’t think I’ll ever be in.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. There’s a scene where there’s going to be a fight, and I think it’s Aaron Taylor-Johnson who is smoking and in slow motion, he takes the cigaret out of his mouth and flicks it away. Yeah. Joe Sky Tucker. Yeah. Has there ever been a movie that contain the guy flicking a cigaret away in slow motion? That wasn’t good?
Joe: As someone who smoked for many, many years, yeah, you have to be able to do that like it is the.
Greg: Coolest thing you can do.
Joe: I used to flick my cigaret butts all over the place and try to see how far I could do it, and I was a terror, like I was terrible for the environment. And I’m sorry, but I would do it constantly.
Greg: I think one of the funniest things you could do as a human being is pretend like you’re flicking away a cigaret before you start to do something. Yeah, my friend Brandon Allen did that to me one time, and I’m still, like, laughing on the inside. That’s still one of the funniest things ever. I think it was like he was flicking a cigaret away before he air guitar, the, guitar solo in the song.
Greg: So it’s just perfect. Okay, so here’s my follow up question. Because you know what? I don’t care if a movie is good or not. If it’s good or not, not my problem. But I do think that this should happen in every single movie. Okay. Are you opposed to this idea. No.
Joe: I’m in.
Greg: No. Every single movie to be released on streaming on Tubi in theaters. Listen, if you don’t have a slow motion cigaret flick, you’re out. What are we even doing here?
Joe: Yeah, exactly. The slow motion is Zack Snyder adjacent. That’s what I’m saying. Yeah, it’s not to the level that he does. And every single one of his movies. Yeah, but there is a lot of slow mo, and I totally. I was here for it, I like this.
Greg: How many minutes can you shave off this movie with if you did everything in real time? Not slo mo.
Joe: It’s probably ten minutes shorter.
Greg: I wonder if that’s meant like TBS will do so they can put more commercials to speed up the slow mo. Yeah, you know, they do that.
Joe: They’ve got to. I mean, because this movie especially there’s I mean the every fight scene, especially every flashback is they have slow motion in it.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: The last fight scene on the train, especially the.
Greg: Old Japanese.
Joe: Guy who comes on like.
Greg: The elder Hiroyuki Sanada.
Joe: Yeah. Like every time he slices through, like one of the chairs.
Greg: It. Yeah.
Joe: Just glorious.
Greg: Speaking of, before that fight scene happens, he sits down with Brad Pitt.
Joe: I know where you’re going. This is my favorite scene in the whole movie.
Greg: Yeah.
Clip: My handler calls me ladybug. She’s witty. Ladybug. Yeah. This is very lucky indeed. No, she’s being ironic. I’m not. I’m going to tell you a story now. No. I’m good. It’s short. Really. I’m fine. No, it’s pretty quick. No, no, it’s a good story for you. I think I’m cool. Here we go. It’s a long time ago. I made a.
Greg: Promise. Here we go. Is just the greatest thing that could happen. Yeah, yeah. It’s so awesome.
Joe: Right before that is like, I’m as tired as. And they can’t think of anything. Something witty is what he says. Oh, that’s a really funny line. Yeah. And then he’s like, I’m going to tell you a story. No. And they just like keeps saying no. And it’s, it’s perfect because. And then there’s another scene when the elder sits on the train right next to him and the girl and he’s like, they’re the only people on the train.
Joe: And he’s like.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Really? You’re going to sit like, right here? And I have. I have that.
Greg: Feeling.
Joe: I was so bad in that moment of like, really? You’re going to sit, right?
Greg: Really right here. Yeah, yeah. So this movie opens with the elder here, Yuki Sanada, who’s like the grandpa and his grandson is in the hospital. Yeah, unconscious. And his dad is Andrew. Koji. Andrew Koji is like the brooding, like samurai in this movie. Yeah. What’s your take on Andrew Koji throughout this movie.
Joe: I feel like he’s under utilized because I think he’s. Isn’t he? He’s like an amazing action star in his own right and other stuff.
Greg: Yeah, he was on that show. Warrior. Do you ever watch warrior?
Joe: Yeah, I watch parts of that. I’d like the first season, I think of that.
Greg: He’s so good in that show. He was Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. Yeah.
Joe: So I liked him. I wanted I actually wanted a little bit more from him. But he’s also kind of, the son that hasn’t lived up to expectations.
Greg: Yeah. Throughout.
Joe: So like, that’s kind of the backstory. And, you know, my guess is that there’s probably more that cut from this movie that deals with that storyline. Just because, I guess, is that they ran out of time because he is one of the main main characters we know the least about throughout the movie.
Greg: Yeah, but he is in most of the movie.
Joe: Yeah, he’s in a lot. So you just.
Greg: Kind of feel like they could have done more for his character while he’s in the movie. I mean.
Joe: Yeah, I kind of wanted to see like, what is his, you know, because I knew him as an action star and other things. I was expecting a moment for him as, character, you know? Yeah. So. Yeah. Okay. The elder, his father gets that, but he doesn’t, right?
Greg: Yeah. That’s true.
Joe: Still, I mean, I of all the notes I have for this movie, that’s the, you know, it’s not a big deal to me.
Greg: That’s minor.
Joe: Yeah. Yeah. Like. Yeah. Right.
Greg: At least Koji was in it. Yeah, I love that he was in it. He’s he’s joining my list of first call. Like is he available.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: We’ll write a part for him. I loved him in this movie. I thought it was really good.
Joe: Yeah, I thought he was great, as you know, like, as an actor. And I was like, I wanted that one scene, that moment where he realizes his potential in some way and we don’t really get that.
Greg: Oh, okay. You know, you’re big on redemption and happy endings. Is that what I’m getting from this?
Joe: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so.
Greg: You’re kind of like, you know, the feel good guy. You’re on the podcast. Yeah, that’s what I’m known for. Your quote from The Martian was this movie was a feel good movie. Yeah. That’s funny. Yeah, I wasn’t like that. Yeah, yeah.
Greg: I don’t think we could possibly close out this opening section of this podcast without hearing Tangerine and Lemon talk to each other.
Joe: Yes, please.
Clip: It’s life now. Your father sent us. If this were from my father. Oh, easy. We could deliver you back to your pops in a box. Technically, we’re outside contractors. Tangerine is lemon like the fruit?
Clip: Yeah, but watch Thomas the tank in here. We got, you watch something nowadays? What is it, No fitness twist, violence, drama, no message. What’s the point, What are we supposed to learn? Everything I learned about people I learned from Thomas. Oh, yeah? Bring your sticker book. Please. Bring my stickers with me. You know that? Take tangerine.
Clip: It is a golden display. One and golden is the strongest, the most important. But it doesn’t always listen to others or something. I mean, some people are redwoods wise kind, some Henrys, hardworking, strong. Some people are dinosaurs. Me. That was a trouble. You know? You know, you seem like a person. Young, sweet. No older.
Clip: You finish back for you. Yeah, right. Your daddy, that’s the get you out of the job. Well, you got yourself into it. Didn’t you know my boy went to Tangerine? Those sophisticate him. Oh, it’s not important, is it? What is important on the 17 dead bodies we left? Getting you back from the triad that kidnaped you with the plans to ransom you to your extremely psychotic farm father.
Clip: Actually, 16. What’s that now? 16 kills me. No. Seven. Seven. Eight. Six. Seven. You start to get my first hit. 16 I’ll smash my connect to a brick wall. Maybe that’ll help your memory, because it’s wrong with you, man. It was seven saying I own a fan. Strangle you. Come on. If we do this right now, don’t worry about it.
Clip: You shut that down forever.
Greg: Then they go to a montage of the 16 or 17 people that they’ve killed. And it was, in fact, 17. Do you know, do you know who the 17th person was?
Joe: No, I missed that.
Greg: 17th person was somebody who, like, ran up to a car that had crashed to see if everybody was okay, and then it blows up. That person was David Leach. Oh, awesome. Yeah.
Joe: That scene when we watched it in the theater was the moment I just fell in.
Greg: Love with the movie, noticeably, because.
Joe: It’s a scene where you’d expect them to go through it, but they’re talking to the camera, you know, throughout the scene as they’re killing people. And it was something I hadn’t seen that I wasn’t expecting it. So it’s just like, oh, oh, this is the kind of movie we’re watching. And I definitely yeah. If David needs to listen to this podcast, please, we need a million Lemon and Tangerine movies.
Joe: Yeah, that is what I, I want more than anything from this. Like no sequels. I just want all lemon and tangerine. We can figure out a way to bring them both back as needed.
Greg: So. Sure. Yeah. Aaron Taylor-Johnson said the most amazing thing about this movie. He said the hardest scenes in this movie for him were the ones when he was not with Brian Tyree Henry. He said, I had the hardest time figuring out who this character was when he wasn’t with his brother.
Joe: Oh, interesting.
Greg: He’s like, I really only knew who this character was with the brother because that was what made him. Yeah, and it totally shows.
Joe: That’s wild.
Greg: All right, we have to talk about Bad Bunny. Let’s take on Bad Bunny being in this movie.
Joe: It was like a nice little cameo, but it was. Yeah. You know, I’m not the biggest bad bunny fan. I like him, you know, especially after the, all the flack he got for the the halftime show at the Super Bowl. But I wasn’t like, oh my God, bad Bunny is in this. This is amazing. He was fine.
Joe: But his character is not I mean, he’s not he doesn’t need to show a lot of range in this.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Oh but it’s still it was fun. It was perfect.
Greg: Perfect addition to a fun movie.
Joe: Yeah. Perfect casting, you know.
Greg: Yeah. I love that he showed up every scene that he was in. I was like, wow. He’s kind of like, he’s in. This is pretty good. And yeah, and maybe the the movie just declaring itself this is a fun movie and that money shows up. That’s great. Doesn’t have to be. Yeah. Oscar winning. Although I think he’s totally legit.
Greg: Yeah. Speaking of like, the best actors among us, though, what’s your take on Michael Shannon showing up at the end?
Joe: I couldn’t have thought of a better bad guy once he was there. That’s the way I thought of it. He was the perfect white death because he has been built up.
Greg: Yep.
Joe: Throughout this movie. And you need someone like Michael Shannon in this role that is able to blend the the comedy and the seriousness of this character and has to play a couple scenes for laughs right at the end, which I really appreciated. And he’s also one of those actors I’ve come to appreciate. Like every time I see him, I.
Joe: Michael, this is awesome. I’m so happy. Yeah.
Greg: He’s in. Yeah. Same same. He’s in like one of the most nationally recognized R.E.M. cover bands. Did you know that?
Joe: I knew he was a musician. I didn’t realize it was an R.E.M. cover band.
Greg: He sings in an R.E.M. cover band.
Joe: It just takes his his, like, cool factor up another ten points.
Greg: Like the R.E.M. cover band that members of R.E.M. occasionally sit in with. Oh, that’s amazing. Michael Shannon is the singer. That’s so great.
Joe: Oh, my God, I have to. We have to go see him. If he ever comes to Seattle.
Greg: We absolutely have to do that. Okay, I’m jumping all over, but I want to I want to wrap this up to get to the next part of the show. Okay? Joey King was in a movie right before this that had all kinds of 8711 action. I don’t think 8711 had anything to do with it, but it’s very much a bullet train ish movie called The Princess, where she is just like in a princess dress and taking care of bad guys in the castle.
Joe: Awesome. I have not seen that.
Greg: No, it came out the same year, I think, on Hulu. Awesome. So she was in action movie shape, although she doesn’t really do much fighting in this movie. Yeah, it’s mostly acting chops and she’s really good. Really good in this movie. Well, I wanted to save this for the end because there is a cloud overshadowing this movie in that this was a thick Covid production.
Greg: And it was done with strict strict Covid protocols, which we have noticed in some of the movies we’ve watched. It kind of hurt the movie. And you know, if you look at it through that lens, there’s some shots with a lot of people that must have quarantined together. They did in two rings. There was like an inner ring and then an outer ring.
Greg: There were two different levels of quarantine, I guess, of people, and I think this explains partially why they are filming on a set in a train. And also why the movie is getting out of that train and into open air weddings in Mexico. Right? Yeah. They’re kind of doing everything they can to have this be a big action movie during Covid.
Greg: And so it’s an interesting movie to watch through that filter. I think it’s one of the most successful movies made during Covid where you can’t it doesn’t feel like it. Although I think this would have been a better movie if it wasn’t filmed during Covid. So that’s what my gut says.
Joe: Yeah, they do a good job. But like by like the last third of the movie hardly anybody’s on the train. And they, they have a line about like he bought all the tickets because he’s trying to, you know, kept them there, things like that.
Greg: Single line fix.
Joe: Yeah. Single line fix. And even like when they get to the platform, there’s some very cool shots of, you know, and even they kind of reference it like when, Aaron Taylor-Johnson gets off, but like every. Yeah, it’s not a lot of people and they’re all kind of spread out. So like if you kind of think about it of, of the times you can.
Greg: See.
Joe: The Covid social distancing that they needed to put in there as well.
Greg: And I don’t want I don’t want this. This is why I saved it for the end. I think it’s important to mention it’s an asterisk on the movie. Yeah, but I think you should watch this movie and enjoy it. And, it’s kind of a miracle.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: All right, Joe, you know, we’ve been talking about this movie for a little while now. Yeah, for a while, I just suddenly had this, like, crazy concern. What if there are people who are listening to this episode? I can’t imagine this is happening. But what if some people are listening to this episode? They’ve never watched this movie? Yeah.
Joe: What’s up? What’s wrong with them? But you know, it happens.
Greg: I don’t know why we have to, like, suddenly find things wrong with them.
Joe: You know, I like to be antagonistic with our listeners.
Greg: All right, so there’s some monsters out there who haven’t seen this movie yet.
Joe: Yes, exactly.
Greg: So why don’t we pretend you’re walking through the halls of an old school bootleg VHS video store in Tokyo, and you’re walking down, you’re reading the backs of the boxes. They’ve gone to Kinko’s. They’ve printed up the VHS boxes for their bootlegged versions of these movies. You’re picking up the boxes. You’re reading the synopsis on the back to see if it’s something you should watch tonight.
Greg: That’s right. It’s time for the back of the box.
Joe: It’s the back of the box. What could go wrong when a cast of misfits, oddballs, sociopath and contract killers all board the same bullet train at the same time?
Greg: Incredible.
Joe: Yeah. Do you watch it? Maybe.
Greg: Well, is the rest of the back of the box just their faces?
Joe: I swear. I need a graphic designer to bang. It’s like magic, you know? You have this talent. And then I work with some people, like, I will, I’ll just, like, write up stuff, and I’ll be like, okay, make, a one pager for this program. And then it comes back. I was like, wow, this is beautiful. How did you even think of this?
Joe: Like, it is it is literally like magic in my brain. The when people have like artistic talent with like being able to draw and see things because I just don’t have it, I can see it, I know what I want, but I could not produce it to save my life.
Greg: I think I need the name of your people so I can call them and do my work for me.
Joe: Okay, sweet, I will, I’ll let you know. Yeah, yeah. So anyway, it is, it is literally magic when I see, like, even like what you do for each episode. I’m just like, how the hell did that happen? That looks amazing every single time.
Greg: So that’s nice. Thanks, man. Yeah. If you’re listening to us on the podcast app, you can, see individual episode start for every episode. I mean, if you’re listening to this, you probably know that. So don’t even say that.
Joe: But yeah, I think this I don’t know if people realize that, like, you’re making that for each episode, like, it’s not you’re not just copying and pasting from other people’s work like you’ve spent. I don’t know if it takes you hours. I’m assuming it takes days to do that work.
Greg: Weeks and weeks.
Joe: Yeah, okay. That’s what I thought.
Greg: Weeks. Weeks to do. It feels like 15 minutes, but it actually takes weeks. Yeah, that’s what I thought.
Joe: Because it’s like it is. It’s like magic. I’m just like, wow, that’s an amazing cover for this episode.
Greg: It takes a village. It does.
Joe: And I feel like you’re like three quarters of the village.
Greg: How dare you? There you go. There’s going to be no negative self-talk if you bring this to the table.
Joe: I’m just. I have a good quarter of the village. I just know where my skills are bad.
Greg: It’s not bad.
Joe: Not bad part, but.
Greg: It’s kind of like the world after it. Brixton and Hobbs and Shaw, if he had one here, like you.
Joe: Likely wouldn’t.
Greg: Have been so bad.
Joe: What a minute to bad.
Greg: All right, well, Joe, that’s a perfect one sentence. Yeah. I don’t know if we need to move on. Hold up. I think we need to hear the honest, real blunt, actual Joe Skye Tucker back in the box.
Joe: Bullet train is a screwball comedy masquerading as an action movie. This seems to be David Lee just lame. He has cracked the code on action comedies from Deadpool two to Hobbs and Shaw to The Fall Guy, he blends them all seamlessly and hilariously. Bullet train feels like an extension of what Guy Ritchie was doing in the early 2000.
Joe: Dressed up for the modern age, this is a fun movie with an amazing cast and a layered enough script to encourage multiple viewings. I don’t know if this movie will stand the test of time, but it’s a fun ride until it disappears into the ether.
Greg: Yeah, yeah, totally sounds like a great bad movie. Yeah.
Joe: It’s definitely a great bad movie. And that is exactly why we’re doing it. And it is when as soon as I started watching, I was like, this is the perfect movie. Yeah, I think this is.
Greg: Really this is awesome. Well, Joe, should we turn the corner into the box office and critical response to this movie?
Joe: Absolutely. Let’s do it.
Greg: This movie came out Friday, August 5th, 2022 and made a sneaky amount of money that August. If I remember correctly, changing the box office totals and rankings for the summer. This movie cost almost $86 million to make, which when you look at the Mission Impossible movies. Yeah, Covid destroyed those budgets. This one stayed on track. Literally.
Joe: Nice work.
Greg: Thank you, thank you. That’s why I make the big box right here. Yeah. On an almost $86 million budget. How do you think this movie did internationally?
Joe: I feel like it probably made another 50 million.
Greg: This movie made 103 million in America, 135 million internationally, for a total of just shy of $240 million worldwide.
Joe: So it made some money. It’s a it’s not surprising that it didn’t have a sequel based on that.
Greg: And another 9 million in DVD and Blu ray sales nicely. We have some home physical disc sales going on for this movie. All right, Joe, what do you think the Rotten Tomatoes score is from the critics? We have 340 reviews from critics. Yeah, okay. It’s pretty good for the movie. Bullet Train Me.
Joe: Feels like a 70 as we’re doing it. Absolutely.
Greg: Because there’s like a lot of good stuff. But, you know, some things are. Yeah, yeah.
Joe: A few moments here and there.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: I’m going to go a little higher. I feel like this is like a 74.
Greg: Okay. What happens when I tell you it’s a 53. What that is. Yeah.
Joe: Are they watching the same movie we were watching.
Greg: Because it’s a great question we should ask. Yeah. Yeah. Get ready for 340 phone calls.
Greg: Dun dun dun dun. Okay okay. Let’s talk about the audience. A shockingly small amount of verified ratings. Just over 5000. So a small sample size for some reason for bullet train disproportionate with the box office. But what do you think the popcorn meter is on Rotten Tomatoes? The audience score. Joe.
Joe: I’m going to go higher. I’m going to go 81.
Greg: Pretty close. 76 I’m saying, okay, so this movie, you know, you’re you’re you’re the theory of what a great bad movie was. 70% audience for 30% critic score. Yeah. Like that was kind of like your thesis. Yeah. And so this one is pretty close to that really? Yeah. Closer than we usually get with the movies we’ve been watching.
Joe: And I think I think, you know, as a thesis it needs to be amended. I think this is probably closer in the yeah, you know, critics score, the audience score. You know, we got to have there’s got to be the bones of a good movie there. Like usually if we’re doing a movie that’s a 30 that critics are, it’s, it’s earned a 30.
Joe: And I usually agree with them. So yeah, I feel like a, you know, a 50 and a 76 feels like in the right.
Greg: Range.
Joe: For us in terms of, yeah, it.
Greg: Makes the.
Joe: Movies we love.
Greg: So let’s hear what these critics are saying. Let’s see what what’s happening here. We always start with our hometown paper, the Seattle Times. Our guy Soren Andersen, future friend of the show Smart Anderson, reviewed this movie in The Seattle Times. Soren says Leach’s emphasis on excessive and nearly nonstop stunt filled action is hardly surprising. His lack of directorial discipline, however, is the guy apparently couldn’t help himself piling on the action beats until they became numbing two out of four stars.
Joe: Wow. I disagree with that. I feel like he’s actually pretty restrained in the action considering what it could have been like. There’s more plot than action and in this than I’m used to seeing from him anyway. Sure, sure.
Greg: Christina Newland from I news echo.uk says David Leach offers up an action comedy that has glimmers of amusement but is too smarmy and convoluted to succeed. Two out of five stars.
Joe: Glimmers of amusement might be a good name for.
Greg: This podcast. We found one, all right, the great Scott Tobias wrote in the reveal. It’s not fatal that Leach and Company have no evident goal, other than to amuse audiences with two hours of spiffy nonsense, but there’s a whiff of Tryhard desperation behind the film’s bravado. Two and a half out of five stars.
Joe: Spiffy nonsense.
Greg: Again. Yeah, it could be a great name for this podcast. Wow. Amy Nicholson, writing for Wall Street Journal in 2022, says Mr. Leach’s frantic distractions aren’t those of a magician building toward a grand moment of prestige. He’s simply a juggler trying to throw as many balls as possible in the air. His act is all momentum. C plus.
Joe: Interesting. So it seems like people were frustrated that it seemed like it was just action for the sake of action. Yeah, yeah, I feel like they missed the point of this movie.
Greg: Yeah, yeah.
Joe: But the audience came together.
Greg: Alissa Wilkinson in Vox said it’s pure escapism at its finest, with no message or lesson at its core, and it’s a positive review there.
Joe: Yeah, I agree with that.
Greg: And I’m just going to say pure escapism at its at its finest. Yeah. There you go, Ty Burr wrote Quentin Tarantino crossed with a Roadrunner cartoon and as such, relentlessly entertaining and more than a little full of itself. Two and a half out of four stars.
Joe: I think that’s actually a pretty accurate review.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. Peter Travers, writing for ABC news, says Brad Pitt’s laid back movie star magnetism is a joy forever, period. Wow. Too bad that the action heavy, incoherently edited Japanese Choo-Choo he’s writing goes too quickly off the rails from exhilarating to downright exhausting.
Joe: So not a.
Greg: Fan?
Greg: Let’s see if we can turn the corner here with Stephanie Zachary from time magazine. You know, in action movies bad when it saps your will to live.
Greg: I think we just. We just hit rock bottom. Yeah, I might be.
Greg: Rex Reed and the observer said, just where do you think you’ve seen the worst movie ever made? Wow. Along comes a pile of toxic waste called Bullet Train. Zero out of four stars. Holy cow.
Joe: Yeah, I am very surprised with these, considering some of the positive reviews on some of the movies that we have done, this is pretty shocking to me, actually.
Greg: All right. The New York Post Johnny Ola Kosinski wrote, Bullet Train is a fun flick, to be sure, reminiscent of director Guy Ritchie’s better crime comedies such as The Gentleman with Hugh Grant. But he’s calling out exactly what you’re saying. But as the title suggests, it’s louder and faster. Three out of four stars.
Joe: I think they got it.
Greg: I think Johnny gets it. Yeah. All right Bill, get a beer of the New York Magazine and vulture says the brazen intricacy is the point taking precedence over realism or narrative purpose. Bullet train carries you along through sheer verve and audacity. I agree with that. Yeah. Pretty good, pretty good. All right. We got to get to Kevin Ma from the Times UK.
Greg: Notoriously hot, notoriously cold. Kevin says it’s not a movie.
Greg: Okay, but a series of fights on a train between characters who sometimes only have a single trait, or sometimes none at all. Two out of five stars.
Joe: Yeah, I mean, I agree, and but it’s also a little low. I just feel like they missed the point.
Greg: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think the 53% really makes sense if this is a very divisive movie I think. Yeah. I’m glad we’re writing a love letter to it because it deserves it.
Joe: Yeah I agree.
Greg: Wes Green from Slant Magazine says David Lynch’s film pulls off the notable feat of making human beings out of cartoonishly violent psychopaths. Three out of four stars agree. Ben Travis of Empire magazine says the action is first class, and Brad Pitt and Aaron Taylor-Johnson are having a blast. But with all that hyperactive style and cartoonish violence, you’ll be ready to disembark by his final destination.
Greg: Three out of five stars. Yeah, I agree with them. Let’s finish with Richard Roper. Dicky ropes from when people call them grown up. Probably unlike so many of the cookie cutter, wisecracking assassin movies in recent memory. Bullet train acknowledges its outlandish ness from the beginning and yet also manages to connect so many dots in creative gotcha fashion. Three and a half out of four stars I agree.
Joe: I think he got it all.
Greg: Dicky, Dicky ropes gets it. Yeah. All right, Joe, we’ve been going for a long time here. Which bullet Train obviously deserves. Yeah. Should we get to some drinking games in case people get together and watch this movie with their friends?
Joe: Absolutely. As always, we start with our stock drinking game. You don’t have to be drinking alcohol. Nobody says you know, you live your life how you want to live. It is what we say on this show.
Greg: So we’re just marking a moment with a drink of something.
Joe: Yeah, exactly. So we start with, silent helicopter or helicopter out of nowhere. Do not have that in this movie. We also do not have a push in and enhance, which is disappointing. We do have two people sharing a slow motion look in the middle of chaos. In fact, we have many slow motion looks in the middle of much chaos.
Joe: Which is awesome. We have an explosion in silent suffering ringing in the ears, especially during the final train crash as the crash is happening. And like Brad Pitt is slowly being slammed through, flying through the different train cars is kind of fun. Opening credits scene. Does the title lock into place with the sound? Well, there’s a sound.
Joe: And the song, the cover of Stayin Alive come right in on that.
Greg: It’s large Japanese font. Small English font. Loved that about this movie.
Joe: Incredible.
Greg: And it’s like flipping. Almost like it’s, a slot machine. Yeah. Going through all the themes of the movie.
Joe: Yeah. So drink on that one. Does it flash back to dialog? Oh, flashes back so many times.
Greg: And this movie years. I bet the test screenings of this were a nightmare. People were like, yeah. So confused. And they were like, all right, let’s just over explain everything.
Joe: For the most part, the CGI in this movie, as you say, is really good. But there are a couple moments, especially the snake bite scene when Brad Pitt gets bit by the snake. And there are a couple other, especially on my TV on the the train crash.
Greg: Yeah, it’s not.
Joe: Just a little rough.
Greg: It’s ridiculous.
Joe: Yeah, there aren’t a lot of great bad shots, but there are some throughout this movie. We have a beautiful opening scene with inexplicably wet streets. I kind of have a I have a give us the room in that last scene with the old with, the elder, when he says, really? When he sits down next to them like he’s sitting with the girl and with Joey King, and he’s like, really?
Joe: Really. So I kind of that’s not the exact what it meant was meant for, but interesting.
Greg: A modified give us the room.
Joe: I’ll take modified. Yeah.
Greg: It’s not bad. It’s not bad. Yeah.
Joe: Yeah. So no Interpol. But we do have a lot of cell phones being smashed in this movie throughout being stabbed.
Greg: Anytime harm is brought to a cell phone. Take a drink.
Joe: Exactly. Thank you. Drink. So those are our starting games. I toss it to you, Greg swineherd, what is your first bespoke drinking game for Bullet Train?
Greg: These are so artisan. You have no idea. So bespoke are these are coming to you like they’ve never. You’ve never been bespoke and been do before. All right, I’m start. I’m sticking with the cell phone theme because my favorite thing that happens is movies is craziness is happening. Yet you hear that vibrate on a cell phone? And in this movie, they distinguished themselves with the single, not the double.
Greg: They were like, we’ll work our way up to the deuce. We’re going to go for the single. So any time a cell phone vibrates, take a drink.
Joe: I have that one as well because it and it’s it’s wild how well people hear in this movie.
Greg: These phones buzzing.
Joe: My other one for cell phones is because there’s lots of different kinds of cell phones in there. So there’s like lots of different cool cell phones in there. So anytime there’s a new cool cell phone that you see. Yeah. Because they aren’t just like the iPhone.
Greg: They’re, you know, they.
Joe: Flip, they open, they pop open in a different way. So yep. Yep. Take a drink every time.
Greg: Lemon references Thomas the Tank Engine.
Joe: I have that one as well. I have for lemon and tangerine specifically. Every time they say lemon and tangerine and then they go like the fruit has the question, that’s like a drink.
Greg: Great. That’s a really solid amount. That’s like 3 or 4. Perfect drinking.
Joe: And I love that like two things that are very clearly fruits. That’s what I think that joke works for me every single time I’m like totally continuous. And you used to talk about this David Letterman used to do this. He’d like, do his monologue, which was like 2 or 3 jokes and like some joke or just like, totally fail.
Joe: Give me like. And that’s why you put the microwave on high. And then he would just, like, say, microwave on high for that episode the entire time. And by like the millionth time you’ve seen the, you know, by the end of the episode, you’re just like, it’s the funniest thing possible. And you pointed that out to me and it was it’s true.
Joe: It’s just like, so to me, that’s that joke. Or like by the end it’s so funny because you’re just like, oh my God, it’s so dumb. But it’s I’m waiting for that joke over and over and over again.
Greg: So let’s play this out. You be David Letterman and you say microwave on hi, Paul. And then I’ll respond. The way his bandleader, Paul Shaffer would respond, this is for anyone who wants David Letterman. Yeah, that ended 11 years ago.
Joe: Okay, okay. Like a microwave oven. Hi, Paul.
Greg: Yeah.
Greg: They did that for, like, 35 years on the air. That’s all it was. They made a gazillion dollars. That’s all it was. And. Okay, my next one is any time the evil Thomas the Train character diesel was mentioned. Anytime they say the word diesel, take a drink. Yeah.
Joe: Absolutely. I have that one as well. Anytime they say boom slang.
Greg: Take a drink. What does that mean?
Joe: That’s the snake.
Greg: Right? Okay, okay. That’s the snake on the train.
Joe: That’s the snake on the train. The boom.
Greg: Flying. I didn’t know to. Lieutenant. Yes. Thank you. Let’s see. Okay. Every time ladybug quotes a self-help mindfulness, you know, quotes, take a drink and from Berry. Oh, and if he does it unsuccessfully, the person to your left also has to take a drink.
Joe: Oh, I love that one.
Greg: Be careful. We should say, if you’ve never listen to this show, we think everybody at this party should have their own drinking games. When something happens in a room, the whole room, says, Paul, you got to take a drink because he just did that thing. Yeah, that’s right.
Joe: I have any time. They say the name Carver, take a drink.
Greg: That’s great. Okay. Anytime a character unexpectedly dies within 60s of their intro card or flashback, take a drink. So.
Joe: I have every time the train stops at a stop.
Greg: Take a drink. Oh, that is maybe the best thing that has happened in the last two hours of the show. That’s a beautiful drinking game. All right. This is my last one. I know you have a lot, so this is my last one. Whenever a snake or a Fiji bottle is shown from like a POV perspective. Take a drink I love it.
Greg: Yeah. Awesome.
Joe: All right I have.
Greg: I have.
Joe: More than a few others.
Greg: So. Okay. Great.
Joe: Any time you hear the jingle for the inflatable character that is throughout the show, take a drink or they have reference to it. Yep. Any time Brad Pitt’s character is references. Ladybug take a drink. Any time they reference the Bolivia job, take a drink.
Greg: Yep.
Joe: Any time Brad Pitt dresses up a dead body and puts it like a body, normally he’s naked.
Greg: Tired. Yeah. Pulls a commando, you mean. Yeah. It’s full. The commando.
Joe: Anytime someone loosens or takes off their tie, take a drink. Any time Sandra Bullock corrects Brad Pitt Spanish. Take a drink. We cannot say the name.
Greg: Yeah, whatever.
Joe: Whatever they were. And any time there is a perfect slow motion action scene, take a drink. What? I feel like there are a couple in this level that they reference. Especially the scene when the white death takes over.
Greg: Yeah, the.
Joe: Yakuza, whatever.
Greg: So I just realized I forgot to write one down.
Joe: Okay, awesome.
Greg: Any time somebody flicks away their cigaret in slow motion while everyone in the room finishes their drink.
Joe: Perfect. Yeah, happens at least once, but it probably happens more than that. Oh, I have one other one. Okay. Any time there’s a shot at the station because they have these, like, of these bad guy henchmen at each of the stations. And it’s just like these slow motion, like the most trope laden people with these masks and the totally their outfits.
Joe: And it’s awesome. It’s hilarious. Every time they kind of start to play it for for laughs by the end.
Greg: So yeah, yeah. All right. Well, Joe, there’s a recipe that’s happening here. There’s a very special combination of things that often mean hold up. I might be watching the best kind of movie in history. So I think it’s time for us to turn the corner to Joe’s trope. Lightning round, aka signs. You might be watching a great bad movie.
Greg: It’s time for us to start the timer on you. Mark. Get set. Go!
Joe: Okay, we have, they’re on comms or on, the cell phone. The name of the movie. Is that by character at the bullet train. They say that a lot.
Greg:
Joe: They have getting ready for, the, the last final fight montage. We have a ragtag crew. We have redemption as the driver of Brad Pitt’s character, we have a charismatic antagonist, explosion on impact of, of the car crash, duffel bag or bat or, a bag full of money. One of my favorites. One of our favorite two of our favorite kinds of tropes we have.
Joe: It’s not my blood said by one of the characters and a bulletproof vest check. By the same character. Amazing recovery time, medical care. By, you know, my partner loved one staples, one self up. Checking a gun is loaded.
Greg: Oh.
Joe: And our last one, which I missed, is our protagonist being captured but not killed right away and saved by his wiles.
Greg: So that’s a that’s.
Joe: Rough pricing.
Greg: Right.
Joe: But I just have to say shout out to the, this might be our first. It’s not my blood since we’ve added that as a trope. I know it’s one of my favorites. I think it’s one of your favorite.
Greg: My absolutely. Yeah.
Joe: Chef’s kiss moment where. And it happens the first time we meet lemon he says it’s not my blood.
Greg: Yeah totally. All right Joe let’s turn the corner to all the things we’ve been trying to avoid this whole time. You know, we’ve been with them. This is just been us stalling until this very moment. It’s time for us to address the elephant in the room. That’s right. It’s time for important questions. Oh, let’s do it.
Greg: If you can even remember back to four years ago. Did this movie hold up then.
Joe: Yeah. It held up then.
Greg: Yeah. To me does it hold up any differently now. Four years later a little less.
Joe: But I think some of that and this will be my little spoiler. I love the characters obviously Lemon and Tangerine, one of them dies in the course of the movie, but you actually think both of them die at different points in the movie? Yeah, and honestly, and those are the hardest scenes for me, because both of those actors react to losing their brother in a very visceral way.
Joe: And it I feel me and like kind of kills me each time I watch it. So that is the only part of this movie that I don’t like.
Greg: So.
Joe: I will say that that that is hard for me. So that’s why it doesn’t hold up. Yeah, but it doesn’t hold up because it’s a well, like two really.
Greg: Well-acted moments in this. Yeah, yeah. All right. Next important question. How do they sell the good guy?
Joe: Not really in the traditional sense, I guess you could say they kind of sell. I mean, maybe Sandra Bullock kind of sells or builds up the good guy to the good guy, but it’s not not what we’re used to.
Greg: Yeah, she probably thinks in some sort of expositional fact about him, but yeah, I don’t remember how hard they sell the bad guy. Oh.
Joe: At the White.
Greg: Death. Yeah.
Joe: Pretty, pretty freaking hard for me. If I’m being honest.
Greg: But they’re also showing it. Yeah. It’s not just like a person listing things on a dossier.
Joe: They go into excessive detail on it.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Start to finish throughout this movie.
Greg: It’s near perfect. Honesty is.
Joe: Near.
Greg: Perfect. The near perfect modern. They just keep doing it. Yeah. All right. Joe, why is there romance in this movie?
Joe: Is there romance in this movie? No, no. Oh, that’s why I like this movie so much, I think. Yep. It’s awesome.
Greg: Joe, are we bad people for loving this movie?
Joe: Probably.
Greg: Oh, I said yes with like, 100 answers.
Joe: Yeah, I was trying. Yeah. You’re right. I was trying to think of like, no more bad people.
Greg: Yeah. It’s just it’s not the worst.
Joe: We’re not the worst.
Greg: People we could be worse people. Yeah. Joe, does Bullet Train deserve a sequel? Yeah.
Joe: It absolutely does. I would watch a Brad Pitt sequel. Okay. I would prefer obviously a Lemon and Tangerine sequel.
Greg:
Joe: But yeah, the fact that it doesn’t have one is kind of shocking to me. And there are so many characters that you could also spin off.
Greg: So yeah.
Joe: But I don’t want to steal thunder from a another question that’s coming up okay.
Greg: Does it deserve a prequel?
Joe: I would allow because of my love affair with Lemon and Tangerine, like, the Bolivia job or where Brad Pitt gets shot in Johannesburg twice by my men. Yeah. So I would allow those.
Greg: Sequels for sure. I think the movie is called The Bolivia Job. I mean, I think it is kind of a four hander in one part of the movie. We’ve got tangerine and lemon in the other part of the movie, we’ve got Brad Pitt and Ryan Reynolds. Oh, I watch.
Joe: This a million times, and it’s probably my next new favorite.
Greg: Movie. Yeah, and I think we should change that to prequels.
Joe: Yeah. For prequels is what I’m hearing for sure.
Greg: Why not the Quadrilogy? Yes.
Greg: I am very much looking forward to this next question. Joe. Should Bullet Train have been nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Now hold up okay. There is some real backstory we need to do because this is a year. This would be the Oscar came in 2022. So we’re talking about the 2023 Oscars. Yeah. Let’s review how we’ve already discussed this set of Oscars okay, okay I love first off, this is the year that created this question because, let me read the movies that were, that were nominated Top Gun Maverick.
Greg:
Joe: One of my favorite movies ever.
Greg: Everything everywhere. All at once. Which one?
Joe: Actually one of my favorite movies ever.
Greg: All quiet on the Western Front. The Banshees of Inisherin, Elvis, The Fabelmans, star, Triangle of Sadness, women talking, and I think probably your favorite movie that year. Avatar, the Way of Water. Am I remembering that right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That’s right. Okay, okay, so let me review how we have decided this question for three previous movies.
Greg: First off, the reason we started this, this question, Top Gun Maverick, I think a listener could go back and listen to that whole episode and hear you talk about why Top Gun Maverick should not have been included as Best Picture and I think we cut what you said about Top Gun Maverick in the Oscars in half with that episode.
Greg: That sounds about right. Okay, so go back and listen to Top Gun Maverick. It is one of the funniest episodes of the show. So upset about that fact, I love it. All right, next movie if you haven’t heard of it, it’s called The Gray Man. Have you heard of this movie.
Joe: The What now?
Greg: Yeah, I mean, okay.
Joe: Okay, I’ll look into it. That’s what you’re looking.
Greg: Comments.
Joe: That’s all I can tell.
Greg: I went back and looked to your answer for Should the Gray Man have been nominated for Best Picture? And you said I would throw Avatar Way of Water in the garbage right this second and put the gray Man in there instantaneously.
Joe: That doesn’t sound like.
Greg: Me at all. No, no. So obviously Top Gun Maverick is out. Yeah, it was nominated and we removed his nomination. I think is what happened. Yeah. So there were nine. Now there’s no avatar way of water. But we were replacing that with the Gray Man. Okay. Now the next movie we watched that would have been eligible that year is a movie called the 355.
Greg: Okay. And you said, I can’t even justify taking Top Gun Maverick off the list for the three five, five. Yeah.
Greg: So am I reading this right? That Top Gun Maverick is on so that the 3.55 is not on? Yeah, it’s back on. Okay, so we’re back to ten. But the gray man is in there and we still are maintaining. This is a whole journey. Yeah this is all right Joe. So with that list and by the way congratulations to the Gray man for the nomination.
Greg: It’s just an honor to be nominated. Should Bullet Train have been nominated for best picture in 2023?
Joe: Absolutely. And I get rid of one of the movies I haven’t seen, which is I have never heard of the movie Women Talking. So, it’s out, it’s out. I probably am a terrible misogynist for saying that right now.
Greg: Potentially the best male movie of all time. But through ignorance, you’re throwing it out.
Joe: Yeah, exactly. Okay.
Greg: Okay, I am going to take off Elvis because I’ve never seen Elvis. Okay, throw it on.
Joe: Actually, I’ll do that. I’ll take Elvis off. I’m not a big bass. LeBron fan, so we can get rid of Elvis.
Greg: Okay, Elvis is out. We just want to congratulate Bullet Train. It’s an honor. Yeah. You know, everybody involved.
Joe: Huge honor. Yeah, yeah.
Greg: I think, I think well done. Today is going to turn out to be one of those good days I mean. Yeah. All right, Joe, how can this movie be fixed? AKA who should be in the remake?
Joe: I have an answer that I’m just stealing from when I talked about the prequels. I just want more lemon and tangerine. That’s all I want. So I want more of them. I want give me all the movies with them, and that’s what I want forever. How do you fix this?
Greg: Okay, I think I would love to experiment with taking away cutting out of the train as much as we do. And having the action really just take place in the train. I think it costs a lot less. And we finish somehow without the CGI craziness or we go even more crazy, I feel like they’re going for kind of a la Boesky kind of craziness with it.
Greg: Go more Lebowski. This movie was a pretty cheap movie, all things considered. Yeah. I think they make it make it for half the money and it would be a better movie. I really am curious if cutting away so much robs it of that tension. That would be inherent. I think the fistfights in this movie are the best action scenes, and I think the craziness and manic ness of it never quite is better in my mind than what it would be if we stayed in the train the whole time.
Greg: I might be entirely wrong now.
Joe: I could totally see that. Like at the it changes like almost like a, a drama thriller where it like gets more and more cloistered because they’re stuck on this train and so like, yeah, like you really feel.
Greg: How.
Joe: Tight and how there’s no nowhere to go kind of. Yeah. And you build that up. Yeah. I could totally see that. And have all the stories still intersect. Yeah.
Greg: Yeah, sure. And maybe all of that important exposition could be handled through conversations and maybe I’m turning this into the most boring movie of all time. But it’s worth trying, I think. Going old school cheap, and I think we should recast it with Jeff Bridges starring role.
Joe: Yeah, obviously.
Greg: And then almost an Expendables level old action stars are in this. You know.
Joe: I like it. It’s almost like, I had turned more into a Quentin Tarantino film. I think of them as like, long scenes of dialog. That kind of explain with, like, you know, his kind of shocking sporadic violence.
Greg: That he.
Joe: Throws into his.
Greg: Movies.
Joe: On a train.
Greg: On a train. Yeah.
Joe: Maybe a little shorter than his seven hour movies. And he likes.
Greg: To make these days. It’s basically kill Bill on a train is trying to do without the cutaways. And less CGI okay. Two more questions Joe. What album is this movie.
Joe: This one I came to pretty quickly because I wanted an album that’s kind of masquerading of one thing.
Greg:
Joe: You know, so this is a, kind of a screwball comedy masquerading as an action movie.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: What is, kind of a comedy, but, you know, a band, but also it’s like. But also a good band, like, I think that there’s some of that is lost in terms of the comedy aspect of this, but this is This Is Spinal Tap to me.
Greg: Wow.
Joe: They’re actually like, if you look like they’re actually pretty good. Like, yeah, metal.
Greg: Really good.
Joe: Rock band.
Greg: Every era of Spinal Tap is pretty.
Joe: Yeah. And so like that is kind of what is lost even though like it’s a, it’s a comedy and it’s silly and if you want. Yeah. Especially the movie. But they’re actually a really good band. So that was what I, what I came to is like, they’re a comedy band. This is a comedy movie. And so I went with that.
Joe: What did you come up with? I’m very, really good.
Greg: That’s really good. I just went with this movie is so all over the place yet it all it works as far as, like, if I watch this movie 30s at a time, I think I would enjoy each 30s yeah, it’s just kind of all over the place. So I kind of feel like for the first time, I feel like I’m going to choose a greatest hits album.
Joe: Oh, I like that. I like where you’re going with this.
Greg: Because it’s just kind of everything. This.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: But I will also say I’m going to choose a band that I don’t adore, but I do really, really like, so it’s the greatest hits album that I enjoy more than I think I’m going to. But also there’s some songs on there I’m like, yeah, I know I need this one. So I think this is the greatest hits of Stone Temple Pilots.
Joe: That’s amazing. That’s perfect because they have their highs.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah, right. And their moments. Yeah I totally yeah I love that. That’s a perfect back.
Greg: But also they’re a band where you know us being in the northwest in the Seattle area there was there was a certain amount of animosity towards stunt double pilots. Yeah. Sounding like bands from here and not being from here, which is just so dumb. But whatever. Yeah, but then I heard from a guy on the inside of, like, the Alice in Chains crew.
Greg: He was like, you know that band when they first came up, we were all so dismissive, like all the big bands, all the crews, everybody. Yeah. But then as they released, like, their second and then their third, and by the time their fourth album came out, pretty much the whole collective of Seattle musicians and, you know, crew, they were like, this band is better than we thought we were.
Greg: They were. Yeah, yeah, this band is starting to like, win us over as, like, this is actually just like, actually a pretty good band. So that’s why I think, The Greatest hits, Most Notable pilots is probably better than I think it’s going to be. Exactly like Bullet Train. Yeah, a green. All right. So it’s finally come down to this.
Greg: The conversation that needed to be had about Bullet Train. It’s time for us to rate this movie. We have a rating system on this show. Great bad movie. Good bad movie. Okay. Bad movie, bad bad movie. Worst case scenario. Awful bad movie. Josh. Guy Tucker, how do you rank this movie?
Joe: I could have been talked into like a good, bad movie, but this is a great, bad movie. I just every time I watch it, it’s I enjoy it. I find more stuff that I miss, time that I watch it, that I get to, like, focus on. Sure. You know, there are faults to it. So I could see, like if I watched it again in a year, I might go, oh, this is not a great bad movie.
Joe: It’s a good, bad movie. But it’s still a really it’s a really fun ride.
Greg: And I just.
Joe: At the moment I. This is for you, Sam. I’m in the tank for this movie. I just I am so sad.
Greg: I’m just. Take a drink.
Joe: Yeah. Sam, take a drink. Sam, said that he missed me saying I’m in the tank for actors and movies. So I’m in the tank for for bullet train. So, how do you rate this movie?
Greg: I want to reserve great bad movie for movie is better than Bullet Train. Or the movies that make me feel better than Bullet Train does. And so I am just on the other side of the border. That good, bad movie on this movie. Yeah. All I want, but thank you, listeners for choosing this movie. What a great movie to watch this week.
Greg: Honestly.
Joe: Yeah. Really fun.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Well done.
Greg: Everyone. So thank you to everyone who voted for Bullet Train. We will get the source code eventually. I actually kind of watch it already this week.
Joe: Anyway, we need to do, when it’s not one in the morning. What are you watching again? Because I have, I’ve been on a, Jason Bourne tear, but also, I watched Spy Game for the first time. And so I want to talk about that with you, and it has to be on our list. It just.
Greg: Like.
Joe: Yeah, it just has to be on our list. And we need to watch it soon on the channel, though.
Greg: Okay? Okay. Tony Scott, Robert Redford, Brad Pitt.
Joe: It is in the top 2 or 3 of my favorite Tony Scott movies ever.
Greg: What’s a spy game?
Joe: Spy game. I think it’s one of his best movies. Like because it. I don’t want to spoil the conversation, but like, yeah, sometimes he doesn’t know how to end his movies. Well.
Greg:
Joe: And this is like one of his more complete movies start to finish to me.
Greg: But it’s hard for me to rank that. Yeah, this is a deeper conversation for us to have, but I do need to spoil one thing about that movie real quick. Do we ever see three helicopters at once? A full Tony’s got of helicopters?
Joe: No, we do not have a full Tony Scott of Helicopters. We have two.
Greg: Okay. The third is implied because the camera is a third is implied.
Joe: The third? Yes. The third one is that someone filming the other two?
Greg: It’s more of a prestige. Tony Scott. Yeah.
Greg: Okay, great. Okay, great. Well, Joe. Yeah, the listener spoke. We heard them. Yeah. We rocked bullet train this week.
Joe: We sure did.
Greg: We did it.
Joe: Nailed it. We have the conversation that needed to be had, and I don’t feel like anyone really needs to talk about this movie ever again. They just come to this episode and sure, plug it in and away they go. They’ll get everything they need right here.
Greg: Everyone on the planet. When they search at Bullet Train, we should be the first thing in those types of things. And slowly the SEO and this is gonna be incredible.
Joe: So high. It’s going to be everywhere.
Greg: And.
Greg: People are talking to their AI agents, and our oppo and Geo is incredible as well. And I know that that’s been on great.
Joe: That’s I sure am. I know exactly what those things are.
Greg: So listener, if you want to give us some feedback on this episode, you can you can find us on Instagram at Great Bad Movies Show. On Instagram. You can find everything else about our show at our website. Great bad movies.com, including ways to get Ahold of us. If this wasn’t the movie you wanted us to do and you want to suggest a different movie, hit us up.
Greg: Hit us up in the DMs, send us an email, let us know what movies you think we should, add to our list. And if you are watching movies with your friends, we want to hear about that too. We want to promote that that’s happening out there because our crew in Portland, is just carrying that flag for us right now.
Greg: But I feel like everybody should be doing this.
Joe: I can’t let that that the Portland crew take all the glory you got. Yeah. Bring your up your game.
Greg: I’m so glad you mentioned that because, Oh, my gosh, Joe, I just noticed the time.
Joe: Oh, yeah.
Greg: And not only is it late, but I just realized how long has this Thomas the Tank Engine sticker been on my forehead?
Joe: Oh, it’s been a while. Wait, what is the sticker? I gotta know, it’ll tell me everything I need to know about you.
Greg: It’s a Gordon, so I feel pretty good about that. But also very concerning. It’s been there this whole time, so I’m going to go find who put this on here.
Joe: What? Yeah. You should.
Greg: What? Murderer. That’s on this train that I’m on. But I feel like I should figure that out.
Joe: Yeah. You should, you should while you’re doing that. Has anyone seen Carver? He borrowed my motorcycle helmet, and I really want to get it back.
Greg: Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, well, I honestly, I don’t have any reasons to leave right now. I kind of just want to hang out a little bit with me. Oh, hold on. Oh, hey, I better get this. I better get this, I gotta go.
Joe: Yeah, yeah, you should go. And I think when you find the person who put the sticker on your forehead. Yeah. I think we will find out the person who stole the sticker out of my Thomas the Tank Engine sticker book. And that is just what’s uncalled for. I just will not stand by that. So. Right. You find them all, hell will break loose.
Joe: I swear.
Greg: Okay. And does that mean you need to go?
Joe: Yeah, that means I need to go in. Okay, okay. Find them. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Okay, I was fine.
Greg: My going with my fight. Obviously. I need to ask you a question, and then I need to thank you for your time, Joe. Okay. Awesome. Have you seen my snake? I haven’t, okay, I need to go find it. I better go.
Joe: Yeah. You better. You better go. I’ve got to go to. Because someone just found my pet snake, and I need to go pick it up from them. So.
Greg: Okay, well, that makes sense.
Joe: A snake on a on a train at the moment, which is weird.
Greg: Yeah, I know that this has been edited out, by our incredible editor saying the whole time we’ve been talking. But I have also I’ve been talking with you about this movie, but I’ve also been talking to my handler, Sandra Bullock. Yeah, yeah. You know, and I appreciate it, Sam, for cutting out the whole conversation. But, you know, I it’s it’s it’s been difficult to be distracted this whole time.
Greg: I think I just need to go talk to them to be for a little while.
Joe: Okay. Yeah, yeah. Bad track that tracks, I’ve got to go cater a wedding. In Mexico. This could be my big break as a caterer. So I hope everything goes well at that wedding.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. Do you know how hard it is to podcast with, like, a hello Kitty full sized character outfit on?
Joe: Oh, it’s got to be really difficult, but you’re pulling it off. That’s what I’m hearing. And so that’s out. Well.
Greg: No, that’s why I’m two hours late to work. Because I could not be wearing that and and do this at the same time. So I better go.
Joe: Oh yeah. Yeah. You better go. That better. That’s good. Someone just called me, named the White Death and they asked for a meeting. I mean, these celebrity kid names are getting out of hand. I hope this meeting goes well.
Greg: Okay, well, that makes sense, because I need to go, record an episode of my Side Hustle podcast that I have specifically for the Spanish speaking audience. It’s called Great Bad Bunnies. And so, I better go.
Greg: That sounds good to me. Okay, great. It sounds good to me, too. So, Joe, thank you so much for this, listeners. Thank you so much for this. And I will see you soon. For you soon.