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This week, on The Greatest Guilty Pleasure in the History of Cinema:
It’s Greg’s Pick®, and after a last-minute audible (sorry, Spy), he’s gone with 1985’s Commando. Joe gasped out loud when Greg texted him the poster. Why did Greg pick it? He doesn’t have an answer… It was just time.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is John Matrix, a retired Special Forces colonel who has to rescue his daughter (Alyssa Milano) from his former unit. Rae Dawn Chong is the flight attendant who gets dragged along, Vernon Wells is Bennett (and his chain-mail vest), and Bill Duke is in it, which is more than enough. Mark Lester directs a script from Steven E. de Souza, Jeph Loeb, and Matthew Weisman.
This one is personal. Joe first saw it on VHS in West Virginia, and Greg wonders whether this is where Great Bad Movies actually began: two kids watching one man take on an entire army and deciding that was the best thing they’d ever seen. Does it hold up? Not by today’s standards, but the nostalgia is real.
“It’s not good. At all. And yet, if you asked me to watch it RIGHT NOW, I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.” - Joe Sky-Tucker, 2026
Note: This transcript has been auto-generated, so… You know… It’s not our fault.
Greg: Joe in the movie that I picked this week. This is a special Greg’s Pick episode of Great Bad Movies. Arnold Schwarzenegger goes to surplus City for a shopping spree. Have you ever been on a shopping spree, or have you ever dreamt of going on one?
Joe: I think probably with my old roommate Philip, and sometimes Charles would join us, but it was. We all live together and we’re all in this like, perfect bubble of like, mid-twenties ridiculousness. And so we would go to Safeway and pick back $300 on the most disgusting, stupid stuff you can imagine the best munchie food possible. We didn’t miss an opportunity to have more fun than we should have.
Joe: There was a time. Forgive this little sidebar.
Greg: Early sidebar. This episode, early.
Joe: Sidebar just popped into my head, so Phillip and I had taken the day off. That was a Friday night, and we were just sitting where we usually sit like he would be on the couch and I would be in this recliner.
Greg: Not bothering anyone.
Joe: Not bothering anyone watching a movie. And our roommate Jesse came through and we’re like, how’s it going to like you went off with her friends or her boyfriend or whatever. And then we’re like, do you want to go to Vegas? And then you kept checking in and then like at 10:00 I was like, sure, let’s go to Vegas.
Joe: And so we took the bus to SeaTac, got to the airport, and then talked to, the airline and said, we want to buy a one way ticket to Vegas.
Greg: One way. You’re not coming back way. We’re not coming.
Joe: Back. We don’t know when we’re coming back.
Greg: No.
Joe: Nobody does. And then we’re like. And she was like, we were hoping there was some crazy deal. You know, sometimes there was really cheap Vegas flights. Wasn’t that expensive. Okay, okay. Not then. I was like $150. We got to Vegas at like, 1130 or midnight. Gambled, hung out at a few casinos, played some blackjack, played some roulette.
Joe: It’s about five in the morning. We have a terrible breakfast like a Denny’s knockoff. And they’re like, do you want to get a hotel? Nah. So we took the cab to the airport and took a one way flight home and then fell asleep right where we were. So just comes back in the next morning at like eight and we’re literally in the same spot.
Joe: She left us and we were like, she was like, oh yeah, what did you all do? And there, like, we went to Vegas last night and she’s like, no, you didn’t. We showed her our boarding passes and then everyone. And then it was like, so that’s my little sidebar story that.
Greg: You know, it was a shopping spree to Vegas.
Joe: Shopping spree to Vegas, we’ll call it that. But what about you top that Greg Swineherd with,
Greg: So you’re asking me, have I ever, been on a shopping spree? No. Let’s get to the show.
Joe: All right, let’s do it.
Clip: They hunted him down. You know, Connor, we went to a lot of trouble to find you. They murdered his friends, and they took the only thing he would kill for. If you want your kid back, then you got to cooperate, right? Wrong. Now, somewhere, somehow, someone’s going to pay.
Clip: Don’t disturb my friend. He’s dead tired. Remember, Sally, when I promised to kill you last, this will be dead or alive. If it’s a mission, no man can survive. He’s the man for the job. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Commando.
Greg: The year is 1985, and producer Phil Silver brings in director Mark Lester to make a movie called Commando. We are talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger, Radon Chong, Dan de, Vernon Wells, David Patrick Kelly, Alyssa milano. Bill Duke is in this movie. That might be all we need to talk about before we get to our business here. Joe. Joe, it’s Tucker.
Greg: For some reason, for Greg stick my very special annual pick that I forced you to watch. For some reason, I chose this movie. And so my first question to you, I have never met this question more in my life than right now. Just Guy Tucker. What makes Commando a great bad movie?
Joe: I am so happy that you picked this movie. First of all, I feel like this is a movie that you have to go back to the first time you watched it, and this is like a generational movie of like when you saw it. And I saw this at a friend’s house when I lived in West Virginia. Oh, wow.
Joe: I think it was 1986, 87, okay, on VHS. And it was the coolest movie I may have ever I have ever seen.
Greg: Yeah, obviously. Yeah.
Joe: So however old I was 13, 14 years old, everything made perfect sense. And that for me at that moment in time.
Greg: Everything checked.
Joe: Out, everything checked out. They didn’t hold up then. Spoiler alert it did.
Greg: No notes.
Joe: Does it hold up now?
Greg: Oh, hold on, let me write that down. I should ask you that question later in this episode. Yeah. Yeah, that’s that’s okay.
Joe: Well, let’s, bookmark that for later.
Greg: Yeah, sure.
Joe: Also, I don’t know if this starts the genre of one against a million.
Greg: For our generation. It did. Yeah. I mean, Chuck Norris had been doing this. Charles Bronson had been doing this.
Joe: Yeah, but this just felt like it’s. There’s something so crazy about this movie, I. And then then I remember it was on, like, HBO after we moved out of West Virginia, and I just watched it a million times. Oh, wow. Whenever I was on probably in the early 90s, or I’ve seen this movie a lot as a kid, and I haven’t seen it really since then.
Joe: So now.
Greg: I really like.
Joe: As I am. This movie is in. I can’t tell if they’re. It’s a farce. If this is a comedy, if there’s a recruitment ad for the part of the army, like I don’t know what this is.
Greg: It.
Joe: Doesn’t hold up. It’s ridiculous with all of the 80s tropes just. Yeah. If I, if there was a movie that screams the 80s like an action movie, this is the most 80s you can get. Okay, I love that about it. It doesn’t work on any level. And if you ask me in two seconds to watch it, I would be there in a heartbeat.
Joe: I don’t know, like, I don’t quite know how to describe how to talk about this movie. Totally. There’s nostalgia. It’s weird. It’s really silly. It makes no sense. And I just love it so much.
Greg: Oh my gosh, that’s incredible.
Joe: So why did you choose this movie? Greg Spiner you pulled an audible on us.
Greg: I did pull an audible two days ago. Yeah, I don’t have a great answer to that other than it just felt like it was the right time. And I feel like I’ve kind of squandered my pick because it’s an opportunity for us to watch a movie that we typically wouldn’t cover on this show. I feel like that’s what the round of picks could be.
Greg: Yeah, we could force each other to watch movies that we know the other person doesn’t feel like watching. Yeah, last year I chose game night because we typically don’t do comedies. And so I thought, well, since it’s my pick, I’m going to pick a comedy. And so I picked a comedy again this year. I wanted us to watch spy with Melissa McCarthy and Jason Statham and Jude Law, and at some point I texted you and said, have you watched it yet?
Greg: And you said, no. And they said, I think I need to call an audible. And I sent you a picture of the poster of this movie, and you just texted back that you actually gasped when I sent it. I literally did not like.
Joe: That was my reaction. It was perfect. It was like, oh, that’s the perfect movie. That is exactly the movie you need to watch.
Greg: It just felt like it was time, you know? Yeah, I watched this movie a couple years ago because I assumed we would be covering it, and I was so surprised at the experience of watching it for so many reasons. Just like you just said. Like, I remember resonating with this so much when I was little, you know, this is so ridiculous.
Greg: And I kind of felt like when I watched this last night, is this maybe the beginning of great bad movies? Did it actually start in 1985 when Commando came out and young Greg and Young Joe saw this movie and created I mean, this movie is probably why we’re friends.
Joe: Yeah. I mean, I can paint a pretty strong I mean, throw in Bruce Willis. That’s the only thing is missing for sure.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And then you would have the trifecta.
Greg: I mean, if you haven’t listened to the show before, we pick out a great movie. We are we are adamant that the movies we watch are great. This is a weird one to start on because this is not justifiably great in the usual way, yet it still is kind of why we started this show.
Joe: So I feel like we’re going to need a new rating system at the end of this episode for this movie, because it’s it isn’t. I don’t think I can say it is a great movie. But it’s also a great experience to watch. There’s just something about watching this movie. I don’t, if there’s a part of it, this nostalgia, for sure.
Greg: For sure. Yeah, there’s.
Joe: This piece of it. Like, what did they think they were making when they were making this movie? Because I have so many questions. Also, I had the thought like, were they trying to limit Arnold Schwarzenegger? Like, I don’t think he has more than two sentences in a row in this movie. Like one of my drinking games is, does he say a line that is longer than five words because most of his lines are like 2 or 3 words throughout this entire movie?
Greg: That’s a great question. You know who’s an important figure in this movie is the writer Steven E D’Souza, who, speaking of Bruce Willis, wrote Die Hard. Or did the second person die hard after Jeb Stewart? But he wrote on just a ton of Schwarzenegger movies and Joel Silver movies, and he got this script that had been written and they completely stripped out what the script was.
Greg: It was kind of a serious movie at the beginning. And then Stephenie D’Souza said, this isn’t going to work for Schwarzenegger. So we changed the whole thing and also sat down with Schwarzenegger and had him read all of the lines and the lines that he couldn’t say he changed. Okay, so you’re totally right. He he really is. I mean, the words are in there because they’re just the words that he can say.
Greg: In 1985.
Joe: That is so how it feels to watch every line that he is saying, totally.
Greg: And this is back when at the beginning of every Schwarzenegger movie, he had some reason that he had the accent, you know, like in the first dozen lines of every movie. For a while there, they would explain why Schwarzenegger, who has the super thick accent, is the person we’re talking about. Did he say grew up in Germany or East Germany?
Greg: I think it’s what, East Germany?
Joe: Yeah, East Germany. And then they make some sort of commentary on comedy in East Germany or whatever. And that’s that’s perfect.
Greg: Rock and roll is subversive. Let’s. Yeah. So yeah, you’re totally right. They rewrote the lines in the script to be words that he could say. That’s where this movie starts.
Joe: That feels like a plot that he wanted to. It’s just.
Greg: It’s.
Joe: It’s amazing.
Greg: Yeah. I mean, he had at this point he had played Conan in a couple Conan movies. He had played The Terminator. He was first known for what, Pumping Iron, that documentary in the late 70s. You know, he had been in, I think Red Sonja was in there like a Conan spinoff that he was in.
Joe: Yeah, he was in that. I just don’t remember before, after this one.
Greg: The first movie he was in, I think it was called Hercules from New York. And I’m not going to look it up. It was something like that. And they actually overdubbed all of his lines, which is hilarious.
Joe: That’s right.
Greg: But he was super attracted to this movie because he got to be a dad who was protecting his daughter. And he also got to be, you know, a musclebound. What’s the word, Beefcake? You got to be a beefcake. Yeah. How old do you think Arnold Schwarzenegger was when they made this movie?
Joe: 27. That would be my guess.
Greg: He was 37 years old.
Joe: 37. Well, he’s older than I am.
Greg: Yeah. And that isn’t that crazy?
Joe: I mean, he looks great. They certainly play into all of the muscle shots that they have of him.
Greg: Yeah. It starts out with just close ups of his arms. He’s carrying a massive tree trunk. That’s so fake.
Joe: Yeah. The most perfectly cylindrical tree trunk you’ve ever seen.
Greg: Totally totally. And does he have a chainsaw in his hand as well.
Joe: Oh yeah. Of course. Yeah.
Greg: Oh no that’s not that’s how we meet him. But we actually see some people get killed at the beginning of this movie. Bill Duke shows up as a garbage man, and.
Joe: That’s right.
Greg: In the middle of a cul de sac. They just, like, machine gunned down a guy in the morning and no problems from the neighbors. As far as I can tell, that’s just normal. And they’ll call this act. Yeah. No one calls police. No nothing. And then who else? Who else passes away? Someone else. Oh, the guy in the car.
Greg: Salesman. Or that’s who gets run over inside the dealership.
Joe: They blow up a boat?
Greg: Yeah, they pretend like they’re going to blow up Bennett, who ends up being the bad guy, but he’s kind of smirking like he knows he’s going to get away, and then he becomes the bad guy, you know? Did he have his, chain link vest on in that scene?
Joe: I don’t think he did.
Greg: I don’t think he did. And no, he hadn’t gone full Bennett yet. No. The bad guy in this movie is Australian, and he was in a U.S. Army group with Arnold Schwarzenegger from East Germany. Right. But she’s from Austria, obviously. Yeah. So that’s never explained that these guys are in the U.S. Army together, and he has a mustache and a chain mesh vest on the whole movie.
Greg: Yeah, yeah, an a knife. Sure.
Joe: That’s I feel like I heard a story that he was like he replaced the original bad guy very close to filming.
Greg: Right. I heard that, too. I don’t know who it was, though, because that’s not the kind of show this is.
Joe: No, I don’t do a research like that. Nothing. You’re not coming here for research. But I still remember the first time I watched it. And like you have Jon Matrix, the greatest name for Arnold Schwarzenegger ever. And he’s just, like, kills everyone with ease.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And then you have the bad guy. And it was like, this is not a fair fight. He should. Arnold Schwarzenegger should kill Bennett in no time. Like.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And then they have a pretty, pretty awesome hand-to-hand scene. But it’s it’s pretty ridiculous as well. It’s it’s like, this is not the bad guy that they needed a better henchman to be the final battle, for sure. Arnold Schwarzenegger instead of him. Well, I guess he goes through and kills a million people in the lead up to that, and it’s just the most ridiculous fun you’ll ever have at the movies.
Greg: I think there’s a great story behind that. We’ll get we’ll get that. Okay. Okay, so this is a ridiculous movie. There are a lot of times while I’m watching this movie where I think this is actually kind of great. This is like when he when he escapes from the plane. Yeah, he goes to the bathroom and then somehow goes to the luggage bay and then crawls down the landing gear as it’s taking off and falls into some water.
Greg: Yeah. Pretty good scene.
Joe: Yeah. I vividly remember that scene. The first time I watch was like, how is he going to get off this plane? Because it’s taking off. Yeah. And I had never seen that before of jumping out of a plane and kind of escaping that way. Yeah. The conceit is they kidnap his daughter, he’s got to go kill some third world president.
Greg: That America place.
Joe: Yeah. And so then, then then we have Dan Hardy as the person in waiting to come in and take over. Yeah. And if he doesn’t do it, they’re going to kill his daughter. And the flight is exactly 11 hours.
Greg: Yes.
Joe: Yeah. So lots of shots of the what when he set the timer on that.
Greg: And the loudest watch in history when we hear that watch.
Joe: Yes please.
Greg: He’s setting it to 11 hours.
Greg: And that’s the second one right there. Now I cannot I think I know what they’re gonna ask. Here’s why. This movie is the greatest movie that has ever been committed to film in history. Yeah, it’s because the music is that loud and wailing for almost the entire time. Whenever nothing is going on, that music is so loud.
Greg: I kind of think we should start using that music in this show. When you and I are talking about something kind of boring, I agree.
Joe: I have three separate drinking games based on the score of this movie.
Greg: So just so people know, this is what it sounds like when people are walking around the mall in this movie. Are you.
Joe: Ready? Oh so good.
Greg: So if you ever get boring, I’m just going to put this on our back and do that to me as well. Yeah.
Greg: So in that scene, the bad guy is walking into a restaurant and bar them off. That’s what was happening there.
Joe: So so that’s the score with the steel drums. I’m, I’m dying to know if we have flute or saxophone coming in next on the score.
Greg: Okay. So this one is when Arnold Schwarzenegger is walking with the tree trunk in his hand. And then they make it seem like somebody is walking up to him as he’s like, cutting firewood.
Joe: Right?
Greg: They make it seem like somebody is going to sneak up on him and he’s going to, like, get attacked. But it’s actually his daughter was never.
Clip: Understanding lucky can.
Greg: Right. And then and it suddenly is like the sweetest. They start feeding a deer and then they start eating ice cream. And she puts the ice cream in his nose like an ice cream cone to his nose. It’s. And the credits start rolling, and everybody feels good that they’ve gone to this movie.
Joe: And you should.
Greg: As you should. Yeah. And I’m not gonna lie, I totally love it.
Joe: The feeling that they’re seeing, especially just for summer and, like, out of their hand.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: So you just don’t have that in today’s movies. Like, this would be something they would put in Hot Rod as a joke. You know?
Greg: Totally. My favorite thing is right at the end of them, like, laughing and giggling and feeding the deer. Arnold Schwarzenegger says something to the deer and then almost tries to go to kiss its cheek. And then they cut away.
Greg: It’s so good. It’s really getting into the part and Arnold Schwarzenegger shows that he is maybe one of the most likable people you’ll ever meet. He’s just incredibly charismatic, but then he also is the Terminator in this movie sometimes. Yeah, and it’s ridiculous. It’s like he has no idea what movie he’s in.
Joe: Yeah, there are moments where he has, like, the face that has no emotion on it. Yeah. And he’s just going to kill everyone. And then it’s like, he is the happy dad.
Greg: Right? Yeah.
Joe: With his daughter. I think that’s really the two personalities that they have him as like hard core killer or loving dad and who knows who you’re going to get.
Greg: Yeah. Who’s saying somewhat offensive things to the people around him. But then he wins you over again somehow. Yeah, but that scene, I’ll be honest. Okay. So you and I growing up had two very different experiences with this movie. We didn’t have cable growing up. So when I saw movies like this, it was because I recorded it off of like, network television.
Greg: And so it was edited for TV. So like, this movie sets the framework for all all of Steven Seagal’s career basically. Yeah, I’ve just crazy kills and stupidity. So I really didn’t see the most gruesome things. But this is maybe why I love movies like this. But I also kind of flinch when they’re a little bit too violent.
Greg: Is because I grew up in an edited for TV world, which also I couldn’t find any online this week, but I really wanted to find how they edited some of these swear words for TV. Yeah, couldn’t find it. It’s not on YouTube. Yeah, but I remember when I was watching this movie, I was I went in a little bit scared, like, Will I be able to handle this movie?
Greg: And when it cut to this part, I was kind of like, okay, well, it’s Alyssa milano from Who’s the Boss? You know, the Tony Danza sitcom. And also like, okay, well, at least there’s a sweet side to it. I think this is for people like me as well.
Joe: So yeah, of like the action movies of the 80s, this is riding the line between kind of sweet and then the kind of the hardcore action. Yeah, the years that I was used to there was a whole other kind of genre of action movie from the 80s with this really dark kind of the RoboCop.
Greg: Oh, sure.
Joe: I’m trying to think of other ones. Kind of. You mentioned the Charles Bronson and those sorts of movies where it was just it wasn’t a pleasant world regardless. And so you didn’t really even like the heroes, even though they were kind of out for good. But yeah, this is the most 80s movie you can have, and it’s kind of riding the line between kind of that sweetness and trying to be, you know, give our hero a little bit of like, we need to root for him.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: With some of the, like, unsavory, slightly shocking moments, the kills. And then there’s a gratuitous moment in a hotel room where they’re fighting, and then there’s, like, a naked lady in the in the room that they pass through the door.
Greg: That’s Joel Silver. He always did that.
Joe: But this movie, for all of its faults, doesn’t quite. It doesn’t for me. Cross the line. It crosses the line. I shouldn’t say that. It crosses the line, but in a way that I as kind of has a sweetness to it. And yeah, a little bit of a more of an innocence than I was expecting. Like, it.
Greg: Sort of holds up in some of the ways it’s not offensive, as offensive as you would imagine.
Joe: It’s got like a weird wholesomeness to it, even though it’s got all the 80s stupid tropes to it as well. It’s not a wholesome movie. I don’t want people to conflate what I’m saying.
Greg: There’s a.
Joe: Heart. Yeah, there’s a heart. I think that’s a better way to put it.
Greg: Yeah, yeah, I’m gonna attribute that to Steven. I’d assume that the writer of this movie, because he’s done a lot of interviews about Die Hard and the different movies that he worked on, and he’s talked about this movie as well, and he’s just a fun guy, you know, and he’s very concerned about what will make a movie fall apart structurally and what needs to hold it together, and what little hacks you need to do to make it tie together.
Greg: This movie is barely glue sticks together when it comes to sometimes. Yes, but you know when you stand back and look at it, it’s like, all right, we’re there’s like the opening set up and then there’s the we’re on the run and then there’s like 25 minutes of like old school gumshoe detective work. And it all screams of like network television to me.
Greg: Like all of the action in this movie is like rated R, A-Team, basically.
Joe: Yeah, exactly.
Greg: And it just feels like that. I mean, I think it’s probably a lot of similar players. I mean, like the stunt coordinator, I think worked on the A-Team for this movie. We’ll get to that. He’s an interesting guy. I can’t wait to talk to him. But also like, Steven D’Souza has this thing where, you know, if he needs a place in the world that that you’re flying to, that’s like a fake country.
Greg: That just sounds like vaguely tropical, vaguely South American. It’s called Valverde, and it’s a place that he made up awesome. And he made it up for a TV show, I think. I think he said that he made it up for, an episode of The $6 Million Man or the Bionic Woman. He ran one of those shows, and I think he made it up for one of those.
Greg: But it comes up over and over in movies that he has worked on. And so let me give you four movies that the Valverde verse is in Commando, okay? It’s where they go in predator.
Joe: Some.
Greg: General, Ramon, Esperanza and Die Hard two is from Valverde.
Joe: This is like an Easter egg that now everyone is using.
Greg: No, no, it’s it’s him he’s using.
Joe: Oh it’s him. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Awesome.
Greg: And it’s since he’s written it and it’s like, all for 20th Century Fox, I think he just keeps using it whenever he works for Fox. And then a movie called Ricochet. Have you ever seen Ricochet as Denzel Washington?
Joe: Oh yeah. And John Lithgow right.
Greg: I think so, yeah.
Joe: Yeah I have and.
Greg: Then the news anchor from Die Hard is in it as well. And I think she plays the news anchor from Die Hard.
Joe: Amazing badass. So, I those are the things that I appreciate when writers do or. Yeah. And directors will throw that in there Mike.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And it’s famous also in animation of like certain numbers that refer to certain courses that they took when they were in film school. That’s right. You know, those little things, you know. Sure, I love that. Yeah. That’s amazing. That’s awesome. Oh a ricochet it needs to be on the list also that needs if it’s not on our list 100% needs to be there.
Greg: We absolutely have to get to Ricochet and I’ve never seen it. So it’ll be an episode of does it Hold up because I I’ll be watching it with fresh eyes.
Joe: Perfect from.
Greg: 1991. Okay, so if you take the total, box office from those four movies Commando, predator, Die Hard two, and Ricochet $417.6 million in the validator. Wow. They’ll Valverde versus. For some reason I can’t see that. But, Steven D’Souza says you know predator did eventually cross over with alien. So I think you can include the alien series into the Valley Verde.
Joe: I like where you’re going with this.
Greg: And so he was like, if you look at the Val Verde verse and you can include alien, it basically at that time rivaled the Marvel Cinematic Universe in box office or something.
Joe: I mean, so that.
Greg: That’s his claim to fame. He says it’s not all very diverse, but it’s also been used in, an episode of Supercarrier in 1988, an episode of Adventure Inc in 2003. These are all TV shows, NCIS in 2017.
Joe: Amazing.
Greg: And then there was an anime show. I’m forgetting the name of it that used it as well. So the Valverde verse, we could do a whole series on it.
Joe: I think we should. This is.
Greg: Actually episode two in our Valverde coverage because we’ve already done that here.
Joe: Too. We will for sure get to all of the Valverde verse shows. And I’m glad that you mentioned the A-Team. This does feel like a trumped up episode of the A-Team 100%.
Greg: When things blow up, you can clearly see something spring up from the line up and the stunt guy is like fly up in the air as if they’ve just stepped on a landmine and you can totally see the springboard throw them up in the air. And then they do all these flips and stuff like, they’re so good. Yeah.
Greg: So good. Okay, we have to just get to it. There’s this scene where Arnold Schwarzenegger flies to an island two hours off the coast of Los Angeles, and Arnold Schwarzenegger loaded up with rocket launchers and mines and machine guns. One thing he doesn’t have when he gets you and he lands on the shore of this island, is like 18 years worth of bullets that he shoots in the next five minutes of this movie.
Greg: The amount of crates of bullets he was going to need. Yeah. For the yeah, for the future scenes. But he then goes and kills. I think it’s 81 guards on this island. In the script it was like 12. But the director of this movie had gone to an early screening of Rambo two, which was going to come out later that year, and he saw the end of the movie and saw how many people that Rambo killed.
Greg: And he was like, we are going to lose to Rambo, to this movie needs to kill more people than Rambo to. And so he just said, we’re now going to kill 125 to like 150 people at the end of this movie, and they just said, we can’t do it. And I read many different reports of of this attack.
Greg: One said they had five stunt guys, five stunt.
Joe: Guys at tracks.
Greg: And they reuse them over and over and over again. And if you look at most of the shots where there are bad guys in the frame, there’s five of them.
Joe: I could totally see.
Greg: There’s one shot where there’s more, but it’s not a lot more. It’s like eight other reports say that there was like 20 to 25, but the director said everybody who was killed in that in that scene was killed 4 or 5 times, and they would just put on a fake mustache. They would change what they were wearing. Every stunt guy that they had died 4 or 5 times at the end of this movie, and they just kept shooting and kept shooting and kept shooting.
Joe: I have so many different specific drinking games. On how the henchmen die and.
Greg: This it is.
Joe: Glorious. And there’s also some explosions where it is very clear, all, Blazing Saddles that they just have paper people that are just the shape of a person.
Greg: Are.
Joe: Exploding. And like, or dummies that are exploding and, and then also when anyone is dropped off or something. So like when he jumps out of the plane, it is the most clear. We’re just dropping like, a crash test dummy out of this plane.
Greg: Yeah, yeah.
Joe: And someone gets thrown off the side of a cliff like, any time they have it. So that’s again, spoiler alert for one of my drinking games of any time there’s a dummy being thrown down. Anything like a drink.
Greg: It’s so hilariously obvious. Yes. Was it obvious back then?
Joe: No. I didn’t notice it when it took me off multiple watching. There’s a scene where he holds one of the bad guys over the edge of a cliff, and I remember the first time when I watched it, when I was like 15. And you can see in that scene the rope around his leg that’s holding him up. It’s just like a total like they just didn’t edit it out.
Joe: They didn’t have CGI. Right. So you can clearly just see for a good chunk of time, the rope around his leg as our instructor like holding him over the edge of a cliff. Yeah, it is amazing. So they just didn’t care and I didn’t know. I mean, it took five, at least five viewing it before I noticed those sorts of things.
Greg: Here is that scene where he is holding him over the cliff.
Clip: I think you were supposed to meet him, but you won’t. Why not? Because I already know.
Clip: Oh, it’s. Oh.
Clip: Remember, Sally, when I promised to kill you last? This is what you did.
Greg: I lied like that’s the dummy going over the side. Okay, so now they walk over to the car that the bad guy was driving and it’s on its side. It’s like this yellow convertible. Yeah. And Arnold Schwarzenegger being Arnold Schwarzenegger just pushes it over.
Clip: Not only do.
Greg: They hop in. Yeah. I need you to hear this screeching noise.
Greg: There are so many fake screeching noises in this movie. But also, he pushes this car over. It’s totally dented on the side because in the previous car chase, they were like, slamming into it. And then they cut to a stuntman driving away. And it’s a brand new yellow convertible with no dents on the side. It’s just perfect.
Joe: There are so many moments when you’re watching this, right? It’s so clear. It’s a stuntman for our nuts for tonight.
Greg: Yeah. Yes.
Joe: Oh, I love that. Oh my.
Greg: God. So many times it’s like they aren’t even trying to hide it. But at the time.
Joe: No.
Greg: Because I don’t know, we just bought into it a little bit better. But I guess like grainy film back in the day maybe wasn’t something that we really cared about. It’s unbelievable how often it is not Arnold Schwarzenegger or Radon Chung doing things. Okay, I found a couple more clips. I want to play what it sounds like when they’re driving and not action driving, just driving through traffic.
Greg: Listen to this music.
Clip: Just driving.
Clip: Around.
Greg: Okay, now they’re in, like, a parking garage. Slowly going to their parking spots. Listen to this music.
Greg: Like literally nothing is happening but cars slowly parking right now.
Joe: All right. So good.
Greg: It’s unbelievable. It’s unbelievable.
Joe: They did not have to go that hard on the score. But they were just all in.
Greg: There’s a hilarious story about how quickly they had to turn this movie around and put it in theaters. They have like three weeks. The studio loved it and said, you’re not coming out next year. You’re coming out this year. James Horner had so little time that he actually just borrowed themes from others. Other movies he had done in the previous couple years.
Greg: One was Star Trek three.
Joe: Awesome.
Greg: And I’m forgetting what the other one was. It was two different movies he had done, and he just grabbed stuff from both of those scores. For this movie.
Joe: It worth the score is so amazing on this movie, I have to tell you. Like, I literally have three drinking games around the score alone and this and that is so good. It is like a character unto itself in this movie. Yeah, it is perfect. We talk about Radon Chong in this movie because I feel like she should have been nominated for an Academy.
Greg: Award for her performance in this. No one disagrees with you. What is it about her performance?
Joe: She has to say some of the most ridiculous lines. She’s like his becomes his partner in crime throughout this. Once they meet.
Greg: At the airport, she’s a flight attendant.
Joe: Yeah, the flight attendant. She’s got to carry kind of the dialog and a lot of the plot points from when she enters the film. On and she is carrying the acting in this. There’s a scene that I when she gets into her car with him.
Greg:
Joe: After an insane amount of things happens and she just has this long, it’s basically a monologue of all the things that have happened to her. And it’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard. And she’s.
Greg: She’s pretty.
Joe: Believable. So I feel like.
Greg: This would be the moment where.
Joe: This is what they’re showing the Academy Awards at the Academy Awards.
Greg: This is the Oscar clip. Yeah. Let’s check it out. What the hell?
Clip: Is my car. You ripped the seat out. You kidnaped me. You asked me to help you find your daughter, which I very kindly do. And then you can’t be involved in a shootout where people are dying and drugs. Forget all the plays. And then I watched you rip phone with out of the wall from the ceiling like Tarzan.
Clip: There’s a guy who’s going to shoot you and I save you, and he’s kidding me. Are you going to tell me what’s going on or what?
Greg: No, no, no.
Greg: No. I mean chef’s kiss.
Joe: Yeah, it’s a radio show.
Greg: On what for that pretty incredible.
Joe: Most ridiculous line. You could forgive anyone.
Greg: And why is he not telling her what’s going on? He’s already kind of explained a little bit. That’s just him just being a cold action hero, I guess in that moment. For no reason.
Joe: For no reason. Yeah, it is perfect in every way. No, just score is like out of ten. She’s out of ten. Yeah. It’s perfect. That’s perfect in every way.
Greg: Arnold. Is that a gentleman’s three? When it comes to acting, just everything is firing exactly where you want it to be. Yeah.
Joe: It’s amazing just the fact those words were written. Then she had to, like, take that and, like, make it believable. Yeah. And somehow it works. I was totally with her. I was just like, yeah, you’ve had a real rough day.
Greg: When she was auditioning. They, you know, auditioned with a bunch of people in Arnold, and she was one of the people who brought some humor to it. And they were like, this is what we need. We need someone super funny and ridiculous next to Arnold, who is ridiculous. And so there’s a lot of moments where she says something kind of funny, like, I’ve only known you for five minutes, and I already want you dead or something like that.
Greg: And he just kind of stares at her. Yeah, it totally works. You know, in TV, this is a super funny guy. And so I think this just playing right into his wheelhouse, he is the guy that they called in the middle of the night and said, Bruce Willis is in the ducts. Give him some lines to say. And so over the phone in the middle of the night, he was like, I don’t know, how about come out to the coast but have a good time or whatever you I have a few laughs.
Greg: That was him saying that over the phone and then Bruce Willis thing and the camera.
Joe: Oh that’s awesome.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. So right on Chung. Unbelievable. Yeah. This is maybe the movie that I know her best from.
Joe: Yeah me too.
Greg: She’s been working very consistently since then but not on a lot of, I don’t know a lot of things. She was in The Color Purple the year that this came out with Steven Spielberg. So anyways he kidnaps her and pulls the carseat out of her car just for like that kind of Vin Diesel ish feat of strength that have to happen in every fast, imperious movie started right here.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: I do just want to point out some random things that I loved in this movie. One is, did you notice how many times people were double punching each other, like two fists together or like on top of each other?
Joe: I did notice a.
Greg: Snigger with like, punch somebody and then like that, and it looked like he wasn’t hitting them very hard and they would be like this huge boom. And then like, that person would be knocked.
Joe: Out, dare I say it unconvincingly knocked out. As for our tropes, yes.
Greg: And it was that, yeah, this is the kind of movie where, like, people are knocked out and stuffed in closets, even if they’ve done nothing wrong. Yeah.
Greg: There’s an amazing montage of them going to Surplus City. They’re going shopping. He, like, drives a bulldozer through the window of just like an army store that has rocket launchers.
Joe: My question about that is.
Greg: Where did the.
Joe: Bulldozer come from?
Greg: Yeah, there’s no.
Joe: Yeah, there’s no establishing shot. There’s just him driving a bulldozer. I don’t know if he’s wearing a shirt in it through the window.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: This store that has every possible kind of weapon you would ever need.
Greg: Yeah, yeah.
Joe: I did not question this once when I was younger. I will say.
Greg: No. Yeah. This is just what happens in Southern California at night. We learned that in Terminator. I think he like, drove. Did he drive his car into the police station or something in The Terminator?
Joe: I think so, yeah, I think so.
Greg: This is just the thing that he does. It’s kind of his brand for Southern California nighttime driving. Yeah. If you’re going to bring that up, I think we probably do need to play. What that sounded like when he dropped this clip. Picks up with him driving through that. And then there’s kind of a lull. And then he jumps off of the bulldozer to go shopping.
Greg: And I’m going to I’m just going to say there’s probably a bit of a sound. You’ll know when he jumps off. You know.
Greg: This that’s him doing some shopping, music, shopping, montage music.
Joe: That is amazing.
Greg: All right, so they’re just grabbing everything you would need. After they’ve done some detective work. They take off in a plane and the sun is up, and then the sun is down, and then the sun is up, and then the sun is down, like three or 4 or 5 times in the scene where they’re taking off in this plane.
Joe: There’s also a moment where they’re landing the plane, and they show like the island that they’re landing in, and then they show them landing away from the island. It is the most ridiculous.
Greg: Love it. I love it when they’re flying in that plane. Did you notice who was, seeing them on a radar?
Joe: No, I missed that.
Greg: See if this voice is recognizable here.
Clip: Repeat. This is whiskey. X-ray 448 for General Kirby. Urgent. You respond. Attention. Unidentified aircraft, the Coast guard cutter Marauder.
Greg: Oh, yeah. Flying over the San Miguel.
Joe: Gunner Paxton shows up. I was so happy to see him when he came into this movie.
Greg: So great, so great. I feel like we should give just one example of what the detective work in this movie sounds like. Yeah, I think that’s a good, this movie is very much like a bond movies from the 80s where it just the worst detective work. It’s all just clumsily stumbling into things and grabbing too much meaning from a thing they’ve just accidentally found.
Greg: Yeah, every piece of paper they find in this movie is a clue that leads them to the next step. It’s incredible. Yeah.
Clip: This coordinates are somewhere near Santa Barbara. There’s something going on on this island off the coast north of here. This must be where they’ve taken Channing.
Clip: Look, here’s a photo of an amphibian airplane.
Greg: There’s invoice that they think.
Clip: Maybe they used to fly out there.
Clip: Yeah. Let’s look at that invoice type for fuel. Is amphibian. 250 gallons is what it would take to fly this plane to the island and back.
Clip: But it isn’t here. I’ve seen everything they’ve got.
Clip: It was refueled at Pump Station 32 Pacific Pier. That’s San Pedro.
Clip: So how long does it take to photograph that?
Greg: Two hours. It’s basically like Remington Steele. It’s like every 80s. Yeah. Hour long procedural. Yeah.
Joe: They find the last little bit of evidence right at the end.
Greg: I wonder if we have a.
Joe: Trope about that. Oh, yeah, we do.
Greg: Oh, I wanted to say I played that clip earlier where he dropped the bad guy off the ledge and she said, where is he? And he said, I had to let him go or I let him go. Yeah. Is this the first movie where Arnold Schwarzenegger started saying lines like that? Maybe he had a couple of those in The Terminator?
Joe: No, I don’t think so, because he played a very straight in The Terminator.
Greg: And this was really a thing he did all the way through his career.
Joe: Is this the first one? He says, I’ll be back?
Greg: No. He says, he says that in the Terminator the year before. Okay. And guess who said, I think that should be your catchphrase? Stephenie D’Souza.
Joe: Yeah. Awesome.
Greg: And so he put it in the script.
Joe: When that moment happens in the movie, it is. I was so happy.
Greg: But so dumb. That made us both so happy. I know it’s I don’t.
Joe: I don’t know what to tell you. It was perfect in every way.
Greg: I mean, he was such a strong brand, you know. Do we have anybody like that these days that they say the same line in every movie?
Joe: I don’t think so. I said something about that time as action movies are kind of evolving into the more into the mainstream. Yeah, yeah. And Arnold Schwarzenegger does like, takes over. I mean, this is a stepping stone to him becoming the biggest action star on the planet for a little while.
Greg: I think this is the movie that makes it official because Terminator was a big deal, but that wasn’t an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. This just is an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. And this movie got made because the guy who ran Fox saw The Terminator and said, I need everybody to drop everything and find a movie vehicle for that guy who played the Terminator.
Greg: And that’s why this movie was made. This is the first Joel Silver on his own production while. And so it’s kind of the beginning of of that run for him as well. I think The Terminator, everyone, everyone knew who Arnold Schwarzenegger was by then. But this is the movie where it’s like, oh no, I think this guy is just hit his stride and we’re going to go see these movies for the next 10 to 12 years.
Joe: Yeah, because then we have predator comes out like a year or two, and then Terminator 2 in 1991, probably the apex for like being honest about him as like an action action star. But he’s got some other ones that come along after that that are.
Greg: I mean, his first stumble was the last action hero, and then the next year he did True Lies. And listen, if you want to hear the conversation that needed to be had about true lies, we’ve got you.
Joe: That’s probably his peak as True Lies as an action star.
Greg: I think you’re right. After that, it’s like, well, he had that pretty rough stretch of Batman and Robin.
Joe: Eraser and eraser.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. So Joel Silver put this movie together. He had been producing movies with Laurence Gordon, like The Warriors, which is a movie that is often requested for us. I’ve never seen it. Walter Hill directed it, I think. Do you know that movie?
Joe: I know of it. I’ve seen half of it. And it’s like, yeah, I know it’s incredibly popular and it’s kind of got this.
Greg: Cult following to it. So he worked on that. He worked on, kind of random movies like Brewster’s Millions. He hadn’t hit his action stride yet, but he definitely has a theory of what he thinks movies should be. He did help with 48 hours, which is partially the beginning of of what we’re talking about here. But he pulls this movie together and then check out this run that he has from 1985 through to 1999.
Greg: Okay. I’m not going to skip any movies. Okay? I will skip TV channels. Okay. Commando, Jumpin Jack flash this movie. Goldberg. Lethal weapon. Predator. Action. Jackson. Carl Weathers, die hard road house, lethal weapon to die hard to the Adventures of Ford Fairlane with Andrew Dice Clay, little rough predator two. Wait. Hold on. Where do you stand on predator two?
Greg: I can’t remember.
Joe: I really like predator two.
Greg: I like it better than the original. Oh my gosh.
Greg: You waited eight hours of this episode to say the hottest take anyone has ever said.
Greg: Watch it.
Joe: About a year ago.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: It’s got some hard moments, but also it’s awesome.
Greg: But also Ruben Blades, right? Oh my gosh I cannot. We are so going to get to predator two I can’t wait. Yeah classic Danny Glover okay then he has Hudson Hawk. That’s a speed bump. But then he has Ricochet. The last Boy Scouts. Now you know in most producers like every third movie is the one we’ve heard of.
Greg: Everything Joel Silver is working on is like a stone good classic basically.
Joe: Oh yeah I mean this is this is my childhood bike. Yeah. Joel Silver was if he produced the movie, I was going to see it. Yeah. It’s kind of the way it was. So.
Greg: All right. So last Boy Scout, Lethal Weapon three, Demolition Man, we’re to 1993. We’ve only been eight years and.
Joe: He’s only got like two in there that didn’t do very well. I’m going to miss the mark.
Greg: At least in our hearts. Yes, yes.
Greg: All right then, Richie Rich. Kind of a change of the brand. I don’t remember if that movie did well or not. I don’t think so. Right back at it with assassins classic Richard Donner. Dicky dons.
Joe: We need to do assassin. That’s gonna be the next. I’ll be the. When we dive back into the 90s. Assassin. I remember watching that movie with you in the theater and loved every second of it.
Greg: Filmed in Seattle.
Joe: And then Seattle.
Greg: All right, we’re going to take a rough turn here for just a second, so strap it. Okay. Fair game with Cindy Crawford and an off brand Baldwin.
Joe: I have not seen that.
Greg: Me either.
Joe: I do know that our our roommate cam has seen it.
Greg: Okay.
Joe: You remember him talking about it?
Greg: All right. So rough year 1995 with fair game. But then Joe, we’re right back with executive decision.
Joe: Oh so good. That movie is amazing.
Greg: Stone cold classic. Okay, so we are in 1997 now. Again, a weird turn for him. Father’s day with Billy Crystal and Robin Williams. All right. I think their daughters tour around with the band. Sugar Ray I think is what.
Greg: The most 1997 sentence that has ever been said. Yeah. All right. We’re getting back to it with conspiracy theory. Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, Richard Donner that’s a that’s a great one. Lauryn Hill, first solo song that I know of. Just too good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. Best opening of a soundtrack song ever where she goes.
Greg: Conspiracy theory. Why I have never heard of the next movie. Double tap never heard of it, but the next movie. Be the weapon for. And you know what? Lethal Weapon four is way better than Lethal Weapon three. That’s my hot.
Joe: Take. No, no, I am with you on that jet. Gently as the bad guy.
Greg: So bad. Yeah.
Joe: So the third one should be forgotten and we should never speak of it again.
Greg: I mean, we might get to it.
Joe: I mean, we will get to it. I mean, don’t get me wrong.
Greg: All right, let’s finish in 1999 with The Matrix. Yeah. So that’s just a lot of left turns and right turns. That really kind of did set the tone for what action cinema was for 14 years. Yeah. Kind of amazing.
Joe: He had his finger on the pulse of what people wanted to see for sure.
Greg: Totally totally. Okay, so I did want to point out in the movie Commando, the stunts in this movie, albeit old school, they’re incredible. Like people are just straight up getting hit by cars.
Greg: And it is so solid. So many of the stunts are just absolutely solid. And so I want to talk about the stunt coordinator who kind of put all that together. His name is Joffrey. You see Brad, he was a guy who was the stunt coordinator for Scarface and Action Jackson. He was the stunt double for Mr. T in the A-Team.
Greg: He was famous for executing high speed driving and vehicle flips. He was a stunt performer in Die Hard the Blues Brothers Live and Let Die, Bad Boys two. I mean, he’s all over the place. He was the personal stunt double for Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, James Earl Jones, Bill Cosby and Sidney Poitier.
Joe: Holy cow. That yeah. Who’s who. Right. I’ve just stars in the world. That’s wild.
Greg: Probably also in this movie for Bill Duke. Bill Duke’s doing some awesome fight stuff. I bet that was this guy. Yeah, but he had a notable acting role in 1993 and a movie called Jurassic Park. Joe. He was the guy in the first scene of the movie who gets taken by the velociraptor. Oh, that’s such a good scene.
Greg: And that’s when the the the main guy starts yelling, you time to die! It was because the velociraptor was attacking this guy. And he also was a professional baseball player for the Chicago Cubs in 1968.
Joe: It cannot be underscored that these are practical stunts. There’s no CGI there. Right? And people being thrown through the air? Yeah, left and right.
Greg: Maybe some wires. Yeah, but a wire is better than CGI. Every time.
Joe: Every time for its time. The stunts are incredible. And yeah, yeah, I loved every second of it.
Greg: It really is just kind of nuts when you’re like, oh my gosh, a dude actually just got hit by the car right there. And that is an art form. I mean, I watched it over and over. That guy. Yeah, it is so obviously not Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. I don’t know what person just runs right in front of a car that’s going full speed through.
Greg: Parking garage. But having said that.
Joe: Having said that.
Greg: It’s amazing. They add some sound to make it feel like he hit a little harder than he did. But the way he dodged the car and then landed on the ground. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Yeah. There is an incredible amount of slow motion in this movie. I feel like we should not let that go by. No. When they’re doing like the A-Team scene at the end where everybody’s getting blown up all over the place and slipping through the air.
Greg: Yeah, a lot of slow motion going on there. There was so much that went into that scene that it actually ruined the end of the movie. They actually had to, like, cut the final sequence of the movie because they had spent all their money on that sequence, and so they told Stephenie D’Souza, you got to figure something else out.
Greg: And he said, well, what can we do? And they said, I don’t know, why don’t you walk around the lot and you’ll come up with something? And so he goes out and walks around the 20th Century Fox lot. And he found in next to his office was this like steam room. And he said, okay, we’ll just film it in the steam room next to my office.
Greg: And that’s the final scene of the movie. Okay, so he had that idea, and 24 hours later, I think, I think they were filming it. He had 24 hours to write it.
Joe: That’s amazing.
Greg: And it is not well-written, but the fight is great. But the bad guy, I don’t know rough.
Joe: He’s been very cool up until this point. And then he just kind of like makes a left turn into crazy bad guy town.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And it doesn’t quite land. But also we’re watching Commando and.
Greg: So funny like.
Joe: What do you want from this movie. Like perfect character like motivations throughout.
Greg: Totally room to grow. You know what?
Joe: Grow.
Greg: It can only get better. You know, Joe, as we’ve been talking about this, I’ve had this one like, very deep seated fear. Because this movie was a long time ago, and I’m sure there’s a lot of people listening to this who have not seen Commando. Some people have probably never even heard of the 1985 Stone Cold Classic Commando.
Greg: We’re not even sure we recommend they watch it, except that this movie lives inside our hearts. Yeah, specifically the edited for TV version for me. So in the off chance that somebody is able to track down the made for TV version on VHS at some video store, and if that video store exists, I am definitely going there.
Greg: By the way, you’re walking through a video store, you’re trying to figure out what you’re going to rent. That’s right. It’s time for the back of the box.
Joe: It’s the back of the box. When his daughter is kidnaped, Jon Matrix Arnold Schwarzenegger goes on a mission to exact vengeance. Using his skills as a former special forces operator, matrix makes his presence felt until the final shocking battle. This movie has everything knife fights, gunfights, rocket launchers, massive explosions, and more. You don’t want to miss out on this action movie.
Joe: Instant classic Commando has it all and it’s not afraid to show you. Get ready for the ride of your life.
Greg: Wow. The ride of your life.
Joe: For 85. Yeah, I yeah, I’m renting that movie.
Greg: I absolutely rent it. I bet Arnold Schwarzenegger has some notes about how he would like to be described, and they need to spend a little bit more time on. Yeah, how musclebound he is. I absolutely rent it. I’m sure there actually is a back in the box that we could find online for this movie, but it’s it’s going to be at least adjacent, if not worse than what you just said.
Joe: Absolutely. Obviously.
Greg: But you that’s not why people listen to this episode.
Joe: No, that’s not why they come here.
Greg: There is one reason the people listen to this episode, and it is what is about to happen on Mike right here. Joe, can you please give us the honest, real Joe’s guy? Tucker. Back in the box?
Joe: Absolutely. All right. I don’t even know how to talk about this.
Greg: Nothing.
Joe: It is laughably ridiculous, somehow charming. It could be an ad for the army. It could be a showcase of different ways that men know how to die. Or a satire of war films. I would buy any answer. It’s not good at all. And yet, if you asked me to watch it right now, I wouldn’t hesitate to say yes.
Joe: I don’t know how to explain this movie. It is bonkers and the fullest and best sense of the word.
Greg: That should be the quote on the poster for this film in theaters before it comes out. 1985. Yes. Oh, I didn’t I didn’t say, so they screened this movie before it had sound effects or score, and the studio said, we loved it so much that we want it to come out in theaters in three weeks. That’s crazy.
Greg: And Joel Silver said, we can’t do it. And they were like, well, comes out in a couple of weeks. You’ve got to go picture. And so that’s why all the sound effects in this movie are crazy. Totally just stuff. There’s no real like they didn’t go out and get tires screeching. They just used whatever they had. Do you remember when he got to the island and he’s like, loading guns and putting knives in the room?
Greg: Nice spots. Basically the Rambo non montage. Yeah. We have to hear what it sounds.
Greg: What it sounds like.
Clip: And then the.
Greg: Camera kind of comes up and shows him just all of that. And he puts like a massive, like, machine gun over his shoulders. And there is a end of face off level amount of smoke machine happening behind him. That in the very next shot there is no smoke anywhere. Yeah. And it’s glorious.
Joe: It is glorious. The sound effects in this movie are so beyond ridiculous. Every punch is so loud.
Greg: And yes.
Joe: Amazing.
Greg: Totally. There’s a shot where a bunch of police officers are on top of Arnold Schwarzenegger at that mall we were talking about earlier. We’re like a bunch of cops die. So many people are just shot in this mall out of nowhere. But there’s a bunch of cops on top of him, and he, like, rises up and they all kind of fall over, and I swear there’s a bowling pin sound when they do that.
Greg: And I think so.
Joe: I laughed out loud what might happen?
Greg: Okay, I’m gonna play it. I swear there is no reason I, yeah, I swear there was bowling noise.
Joe: I hear it, I hear it, I am, I’m with you. That scene is so beyond ridiculous. I’ve just like 5 or 6 people around him, and he just stands up and they all fall over in a perfect circle around him. It is so funny. It is amazing.
Greg: And these aren’t mall cops. These are like pure city cops that just all happen to be at the mall, not anywhere else in the city or county. They are all at the mall that day. Yeah, that’s something that would never happen anywhere in America. No. Yeah. One of them just hangs out in the restaurant and bar.
Joe: Where Radon Chong finds him and and like, says, hey, I’m been kidnaped. And then they cut to him in solitary, standing behind them like, most of, like, the most obvious. I don’t even know what it is, like a pylon or something. Yeah. He’s just and he like sees them and then like moves behind it a little bit. It is so ridiculous and perfect in every way.
Joe: Like the best way to describe this movie is like everything is incredibly silly and yet they take it so seriously. It just it works for and then there’s no reason that it should ever. But yeah, I love it.
Greg: We didn’t talk about Alyssa milano much. I think we should just spend 30s on Alyssa milano. What’s your take on 12 year old Alyssa milano in this movie, who was basically like the same age as the people who were in school with really, she’s perfect.
Joe: And that’s as far as I’m concerned. Like she didn’t do much in this movie aside from like, Smosh ice cream and Arnold Schwarzenegger faith. And then, yeah, she does break out of her holding cell wherever she’s being captured. Yep. Two hour plane ride outside of Santa Barbara on some island somewhere. Yeah, they do miss an opportunity where she does.
Joe: They do have a montage of her learning karate, and I don’t think she gets to use that on a bad guy. I feel like that was the one missed opportunity.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: You know, you would have expected her to, like, elbow someone in the face and run away.
Greg: Yeah. Yeah. Maybe.
Joe: Barnett.
Greg: She is great. She was like a middle school star.
Joe: Yeah. So frankly.
Greg: But then like, she sees her dad kill a bunch of people and she’s just not at all scarred by it?
Joe: No. Totally fine.
Greg: Totally fine is.
Joe: What I’m thinking and just wants to get out of there.
Greg: Yeah, and I read that she has always said this was a pretty great experience for her. She had a good time. It was fun working with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everybody was really sweet. He kind of carries her around a lot in this movie, and I guess he tripped on something when he was carrying her around in the house and somehow, like, did some bone damage to her shoulder when he fell down.
Greg: So there was some sort of injury that she had. That was kind of a bummer, but, yeah, it sounds like it was a good experience for her, which is nice to hear. All right, Joe, should we get to the box office? And critical response of the movie Commando?
Joe: I wanted nothing more in my life at this moment.
Greg: So, Joe, this movie came out October 4th, 1985. What do you think the budget was for this movie?
Joe: I got a handicap this for 19 like $85.
Greg: Yeah, I go $20 million, 10 million.
Joe: 10 million.
Greg: And I saw it said that like, this was a big budget movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger and $10 million, 1985 domestically. It made $35 million internationally, 22 for a total of $57.5 million. So this was a big hit, big hit, and laid the groundwork for everything Joel Silver did for the next 14 years. Mark Lester, the director, because he had to rush to finish it so much, he just didn’t know what he had.
Greg: And so he the night it came out, he drove all around L.A. and stopped in to a bunch of theaters to see what the reaction was, to see if people are into it. And he said that when there were the lines like, remember when I said I would kill you last, I lied, the people in the audience said it before Arnold Schwarzenegger did.
Greg: People were so on board with this movie, and he was kind of like, why is that? And then he realized, oh, that was in the trailer.
Joe: Right?
Greg: And he said that the audience knew what they wanted this movie to be, and it was what they wanted it to be, more than the people who made it knew that it was. They didn’t know what they had made, and if it was anything, and it was exactly what the audience thought it was going to be and just absolutely fit that explanation.
Greg: Yeah. All right, let’s move on to Rotten Tomatoes. What the critical response was, Joe. Now, the Rotten Tomatoes are a little bit weird for movies back then because we don’t actually have digital. Yeah. You know, data of all the reviews. So there’s only 40 reviews for Commando. Oh wow. And a lot of them have come out since this movie was released.
Greg: Like some of them are from like 2020 retrospective reviews and anniversary reviews, that kind of thing. So what do you think the Rotten Tomatoes score is for command?
Joe: I mean, it feels like a 70 since we’re doing it, so David Hall Grant. No.
Greg: Yeah it.
Joe: Does. Tip of the cards. Yeah, I’m going to go because of how I like that. I’m going to go with an 83.
Greg: Do you think the critics really loved this movie?
Joe: I think they love this movie Joe.
Greg: The Rotten Tomatoes score for the movie Commando is 70%. Oh.
Joe: It’s a perfect movie for us.
Greg: It is right down the middle 110mph. It is an absolute strike. All right. Now we have 100,000 ratings from the audience on this movie. So what do you think? The audience where the popcorn meter is from? The people on Rotten Tomatoes?
Joe: I will stick to my guns. I got 83.
Greg: 68.
Joe: Okay, so right in the same 7070 basically.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. Okay. Any time we describe ourselves to people, do you think we should say we’re in the 68%?
Joe: I mean, I think so.
Greg: And just assume that that person knows that that means we like commando. Yeah.
Greg: Okay, okay. All right. Well, not a lot of reviews on Rotten Tomatoes. And in fact, I tried to find the one from the Seattle Times. I couldn’t find it. And I didn’t go to like, the library to look at the microfiche to find it. So Dave Care from the Chicago Reader says it’s comic book stuff, helped out by the presence of Radon Chang as an airline stewardess whose sarcastic commentary adds some comic counterpoint to the deliberately over scaled action.
Greg: Yeah, bill Clark from the balcony wrote, the greatest guilty pleasure in the history of cinema a gave it an ace, a score of an A.
Joe: I mean, I feel like the greatest guilty pleasure could be the name of this party. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Greg: All right. Dan Shanahan says editing and action movies is underrated. And this one is some of the best and tightest you’ll find.
Joe: Grating on the fact that this is 85. Agreed.
Greg: Yeah. And they had three editors to finish it and put it into cinemas. So it’s interesting that it does have somewhat of a cohesive editing voice when three different people were doing it, although I’ll be honest, sometimes I was like, this is definitely somebody different than the previous. And I think that’s here’s a paper I got when I was growing up, the San Francisco Examiner, Jeffrey Anderson, I definitely read Jeffrey Anderson’s, reviews.
Greg: He says, pretty dumb. Two out of five. I’m also gonna be I don’t.
Greg: David naysayer from Real Film Reviews says Commando remains one of the best and most exciting action movies ever to come out of Hollywood. Four out of four stars. Wow.
Joe: All in.
Greg: All right, let’s see. In Ireland, the Sunday Independent. Writing for the Sunday Independent, Lee Tuohy wrote the breakneck pace of action is enhanced by Schwarzenegger’s wooden performance, which turns it into hilarious comedy. And it’s a positive review.
Joe: All in.
Greg: All right, the last review I have here is by the variety staff from variety magazine. Chung lights up the film like a firefly. Schwarzenegger delivers a certain light touch of his own, and the result is palatable. Action comics.
Joe: Yeah, palatable Action comics could be another, name for this podcast.
Greg: It could be a name for this show. All right, Joe, if you were going to watch this movie with a bunch of your friends, it might be nice to have some drinking games as you’re watching the movie. Should we get to drinking games?
Joe: Oh, my God, I cannot wait to hear what you have. And we will start with our stock drinking game. Okay, again, you do not have to be drinking alcohol to be water, juice, coffee, whatever beverage is your beverage of choice. That’s what you should be drinking when you’re doing a drinking game. So we start with our stop drinking games, as always.
Joe: Silent Helicopter do not have a silent helicopter, although I do give this one because Alyssa milano has the most amazing line, which is.
Clip: What’s that on me helicopter doing here? You said you want to go away again. You said you were through.
Greg: I’m not going anywhere.
Joe: It raises so many questions.
Greg: Why did the helicopter fly straight towards that window? And almost at the house?
Joe: Yes. Also, how did you know it was an Army helicopter? Yeah. So many questions. So there are no classic silent helicopters in this. But there is a Tony Scott of helicopters at the end of this movie. Wow. So, three helicopters. Yeah. So I am giving the silent helicopter based solely on the line of what is that Army helicopter doing that, which is hilarious to me.
Greg: It’s important to point out that Arnold Schwarzenegger, many times in this movie, knows something is happening before everybody else does, and that’s.
Joe: Amazing. I kind of got a Spidey sense to him.
Greg: A little bit.
Joe: Yeah, there is no classic push in and enhance. There is a moment when people do a slow motion look in the middle of chaos. There’s no explosion, silent suffering ringing in the ears, even though there’s lots of stuff that blows up. I did not notice. And maybe you can correct me if I’m wrong. I did not notice the opening title scene locking into place for the sound.
Greg: No, I don’t think so.
Joe: Yeah, I believe there is a flashback to dialog. There’s some rough CGI in this movie. This is like early early CGI stuff. Great bad shots are everywhere.
Greg: Wait, rough CGI, what is it?
Joe: There were a couple explosions where it’s very clear that Arnold Schwarzenegger and Radon Chung are in front of, like, a screen as there’s like an explosion behind them. And so in their final battle.
Greg: So, like, rear projection, probably not CGI. Yeah.
Joe: Okay. Yeah. Not yeah, not classic CGI.
Greg: But yeah, okay.
Joe: Great. Bad shots. And pretty much any time they’re driving at night, the streets are inexplicably wet. No. Give us the room or inner poll. And there are no cell phones in this movie. So those are our stock drinking games. I cannot wait. What breaks my heart is your first drinking game that you have.
Greg: Every time you can tell that it’s a stunt man stepping in for a star of this movie. Take a drink. So good.
Joe: Any. They’re just Arnold muscle shots that are just completely ridiculous.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Take a drink. Yeah.
Greg: Love it. Every time Arnold is acting like the Terminator for some reason. Take a drink.
Joe: I have that one. But if, like him, like, with, like, an intense face and intense staring is what I called it. Yeah. The counter to that is anytime Arnold is smiling a lot. Or a montage of him smiling.
Greg: Yeah, yeah.
Joe: I think basically the opening 3 to 5 minutes of this movie.
Greg: And if he tries to kiss a deer two drinks, obviously that’s a deuce.
Joe: Finish or finish your drink.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. Okay. Every time the music is going nuts. Well, nothing exciting is happening on the screen. Take a drink. Okay.
Joe: Awesome. Okay. I have three score related drinking games.
Greg: Okay, okay.
Joe: One, when there are excessive saxophones, one when there’s excessive steel drum and one when there’s excessive flute, I should say not an actual saxophone, flute or steel drum. They are all clearly to me like synthesizer, like samples. To me, that’s what it sounds like. Maybe the saxophone, but the steel drum and the flute feel like they’re just playing it on a keyboard.
Joe: Okay. It is switched to those those things.
Greg: So all three of those performers, though, are really putting some stank on it. They are just celebrating the song.
Joe: My God, they are going so hard for this movie.
Greg: And it.
Joe: Is.
Greg: Ridiculous. Yeah, I guess I should say, if you’re at a party with a bunch of people, you’re assigning a drinking game per person. And so then when these things happen, that specific person in the room has to take a drink.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Any time Arnold Schwarzenegger notices something is happening before anybody else. Oh, take a drink.
Joe: So good. I have any time. There’s a bad pun after someone is killed. Take a drink.
Greg: Love it. Any time somebody says Valverde, take a drink.
Joe: So any time it’s obviously a dummy being dropped out of the air.
Greg: Which is maybe the best drinking game. Yeah, it’s the most obviously for me in a movie. Yeah. All right. Every time Arnold is a jerk to read on tongue out of nowhere. Take a drink.
Joe: She takes so many straws in this movie.
Greg: Yeah. It’s ridiculous.
Joe: Anytime there’s an explosion on impact, especially with cars. Take a drink.
Greg: That’s good. Any time there is a needless amount of rocket launcher to break someone out of, police. Man.
Joe: Finish your drink.
Greg: Take a drink.
Joe: That that’s a great scene. Every time he looks at his watch.
Greg:
Joe: Oh, man, I love the countdown.
Greg: I can’t believe I forgot to put that one. Damn, that’s such an obvious one. Anytime someone uses a two fist double punch. I can’t drink my wine on.
Joe: That is, anytime you really notice the sound effects on punches being just, like, slightly over the top. Thank you. Thank.
Greg: Okay, this is my last one. And this is this one is just, you know, if anyone is coming from the heart in the room and no matter what’s going on, if they say out loud, this is kind of great, take a drink. Because I’m not going to lie, I said that like, two myself 2 or 3 times. Like, this is actually kind of great.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: I totally agree. I have a few more. I will go through as quickly as I can.
Greg: Okay.
Joe: I have any time they take a car that is not theirs, take a drink or Arnold, take the car, then I have anytime. Arnold says a line that is longer than five words. Take a drink. And any time Arnold has a line that is longer than two sentences, take a drink.
Greg: Wow.
Joe: And now I have an entire section of drinking game based on how henchmen die in this movie.
Greg: Okay, okay, so we have.
Joe: Anytime someone dies and.
Greg: Twists.
Joe: Around, okay, take a drink. Any time someone dies while flying backwards, take a drink.
Greg: Great.
Joe: Anytime someone just flies through the air, take a drink. Anytime someone dies and looks upward while their gun is still going off.
Greg: Take a drink.
Joe: Any time they die while falling into water. Any time they die while falling into bushes, take a drink. And my last one is anytime they die. When someone throws a pipe through them, take a drink.
Greg: Let off some steam.
Joe: Exactly. So those are my drinking games. And I just have to say I had so much fun with the drinking games. Yeah. This movie. Yeah, it just felt like this was the never ending gift to drinking games was this movie.
Greg: So I’m so glorious. Maybe we can have it all.
Joe: So we can. And this is called Commando.
Greg: It’s called the. All right. Sometimes when we’re watching these movies, there’s like a certain amount of things that are really kind of like the evidence that it’s a great, bad movie. And so I think it’s time for us to get to Joe’s trope Lightning Round, aka signs. You might be watching a great bad movie. I’m gonna set the timer.
Greg: All right. Okay. Three. Two. One. Go!
Joe: He’s from Special Forces, so that’s. He’s noted. We have a roomful of guns. We have a sniper scope. We have, a beautiful woman right on track who can get in anywhere. We have busting a gas stove to blow up the bad guys. We have someone saying you’re making a mistake. That’s how I’m getting ready for a fight montage.
Joe: When he’s putting all the stuff in his and is shooting himself up. You have lots of henchmen being unconvincingly knocked out. Yeah, someone being punched in the face and smiling. We have that, Bennett at the end of falling into the water and sound disappearing, he’s able to, hotwire any car, finding keys under anything. He’s the best at something.
Joe: Revenge is the driver of the protagonist. He’s out of retirement. Odd couple, friend and colleague. Oh, I have, like.
Joe: Seven more to go.
Greg: Sounds like a personal problem. Yes.
Joe: For those who don’t want to hear my personal problem, we’ll run through them. We have the henchmen who are allowed to hurt the good guy or good girl. We have the friend or colleague who dies early in the film. Usually a person of color. Conversations in the middle of chaos. Finding out a critical piece of information right at the end.
Joe: Duffle bag full of guns and medical care from a partner. Loved one that’s obvious. Staples on top up. So, as you would expect, this movie had basically all of the tropes.
Greg: All right, so there are some very there’s some elephants in the room that we need to get to. And I’ve had it. Let’s get to important questions. Let’s do it. First question Joe, you’ve already answered it. Did this movie hold up then?
Joe: Yeah, I think I did. And according to the critics then as well.
Greg: Doesn’t hold up now.
Joe: I think it does, but not for necessarily the same reasons. If you hold it up to today’s like, ethics and action movies, it doesn’t at all. But there’s something about it that I just adored.
Greg: I think you could go into this movie today having not seen it, and some percentage of you would enjoy it. But yeah, I think for me it’s mostly nostalgia. It’s, oh my gosh, this is one of the movies that made me love great bad movies. Yeah. So I, I can’t separate myself from that. Exactly. So I can’t give it a definitive probably not.
Greg: Yeah. It’s it’s my.
Joe: Answer. Probably.
Greg: It’s not a hard. No. All right. How hard do they sell the good guy in this movie? Joe.
Joe: There’s some moments with the Colonel or whoever his former.
Greg: Yeah, yeah.
Joe: Superior. The commanding officer is.
Greg: Right.
Joe: That a give us kind of classic 80s sell the good guy. So in a classic 80s way they sell the good guy.
Greg: When they meet to the beginning of the movie. Here’s what he says.
Clip: Lawson, Forrestal, Bennett. They’ve all been a hit.
Clip: Who is doing it.
Clip: You’ve made enemies all over the world, John. It could have been the Syrians, the South Americans, the Russians or a terrorist group. They’re going to find you.
Greg: So those are all the enemies that he made. There’s a little bit of selling, but then there’s also the scene where they’re kind of showing up after the fact, wherever Arnold Schwarzenegger has been and kind of surveying the scene. Here’s what they say.
Clip: Matrix call the Federal Building, have a monitor. Every police, aviation and marine channel in the area. What are you expecting World War three?
Greg: I don’t know if that’s telling me. Good day. Yes, it is, but sort of. And then at the end when he says, did you leave anyone alive for us?
Joe: Just bodies.
Greg: Just bodies. Next important question. How hard are they? Still the bad guy?
Joe: Not that much. I mean, I’m not really quite sure who the bad guy is. You know, we have then had a, And then we have Bennett and Bennett. Really the bad guy, but.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah, it’s.
Greg: Kind of me very little selling my will say, though. One of my favorite things about this movie is when they kind of explain the plot to Arnold Schwarzenegger at the beginning, the whole thing, he’s, like, strapped down to a table and they’ve kidnaped his daughter. When those bad guys are in the room with him, they all have such distinctly different like henchmen.
Greg: Looks so incredible. They all look totally different from each other. It’s amazing. Joe why is there romance in this movie.
Joe: Well there isn’t as great.
Greg: It’s the perfect scenario for you.
Joe: They cut it.
Greg: Yeah. They cut it.
Joe: It’s a perfect movie. Yeah. They cut it out.
Greg: They, they reacted to the note you would have given them. Yeah. All right Joe, are we bad people for loving this movie?
Joe: Probably I think so. I think we are I but I love this movie.
Greg: Oh, wait. I just looked at my notes and said 1,000%. Yeah. Okay. So yeah. Fair. Next important question does it deserve a sequel?
Joe: I am shocked that that does not have a sequel.
Greg: Totally.
Joe: I mean, it did really well at the box office for as time. How it doesn’t have 2 or 3. Joel Silver loved a sequel, so yeah, I’m pretty shocked that there isn’t one.
Greg: I think predator feels like basically a sequel to this movie. I would agree with that. It was supposed to happen and Arnold Schwarzenegger bailed from it. He was getting married, but also he was making predator. And I think people went to predator because they loved Commando.
Joe: Honestly, predator could have been a prequel for this. To steal the thunder from your next question, please slap them.
Greg: So doesn’t deserve a prequel. Maybe predator took place beforehand.
Joe: Yeah, if you swap out like some of the people in there, I mean, I could totally see predator as a as a sequel to this or the prequel.
Greg: So it’s more like, does it deserve a sequel or a prequel? And predator serves either of those purposes? Yeah. Okay, okay, I’ll go with it. Joe, here is maybe the most important question that I’m gonna ask you tonight. Okay. Yeah. I’m like, Should Commando have been nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars at the 1986 Oscars ceremony?
Joe: Probably. But I need to hear what it’s nominated against them for.
Greg: All right. So only five movies were nominated back then. We had Out of Africa Robert Redford, which won, The Color Purple. Okay. Which was that year, my favorite movie that came out, kiss of the Spider Woman. I never saw it because spiders are scary. I was little.
Joe: I’ve never seen it either.
Greg: Prince’s honor.
Joe: Jack Nicholson yeah, it’s a great movie. Whatever. I seen it once. I don’t remember much past that.
Greg: And then the fifth movie that was nominated, which I think goes down, is my favorite of this list, is witness. Harrison Ford. That’s a great movie directed by Peter Weir. So from that list you take anything out to add? Commando? Hey, hey.
Joe: I don’t know that I can in good faith, really, but Commando in this.
Joe: I would support on on being best, I think best supporting actress for her. Let’s see what she is. The best supporting actress we have Anjelica Houston, who wins for this honor, and Margaret Avery from The Color Purple, Amy Madigan from twice in a lifetime, Meg Tilly from Agnes of God and Oprah Winfrey from The Color Purple.
Joe: I would totally slide her in for Amy Madigan, who is an actress. I have no idea who that is.
Greg: Oh, okay. Can you somehow find a second person that you want us to take out there? I’m gonna need two slots for this one.
Joe: Okay? I’ll take Meg Tilly out to.
Greg: In both of those spots. I think we should nominate Raiden Chung for her role in the Color Purple and Raiden Chung for her role in Commando Perfect.
Joe: And then Dan.
Greg: Okay, okay. Congratulations to right on Chung. Yeah. Banner year. I mean, usually it’s just an honor to be nominated, but twice.
Joe: Yeah, twice. But she doesn’t win. I still let Anjelica Huston win. Sorry.
Greg: Right okay okay. You’re not that good. Well but also it split her vote.
Joe: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. It really hurt her to be nominated for two.
Greg: Movies, so. All right, so next important question. How can this movie be fixed? AKA who should be in the remake?
Joe: I want it from the point of view of Raiden Chan’s character.
Greg: Oh, okay.
Joe: It’s a drama.
Greg:
Joe: And kind of a thriller. And who do I want playing her character? Zoe Kravitz as Radon trans character. That’s great. And that’s kind of a Stockholm syndrome drama slash love story. And we center her character having to deal with all of this. That’s how we fix.
Greg: It I like it. It’s great.
Joe: How do you fix this movie.
Greg: Well I think we get rid of the most stock ridiculous Joel Silver things in this movie. Like just suddenly there’s just like, naked people. Yeah. It’s dumb. And every single movie that he made, I also think other stuff that he does this just stupid like some of the action stuff is great. So, you know this is an anti Joel Silver.
Greg: It’s just that aspect of it is dumb. But I do think he should replace in all of his movies. We should George Lucas all of his movies and anytime there’s just like a random seemingly naked person, let’s put it in like hilarious old like grandparents. From like, every Adam Sandler movie. And they’re just saying hilariously like, negative and inappropriate things about the action scene that’s happening in front of them.
Joe: Perfect.
Greg: Yeah. Love it. And I do think it’s time to remake this movie. I do, I don’t know who it’s for, but I it’s probably a show. It was probably like a ten episode. Yeah. Amazon series.
Joe: Yeah, I allow it. Yeah.
Greg: So who is Jon Matrix by the way? They did cut out him saying my name is matrix Jon Matrix because they’re basically making a bad movie. Yeah, I just don’t know who else he put in there then. Alan Ritchson yeah, I don’t think it’s the Rock. I don’t think it’s Vin Diesel. I think it’s Alan Ritchson.
Joe: I allow it.
Greg: You know, he plays Reacher on the Amazon Prime series. I also think it would be really, really, really funny to remake this movie with the other guy who played Jack Reacher, Tom cruise. But you film it so that Tom cruise seems like he’s like six foot four, which is like three feet taller than he actually is. Yeah, I think that would be really funny to make this movie with Tom cruise and film it in a way that he seems super tall.
Joe: Isn’t that what they did in there and the Reacher movies anyway?
Greg: Yeah, in that first Reacher movie, we’ve said it before is great. Yeah, yeah, we’ll get to that first Reacher movie. We I can’t wait to watch the movie again. All right, so for the Bennett role I’m throwing in Walton Goggins, I feel like I’m going back to the well with I’ve said these names recently, but I just I can’t think of who else it should be besides Walton Goggins for Cindy, for Raiden Chung’s character.
Greg: I’m going, I oh, a Dabiri.
Joe: I like him.
Greg: You know who I oh, a debris is from the bear.
Joe: Oh, yeah. Yeah. She’s amazing.
Greg: Unbelievable. Yeah. And obviously for like the dictator of Valverde you Pedro Pascal right. Yeah. For sure okay okay. And then the person who plays Bill Duke in this movie you just bring back Bill Duke. It’s awesome.
Joe: Yeah it’s amazing. Perfect.
Greg: All right Joe next important question. What album is this movie.
Joe: I may have used this album before.
Greg:
Joe: But this is such an 80s movie.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: And while this movie is, the album I’m thinking of as I think technically 1990, maybe even 91, it is, to me, quintessential 80s rock, and it’s kind of the end of hair metal.
Greg:
Joe: This is warrants cherry pie.
Greg: Yeah. You totally have used this before. Yeah. Why are you using the end of something for this movie?
Joe: I wanted an album that to me felt quintessentially 80s and to me hair metal. Okay is a quintessential 80s experience. I think that they had like one show and then they were signed to a major label like they were just they kind of just like were a carpet bagger that like, slid in. They weren’t a band of any repute.
Joe: They just kind of snuck in. And so this film feels like classic 80s. What is a classic 80s hair metal band? That’s what I went with. It’s Warren’s cherry pie. Okay. And I yeah, I have definitely used it before. I don’t remember what movie. What album is this for you? I feel like you’ll have a better answer than I do.
Joe: And as you came up with the same one and then it’s the greatest album ever.
Greg: I went with Kip Winger solo.
Greg: No. All right. So here’s how I thought of this movie. This is a movie by someone known. But despite previous movies like we had seen Arnold Schwarzenegger before, but despite his previous movies, this is the one that I think really solidifies him as like a bankable star that people want more of and that continues for basically the next ten years.
Greg: Right. And so I was trying to think of a band that had put out albums, but hadn’t put out the one that officially became the tipping point and started basically a ten ish year run. And I also wanted to go back to the 80s. And so I think this is U2’s War. I think this is the third U2 record.
Joe: That a much better album than this movie probably deserves that I’ll allow it.
Greg: Three of the songs on this record are trash. This album is literally a 70%. It’s seven songs plus three that I never need to listen to again.
Joe: Okay, let me,
Greg: That might be more favorable than how you feel about Commando, but I feel like the balance is about there. Like it is the most 70% album yet when it’s great. They’re my favorite band of all time. And when it’s bad, I’m honestly a little embarrassed.
Joe: Okay, what are the three songs? Can you name the three songs that are terrible? After this, I’m trying to.
Greg: The refugee, Red Light and Surrender. Okay, the tracks six, eight and nine.
Joe: I’m going to have to listen to it, and then I’ll come back an hour and like a special episode and I will debate you whether you’re right or wrong on on this.
Greg: Okay? Okay.
Joe: No, this is an amazing album.
Greg: Yeah. Okay. That’s what I’m saying. All right. Commanders. Unbelievable.
Joe: It is unbelievable.
Greg: Except when it isn’t. And U2 War is one of the best albums of all time. And I mean, think about it. In 1983, they put out war. Yeah. What year did you U2, start to turn for you? When was there a racer?
Joe: It was probably pop.
Greg: Okay, so 97. So 14 years later.
Joe: Although what’s the one right after? Achtung Baby 000 is better than you remember, but nine.
Greg: But they.
Joe: Have this run this so they have war.
Greg: And it’s like ten years.
Joe: Or they’re just amazing.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: To me war is there like let’s talk about what’s happening in Ireland album I know they have some other one other albums that kind of fit in that motif. But this is like their most perfect encapsulation of all the troubles that are happening in Ireland.
Greg: Okay, Joe, it has all come down to this. It’s time for us to rate if it’s even possible. You’re questioning if this is even possible. It’s time for us to rate Commando so we have our scale. I can say what that is, but then you can let let me know if you think it even applies. We’ve got great bad movie.
Greg: Good bad movie. Okay. Bad movie, bad, bad movie. An awful bad movie. What do you think we should do this week?
Joe: I’m not quite sure how to rate this movie. It’s kind of on the, I don’t know exactly how to describe it. It’s kind of like a great. It’s a great bad movie. And also.
Greg: It’s.
Joe: Not a great bad movie.
Greg: How is it not a great bad movie?
Joe: It’s so ridiculously 80s.
Greg: And yeah.
Joe: So silly. And parts it feels even out of place in the 80s. It’s almost like it is, the beginning of great bad movies. So maybe we need some sort of. What is the, Rosetta Stone of great bad movies? This feels like.
Greg: Yeah, yeah, one.
Joe: Of those movies that without this, we don’t have John Wick. We don’t have the. Yeah, special Forces soldier that kills a million people type of movie. Yeah, we wouldn’t have Jason Statham movie basically is what I’m saying without this movie, so I don’t know how to rate it. It is perfect and ridiculous in every way possible.
Greg: I mean, this is the oldest movie we’ve ever covered on this show. By a few years I think. Yeah. Have we been in the 80s yet?
Joe: I don’t know if we have actually dipped and released episodes into the 80s, but this is of the modern action movies.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Commando is our, our zenith so I don’t know how to rate it. It’s perfect. And it’s ridiculous in all the best possible ways.
Greg: I think you’re describing a great bad movie. We just haven’t done one this old yet.
Joe: I think it is a great bad movie. I can’t give it any less than a great bad movie and I feel like it deserves. I wish I could come up with better words for what this is, but it is. It’s a great movie. It is what we love movies for. It is ridiculous and wonderful all of the same time.
Greg: Yet I don’t think I would recommend anybody watch this movie that I don’t know. No. Like if you’re planning to watch this movie, I think I need to be there with you so that I can apologize.
Greg: Agreed. Yeah.
Joe: I feel slightly embarrassed to to like how much I love this movie, but also.
Greg: Yeah, I.
Joe: Love every second that I watch this movie.
Greg: I think our definition of great bad movie is growing to include the 80s. This week.
Joe: Yeah I agree.
Greg: Okay, well, we don’t know what to do with 1985 is what I’m learning. Yeah.
Joe: Yeah, I think so. Do you rate this as a great bad movie? I think that I.
Greg: Do that yeah I do yeah. Yeah I think it’s nostalgia. I think if I hadn’t seen this movie and I watched that I’d be like okay good. Yeah probably. But because I think this is probably where great bad movies comes from my heart.
Joe: Yeah I have to. Yeah I agree I think this is a this might be the great bad movie that starts them all or who knows? I mean, you may have some others in there, but from action movie one man takes on everyone. Save your daughter.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: There’s nothing better than this one.
Greg:
Joe: Tip of the cap. And, you know, it is a little challenging, but a 1985 great bad movie. We’ll take it.
Greg: Sure, sure. All right. Yeah, well, we did it.
Joe: Yeah, we did it. We have the conversation we had about Commando. I mean, you had. I don’t even can’t even do the math on how many years you’ve had, but basically you’ve had a lifetime to watch this movie. And if you haven’t, shame on you.
Greg: Wow.
Joe: Watch this movie. We say spoilers for Commando.
Greg: Oh, that’s a good point.
Joe: Yeah. So if you haven’t watched it, pause this episode, go watch the movie and then pick up right here where you left off. Will take care of you from from here on out. And if you like this movie, find us on Instagram at Great Bad Movie Show. Email us at Great Bad Movie Show at gmail. Like and subscribe.
Joe: As everyone says, that’s the best way to make sure that this podcast lives on for another 40 ish years. I mean, how many great bad movies are there out there?
Greg: I mean, if we’re releasing every other week, at least 40 years worth.
Joe: Yeah, at least 40 years worth.
Greg: So we’ll podcast. It’ll be a thing in 40 years.
Joe: I mean, it’ll be nostalgia, so sure. Why not?
Joe: And if you run your own podcast and you’re looking for an editor, I will say, find Sam Cunningham. He is a new father. He only edits us and a couple other podcasts, and he’s got plenty of free time.
Greg: To.
Joe: Add in podcasts and probably the best podcast editor out there. He only knows what he’s doing with us. And if you missed it, we have a great episode where we get to meet Sam. That was released just recently. So, if you want to know all about Sam Cunningham and what makes him tick, find that episode.
Joe: Anyway, if there’s one thing about Sam Cunningham. Oh. Greg. Well, listen, this has been great.
Greg: Oh, yeah.
Joe: Really great.
Greg: Really good, really good.
Joe: I agree, but I’ve got to go do some shopping, and I just, that these, construction workers left a backhoe unattended. And so I’m going to go on a shopping spree. So, I’ll be right back.
Greg: So that’s awesome. You probably take it to Vegas.
Joe: Yeah, probably.
Greg: Okay, that works for me, because I’m sure you’ve noticed. And I’m sure you can hear it in the background. I’ve been on a plane this whole time, and, we’ve been waiting to take off. And now that we’re taking off, I think I should probably say I’m airsick and trying to escape via the landing gear before it takes off.
Greg: So I can go save my daughter in the next 11 hours. Yeah, yeah. So I should.
Joe: Go. Exactly. Yeah, you should go. I mean, exactly 11 hours. Is that. Is that how long the plane ride?
Greg: Listen, Valverde is Valverde. Yeah. This is exactly 11 hours from where I am. No matter where I am on the planet. That’s the weird thing about it. Yeah.
Joe: Yeah, I’ve heard it’s exactly 11 hours from wherever you are.
Greg: There’s a 10% chance of rain 100% of the time in Del Verde.
Joe: That’s amazing. That’s amazing. I’m. I’m. I’ve got to go to. I’ve got to go unsuccessfully hide behind the pillar at a mall while, six police officers will probably surround me and I’ll throw them off, while bowling music, sound effects play in the background. So, you know, that’s what I got planned.
Greg: Going forward, I feel like you’re a broken record with that scenario that happens a lot in your life anyway. It does. That’s weird. All right, well, that works for me because, I’m sure we’ve talked about this on the night before. I’ve been a flight attendant for a really long time. Yeah. And, I’m just making some phone calls.
Greg: I’m on the phone with you right now, and there’s this creep that just will not leave me alone. I feel like I should go in and, take care of this dude. That’s ridiculous.
Joe: That’s weird, that’s weird. In my timeline, it’s 1985, and we call them stewardesses, so I. So if there are any flight attendants listening, I apologize for that. I’ve got to run. Anyway, I’ve got to go steal a car and the plane.
Greg: And.
Joe: And also, a big backhoe so I can go do some shopping. But also, you know, I’ve, I’ve got to borrow a lot of different kinds of transportation to get to the place I kind of get.
Greg: So,
Joe: Sure. Oh, my man, sounds.
Greg: Like a real adventure.
Joe: Yeah, it is, it is. You know, I probably ripped the seat out of a car just for fun.
Greg: Sure. Yeah. And I think it’s uncomfortable. Just, you know, use Bill Duke’s car next time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Joe: That’s a good idea.
Greg: Okay, well, that works for me. I am positive this has come across in my voice. Well, we’ve been recording, but I have been kidnaped. And I’m alone in this room behind this locked door, and I, I’m just really hoping my dad comes to save me. So. Yeah, I’m going to go and just be sat in this room.
Joe: Yeah. That’s right, that’s right. I’ve got to go row this boat. This, like, inflatable boat to shore. Sure. I’m only going to wear a Speedo while I do it, but that’s that’s that’s only for, purely aerodynamic reasons, obviously.
Greg: So it’s going to help you get there faster, is what you’re saying?
Joe: Yeah. Exactly.
Greg: Okay.
Joe: And there’s going to be a really.
Greg: Long.
Joe: Kind of, weirdly long edit of this as I rode this, inflatable.
Greg: Back to shore.
Joe: So, like, slightly uncomfortably long as what I’m saying.
Greg: Okay. Well, honestly, you in the Speedo doing your whole scenario there, that works for me because I’m in charge of night security at this place called Surplus City.
Joe: Oh, yeah? Yeah.
Greg: And can I tell you the one thing that’s, like, the most awesome part of having this job is no one knows when I’m not there. It’s so awesome because they’re all home and it’s nighttime. Yeah. So I’m just going to go park this bulldozer right here and, you know, right by this building. And I’m going to go hang out with some friends down the road now.
Joe: But as in, yeah, I’ve got to go, I’m going to go stand in the middle of a field and then just shoot a million people as they run towards me, okay? You know, with no cover at all. But they won’t be able to shoot me at all, but I’ll be able to kill them in many different.
Greg: Ways, you know, am I hearing you right, that you would be doing that in a way that’s, like, better than Rambo two?
Joe: Oh, you know, like, for sure. Like on a magnitude of at least ten times better than Rambo two.
Greg: It’s not three times. It’s pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I. Yeah. Okay. Well, that works for me because I’m a cop. I mean, you know this, but I don’t know if I’ve said it on the mic. My usual beat is this, restaurant and bar at the mall. And it’s a, it’s this mall. We’re actually many, many actual city and county cops are on duty at the same time.
Greg: So I should probably just, you know, go since I’m working.
Joe: Yeah. That, that track that tracks. I’ve got to go. I’ve got to go to my second job where I fall out of buildings and planes and then pretend I’m a dummy, and make that look very realistic as a as if I’m, not a human falling out of a plane or or off a cliff for any, any reason like that.
Joe: So.
Greg: Sure, sure. That works for me because, I’ve invented a way to instantly remove dents from little yellow convertibles.
Joe: That’s a great technology to have. I honestly.
Greg: It seems really valuable.
Joe: Especially not only is it only yellow convertibles, or can it be transferred to any other kind of convertible?
Greg: I should be very clear. It’s not all yellow convertibles, it’s only little yellow convertibles.
Joe: Okay. Little yellow okay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
Greg: That’s not even really a reason to go. I just wanted to. I just kind of want to brag about it for a minute, so.
Joe: Yeah. Yeah. You should.
Greg: So I don’t need to go. I can hang out a little longer. You want to hang out?
Joe: Yeah, yeah. Let’s hang out and listen to YouTube War and and and debate whether it’s the greatest album ever written.
Greg: Okay? Okay. Well, since you want to hang out, I just realized I actually have to go because I just saw an early screening of Rambo two. And so I’m going to need to massively rewrite this awesome movie that I’m, currently working on to have way more tales. So I better go.
Joe: That dance. All right, well, that works for me, so I’ll see you soon.
Greg: I love that works for you. Because, Joe, it also works for me. So I will see you soon. Yeah, soon.