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This week on The Best Movie Steven Seagal Never Made:
- Rule #1: Reconnect with a long-lost friend by watching Great Bad Movies.
- Rule #2: Record the conversation as a podcast (and maybe make some drinking games.)
- Rule #3: Never look at the package.
Joe’s Back of the Box
Frank (Jason Statham) has rules that have served him well. He is the best at what he does, getting things from point A to point B. When he starts breaking his own rules, he ends up in the middle of a human smuggling operation. Can he fight his way out? Or is he in too deep? This movie has it all as we navigate from the country side to the city streets of France. The Transporter always delivers and this movie is no exception.
The REAL Back of the Box
This is the movie that made Jason Statham an action star. If you are like me, and I can bet you are if you are listening to this, then that statement fills you with joy. He is one of our most reliable great bad actors acting in some of our most revered great bad movies of the last 25 years. So any time we get to visit an origin story we are better for it. This movie mostly, mostly (voice getting higher and higher as I pull a Greg Swinehart) does it? The action scenes can feel a little dated and the fact that bad guys are down for a kung fu fight when they have guns is mostly, mostly excused. So put an asterisk by this one and enjoy the good parts and try to forget the bad.
Note: This transcript has been auto-generated, so… You know… It’s not our fault.
Greg: Joe in the movie we watched this week. Jason Statham lives by three specific rules. Do you have a specific rule that you live your life by?
Joe: I wish I had something as as specific as three. I have one, and that’s not even going to be super funny. It’s just stay out. It is basically my rule. Or as Dory likes to say, just keep swimming. It’s another thing that we say in our house, but stay ahead. It is kind of what I tell myself. This is where I get kind of boomer ish, in my view of Mike and the hard work will set you free type of.
Greg: Yeah, and you are 75 years old. We should have said that earlier.
Joe: Yeah, yeah. Really the the opening scene up is about being so. Yeah.
Greg: So many balloons everywhere. Yeah. People can’t see it because it’s an audio podcast.
Joe: Yeah, but what about you, Greg? Do you have a rule that you live by?
Greg: The honest answer is my rule is just get people in the same room. Everybody needs to be hanging out. No matter who you are. You should get everybody together. That’s kind of like my rule number one. But I also kind of feel like Jason Statham’s rule number three, which is never look at the package, is something I should live my life by.
Greg: And that’s why I have a pile of unopened Amazon boxes behind me.
Joe: That’s a pretty good rule to live by.
Greg: Yeah, pretty good rule, actually. And that’s my way of saying I got nothing. Let’s get to the show. Let’s do it.
Clip: I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind transporting something for me. No questions asked. Why not? Frank Martin is the best in the business. 75,000 have now. I have one delivery. He never made a mistake until today. Why did you try to kill me? You broke the rules. You open the package.
Clip: The transporter.
Greg: The year is 2002. Oh my gosh, Joe, it’s time for super smart, mundane jobs. Number two, Louis Leterrier. If that’s how you say his name. And Corey Ewan, it’s confusing who actually directed this movie because it’s actually, I think co-directed by the two of them teamed up with writers Luc Besson and Robert Markman of Taken Fame Future Take Fame, and they teamed up with Jason Statham to make a great bad movie called The Transporter.
Greg: Or we are talking about Jason Statham, Matt Shultz from the Fast and Furious movies.
Joe: Shu ki.
Greg: We should definitely point out that Francois barely end is in this movie. As Inspector Marcone. He will come into play. Rick Young is Mr. Kwai, Chucky’s dad. That’s basically all we have to say, Joe Sky Tucker. What makes The Transporter a great bad movie?
Joe: I have to say that this is one of those movies that I watched in the theater when it came out. No expectations lower than low.
Greg: Totally rock bottom. No place to go but up.
Joe: And it blew me away when I was. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. So I love this movie. Seen it many many times. Yeah. I haven’t seen it in a while. So this is a neither can I coming back. Does it hold up. So I have to say I’m in the tank for this movie. I feel like Luc Besson, all his troubles aside, if you need to get into it again, you can Google him and allegations.
Joe: Not a good person has his finger on the pulse. I’ll randomly have these movies that kind of come out, whether it’s the professional, the transporter taken that just like hit at the right time. People are ready for it and they’re just awesome. So he’s a writer on this, I think maybe a producer, but I’m not 100% sure on that.
Joe: All of that to say, this movie is bonkers. If you’re looking for anything coherent in terms of a plot, just move along. If you’re here for the Hobbs and Shaw travel logic, and you want to just kind of turn your brain off and just go, why are they fighting with kung fu when they have guns everywhere? Then this is the movie for you.
Greg: Why are there guns in France?
Joe: Yeah, they’re guns in France. Apparently. Only the bad guys. Yeah, yeah. Proving that yes, the NRA was right and only the bad guys have guns. So it’s one of those. It’s just the action sequences are tight and kind of a 2002 kind of way. So I would feel like it doesn’t hold up till kind of some of the stuff that we’re used to watching, but it’s still really good.
Joe: Yeah, it’s a fun hybrid kind of chase movie slash kung fu movie, the kind of the car chases in the beginning and then really is kind of follows a lot of the patterns of a kung fu movie with some of the set piece. Yeah, totally. They do. So I love this movie. I still feel a little guilty about it, as it does the low tens of a guilty pleasure to me, as I’m sure it is the also the the star making turn for Jason Statham, someone who we will do.
Joe: We could do every single one of his movies on this podcast.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah, honestly. So I will stop because I could just going on Greg heart. Yeah. What are your thoughts on the transporter?
Greg: Oh my gosh. My reaction to this movie this week is so similar to what it was back then. I didn’t see in the theater. I my roommate had it on DVD. I walked in the room as it was starting and he said, I think you’re going to need to sit down and watch this movie with me. This is a surprisingly great movie.
Greg: There’s a couple moments, like in the first 25 minutes, you’re like, oh my gosh, this, this was great. You know? And we’ll get to those moments. But like also just like many of the performances are better than they should be. You know, like Jason Statham is pretty good. The guy who plays the French detective.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: The two of them together have something. They have such a good rapport in this movie. And that’s written, but it’s also performed and there’s really solid performances. But then the action, you know, is just pure Hong Kong. It’s pure, and that’s Corey Liu, and he had done a bunch of, choreography for Jet Li. I don’t know if he had directed, but he had done a bunch of that in the previous ten years.
Greg: I think he was part of the group that Jackie Chan was a part of in Hong Kong as well, if I remember that correctly, there was some name for a group of people there and watching it this week, it’s just right in our wheelhouse with super smart, mundane jobs. This guy just transports things.
Joe: Yeah, that’s also.
Greg: The best thing on the planet when it comes to, I don’t know, everything.
Joe: Yeah, getting something from point A to point B, he’s got his rules of that.
Greg: Oh top. There’s at least the top three rules. There must be a rule for in transporter two.
Joe: There’s got to be I’m trying to remember I’m transporter two shockingly close to the same plot as Man on Fire and.
Greg: In the same car.
Joe: I think. Yeah. So it’s one of those one of those movies that came out that’s very similar to another movie, kind of like The Losers and the A-Team and those kinds of movies, right? Yeah. Anyway, we will for sure get to the Transporter two, so don’t worry. All right. Now, it’s funny you mentioned Jackie Chan because there are moments in this that remind me of Jackie Chan.
Joe: Yeah, martial arts scenes. Totally. Where it’s 20 people surrounding the good guy. Yeah. Kind of. To your point, from last week of, like, they get this all attack at the same time, but they all wait, wait their turn while.
Greg: On the ground. Joe.
Joe: It’s impossible. That’s right. I may have laughed out loud in the theater when he dumped the oil on. Yeah, yeah.
Greg: And then slides all over the place.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: There’s, like, clearly some wire pulling him.
Joe: So good.
Greg: So I will just say my one pushback being that this is a super smart mundane job movie, he does surprisingly little beekeeping in this movie. Maybe he just wasn’t a simple beekeeper yet. Yeah.
Joe: Not yet, not yet, not yet. Felicia Assad has not shown up. Yeah, she’s.
Greg: On the Cosby Show, I think. I don’t know when that stopped. Yeah, but we will get to the beekeeper. Are you kidding.
Joe: Me? Yeah.
Greg: Here’s my question to you that I asked last night as I sat down and finished this movie and then immediately started transporter two. And then about 45 minutes in, turn that off and then immediately turned on Wrath of Man. How many Jason Statham movies do you think you could watch in a row? Like for real? Because it’s never just one.
Greg: It’s usually somewhere in the middle of the next one where I go, I can’t keep doing this. I have to turn it off.
Joe: How many do you.
Greg: Think you could watch in a row.
Joe: At that minimum? Three. Yeah, I think okay.
Greg: That’s a good number.
Joe: And I’m debating whether where I want to go. I mean, I remember him obviously in snatch that’s probably his biggest star making turn and then lock stock and Two Smoking Barrels. So those are both Guy Ritchie right. Half of man I think is Guy Ritchie two. Yeah yeah.
Greg: And by the way I should just say we will get to Wrath of Man.
Joe: Okay. Wait. I feel like Guy Ritchie has finally just given up on having female characters. And like, everything is about men. Yep. So I’ll just name my movie about the wrath of man.
Greg: He’s British Michael Mann.
Joe: Yeah, it bothers me more now when I go back and watch like his movies where I feel like David Lynch has taken the mantle of kind of what Guy Ritchie could have been. In terms of like a stylized action movie with like, interesting characters. Yeah. But also like, women can also be part of your world. Sure. You know, just say yeah.
Joe: Anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox and talk about transporter, which has probably no redeeming qualities if you look at it through like any sort of gender studies lens at all. But that’s not what you come to this podcast for. So, I mean.
Greg: You might a little.
Joe: I, we hope.
Greg: We’re thoughtful people.
Joe: We. Yes.
Greg: I think you were bizarrely quiet after I said bad.
Joe: I know I’ve lost my train of thought now completely on where I was going with any of this. Well, maybe.
Greg: It’s sort.
Joe: Of three, three, three Jason Statham movies in a row, I think. But I was trying to think of like, where where in his total catalog, what I start because I would probably start with the transporter.
Greg: Yeah, 100%.
Joe: It’d be hard not to go into transporter two like you did, because you want to see what happened with Frank. Sure. And the first ten basis. Yeah. I think Hobbs and Shaw. Well, we got to bring David Leach into this. Yeah, and we probably need one more. He’s a bad guy. Oh.
Greg: When is he a bad guy? Well, I guess fast seven. Yeah. Furious seven. Sure.
Joe: Until he turns good and furious nine.
Greg: Was it nine? It might have been eight. I haven’t very fast.
Joe: Yes. Went from killing everyone that we loved to. Right. Oh, you saved a baby. Yeah. Welcome to the team.
Greg: It’s good. Yeah. We all make mistakes.
Joe: I would need maybe a day that maybe the beekeeper. Honestly, we could do three mundane jobs with just Jason Statham because he is the mechanic. Yeah, the transporter and the beekeeper. Yeah, yeah.
Greg: I shared this with you off the mic, where I had a moment one night.
Joe: Where.
Greg: I could not stop asking myself this question. Is the mechanic with Jason Statham the best movie that has ever been made?
Greg: I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So my whole family goes to bed and I was like, I have to find out. I’m so sorry to say, it is probably not the best movie that’s ever been made, but I did immediately start the mechanic to like resurrection or whatever it is. Right? And then about, you know, 30 minutes in recognized my error and turn it off.
Greg: But I mean, there was no question if I was going to start the mechanic to after, I’d watch the mechanic, even though I was it was not the best movie of all time. Yeah, but there was just a moment I was like, this might be the greatest movie that’s ever been committed to film.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: So yeah, definitely the mechanic is in there. The transporter, the Homefront. I’ve never seen Homefront. There’s like 100 of.
Joe: These.
Greg: And he is so consistent.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Should we take a second before we even get into what happens in the transporter and just talk about Statham?
Joe: I think we need to. This is the conversation that needs to happen around really Jason Statham.
Greg: But absolutely, absolutely.
Joe: The transporter.
Greg: Let me ask you this. How old do you think he was in the transporter?
Joe: I think he’s in his mid 30s.
Greg: 34 years old.
Joe: Yeah. He’s a former like professional, like almost Olympic level diver. Oh really? In a like another life they’re like from him in the early 90s. Yeah. Like diving. Yeah. And I so it’s he’s lived a life.
Greg: What do you have anything like that in your life. What’s something that you did that’s like another another life for Joe Guy Tucker.
Joe: I mean, now it’s I mean, it’s probably like working in residential treatment with kids and locked of settings. Yeah.
Greg: You’re an Olympic diver there for a while.
Joe: Yeah. Also that. Yeah. So, you know, at the same time. So it’s sort I’m trying to make ends meet. Yeah.
Greg: You did it with a Bieber. Yeah obviously.
Joe: Well basically. Yeah. But yeah there’s nothing that’s like that. That’s like that much of like a left turn into kind of the heights of stardom that he has hit and roughly maintained. I mean, he has probably jumped the shark into kind of B-movie action trope land, sure. But he’s, as you say, consistent. He doesn’t ever ruin a movie.
Joe: He’s never going to be like the greatest actor you’ve ever seen. That’s not Daniel Day-Lewis or anything like that, but he’s not going to ruin any movie you’re watching. Can Daniel Day-Lewis pull off the transporter?
Greg: Oh, that’s a great question. It’s time for a remake.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Hold on, let me change some of my important questions.
Joe: Should Daniel Day-Lewis remake this movie?
Greg: He always makes the movie better, but then he will try something new. Like in the in that movie spy with Melissa McCarthy. He is so good in that movie. That was, I think, the first time he was allowed to be funny.
Joe:
Greg: He was so funny in that movie. That’s one of my favorite movies of the 21st century. I wouldn’t put it past him, though, that if he did like a dramatic turn, I bet he could do it. I wonder if he’s been on stage. Maybe he saves that for the stage. Maybe there’s like a whole stage stage reverse of Statham that we don’t know about it.
Greg: Probably not. But you know, I wouldn’t put it past him.
Joe: I would be curious to see him in a truly dramatic role.
Greg: Yeah, he’s been 34 years old since 2002. Yeah, like he’s maybe 38 now. How is he doing that?
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Diving. He’s diving still.
Joe: Yeah. Still diving.
Greg: Well there you go. The conversation that needed to happen about Jason Statham I think he did it.
Joe: Yeah I think nailed it. Yeah. He can do anything.
Greg: Should we stick around and talk about the transporter?
Joe: I guess so I mean.
Greg: This movie starts with a shorthand of, of credits that look exactly like The Matrix for no reason. Yeah. It’s like the green kind of old school screen computer screen. And he’s he’s picking up some people and, we learn about his rules that he operates under. We find out that, you know, people are kind of, like, crazy and scatterbrained in crazy moments.
Greg: And he is not he is calm and collected. Should we hear how this movie opens?
Joe: Absolutely.
Clip: Let’s go this far. You shouldn’t count. I’m impressed. I drive a little one. Never change the deal. There was transportation for three men with the combined weight 254 kilos. Yeah, well, this is a new deal. An extra 80 kilos means will not make a destination on the guess about it. So we’ll stop and get Lucas. Every step we make exposes us.
Clip: Every exposure increases the risk of getting caught. An extra two kilos means the shock absorber, sliced off with his jawbone up, gives the ability to help maneuver any police that might be chasing us. Which means if there is a chase, we lose our advantage, which also increases the possibility of getting caught. I don’t want to get caught. You don’t want to get caught?
Clip: Just drive the car, man. You’re gonna catch a bullet to the brain. Who’s going to drive this asshole I drive? Not without the ignition code. You want.
Joe: I will say, when I saw this the first time, the beginning of that opening scene. Yeah, I was worried.
Greg: What’s the concern?
Joe: The concern is okay this is going to be a silly contrived movie. And it’s not, it’s not. Yeah. It’s I’m not going to watch the transporter for the plots. I’m hoping that the acting and the plot and the writing. Yeah. Stitched together well enough. Sure. Between the action scenes, especially back then, I was like, I didn’t like I couldn’t have cared less about the plot.
Joe: As long as it’s not terrible.
Greg: And it’s almost better when it’s laughable.
Joe: Yes.
Greg: Especially in 2002.
Joe: Yeah, absolutely. And so I was like, okay, now this is what it’s going to be. And then we proceed to have one of the best at that time, car chases I’d seen in the movie.
Greg: Real car.
Joe: Chase, real car chase, no.
Greg: Special.
Joe: Effects. Yeah. From then on I was like, I was hooked. Yeah. I mean, I mean, on these rules. I’m glad you have these rules, Frank. Sure. Yeah.
Greg: I mean, look at the package sometimes.
Joe: Yeah, sometimes.
Greg: People need socks.
Joe: But. So. Yeah, but I definitely had questions when they were in the in the middle of that scene, I was like, oh, it’s this, this is going to be too silly. I think of my was my worry.
Greg: And as they’re going through that car chase, the people in the car could not be more broad. Everyone except Statham is playing this very broad.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: For laughs. The music is comical. There’s like comical music as action is happening. So you were right to be.
Joe: Yeah, yeah.
Greg: Like fast. It’s almost like a French farce.
Joe: Yeah. That’s kind of what I was. That’s, that’s exactly it. That’s what I was worried it was going to be, it was going to be like two silly and farcical. Yeah. And just the action sequences make up for any of those deficiencies within the, within the plot of that which. Yeah. Again is razor thin and stitched together with just hopes and dreams and duct tape.
Greg: Really, they’re leaps in this thing that would never be in a great big movie in 2025.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Like he turned sideways on a bridge and then somehow hits the curb so hard that he goes over like the railing of the bridge and clears it. Yeah. In the space of a normal width, sidewalk somehow goes entirely over the rail of this bridge. It entirely impossible. It’s exactly like the bus jumping in speed or was like, hold on what?
Greg: And lands perfectly on like those trucks that are, like delivering a bunch of cars.
Joe: Yeah. And there’s a scene where at the end, one of the henchmen. Yeah, slides on a door and then does a jump. Yeah. If if you follow this shot, he just gets decapitated by, like, the guardrail, but somehow jumps over the guardrail. Yeah. It’s like they just wanted to throw that into the movie for fun. Like, I appreciate the the effort, but totally.
Joe: If you’re if you’re watching at home like I was for the millionth time, I was catching more of those moments earlier. Yeah. Okay. We have come a little ways and and the movie magic.
Greg: And it’s so clearly a dummy.
Joe: Yeah, yeah.
Greg: On there. It’s not a real person.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: At the end. And then when they stop and the guys get out of the car, the guy who’s like, in the passenger seat is just covered in like Tony Scott Sweat, you know, and Statham is dry as a bone. And it was like passenger guy sweat on for you know. Yeah a Statham nothing. We’re good. Yeah.
Joe:
Greg: And he just goes home and we’re good. Yeah. No big deal. He lives like on the water in France. It’s the most beautiful place ever.
Joe: Why you would leave your that house to do anything. Yep. Yep. It’s like a milkman that comes. There’s you know he’s friends with the local constable. Yeah.
Greg: Is that the detective I.
Joe: Don’t know I based on that in there for color. So. Okay, okay.
Greg: I’m going to go with it. That’s amazing.
Joe: Okay. My question is in the Luc Besson averse, is this the retirement of Leon the Professional?
Greg: Oh, interesting. Was Leon the Professional a military guy?
Joe: I can’t remember.
Greg: I can’t either, John Renaud. Is that the guy who, played Leon?
Joe: I always just wonder if all of his movies are connected in some way. Yeah, Colombian Ana was supposed to be the sequel to, The Professional. Right? Right. Leon shows up in a couple of his movies, and La Femme Nikita and and The Professional. Obviously. So I just always wonder if he really just does, like, trying to make movies for Jean Reno.
Greg: And probably we all should be. Yeah. That’s awesome. I can’t tell if they’re all in the same universe, or if he’s just a very simple man who has been running on the same premise.
Joe: Yeah, fair. And it hits every ten years and it hits. Yeah.
Greg: I mean, his his thing here was I think the production company is called Europa Mid Budget action movies filmed over there that could play to an international audience. That’s the whole business plan for Luc Besson. And in the case of this movie, Slam Dunk.
Joe:
Greg: Not the basketball as a European sport. But yeah he was making movies for us and we were and we were watching them.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: What’s amazing though is this movie came out after we were no longer hanging out.
Joe:
Greg: And the two of us are in our own homes.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Miles apart from each other. We realize freaking out about how great this movie is and probably screaming from the rooftops to anyone who would listen to me.
Joe: There’s a movie I saw with my friend Phillip. He lives now and, and and Denver, and he was living in Portland at the time, and I was oh, and I went down there to hang out with him for the weekend or like, you want to go see the transporter. And we’re like, more than anything of everyone, you know, there’s a high likelihood we were high strung, but but never both.
Joe: Never miss me. Breaks my heart, boys. What it. Wow.
Greg: Like your split up a little bit there.
Joe: Yeah. And but it was one of those again my favorite movie experiences. All right. Low to no expectations. Yeah. Yeah. And something that exceeds that. And I know that that’s probably the most obvious thing to say in a lot of ways. But yeah, for the movies that I have loved and I come back to time and again, that is almost always a common denominator.
Joe: Yeah. Oh, fast. For I watch it. But I saw Tokyo Drift and I’m just, you know, not feeling so you know. Yeah. And then you’re just like slapped in the face by something that is. Yeah. Tacular. So yeah, that’s the secret of great bad movies for me is if you can go in with no expectations, then you can just be pleasantly surprised by the good parts.
Joe: And you were expecting the bad parts, I think is probably what it was.
Greg: I think this is a universal truth across all things forever. If you go in with low expectations, you’re going to have the greatest time of your life. Yeah, this is, you know, for Oscar movies, same thing. Go in thinking like, this is going to be the worst movie I’ve ever seen. Oh my gosh.
Joe: This was.
Greg: Top Gun Maverick, I think nominated this one for Best.
Joe: Picture. Or oh my God.
Greg: I mean, but the accountant, the accountant is the same thing. Like, this can’t be good.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: This guy’s an accountant in the. He’s a super smart, you know, the best at something. Yeah, absolutely. Throw in some Anna Kendrick, throw in some J.K. Simmons.
Joe: We’re good to go. Yeah.
Greg: In this movie, I feel like as Statham is taking things a little bit too seriously, I want to say the people in the movie with him are entertained by how seriously he’s taking it, or they’re laughing at the script as they are in the scene. It’s very like as he’s giving his rules, it’s such a stretch that I feel like the bad guys that he’s like having these conversations with, they’re entertained by.
Joe: Yeah, how.
Greg: Ridiculous this movie is that they’re in. Let’s hear some more of the rules in the his next conversation with the bad guy.
Clip: Of pick up 7:00 in the morning at the front door. In a package one meter 50 by 5050 kms 250km. Traveling within a speed limit when stuff refreshments, 40 things. That’s now for delivery. Delivery will be it. No, no one’s there. It is not my responsibility. I’ll leave the package once we make a deal. The terms of that deal cannot be changed.
Clip: We negotiate as a rule. It’s rule number one. Do we have a deal?
Clip: With you. Very precise. Transportation is a precise business.
Greg: And then he walks away.
Joe:
Greg: And the bad guy sitting next to the bad guy, he was just talking to you. They share eye contact and the bad guy that is sitting next to him just shakes his head like no, that’s not.
Joe: It’s not a precise business.
Greg: Or can you believe that we’re even in the scene? I mean, anyway, you read his head shake. It’s like best movie moment in my life.
Joe: Yeah, that’s.
Greg: So funny cuz we’re all like, this is.
Joe: Ridiculous. That’s awesome. I missed that in the in that first watching of this.
Greg: There’s very much what are we doing with our lives? Head shake from the guy that kind of looks like Statham. There’s kind of a henchman that looks like Statham in this movie.
Joe: It’s probably has like, stunt double or something. And they’re just, like.
Greg: Probably like a diver from his Olympic team. Now that I’ve learned that he was doing that, he’s got buddies all over the place. His entourage is definitely getting parts in movies. A hilarious how different the henchmen who work for the bad guy in this movie like I sent you a picture. I had to pause the movie. There’s a picture of like an old frumpy dude in a suit, and then there’s like the most, like, hair product, red sunglasses, red shirt with enormous collar suiting suit of guy.
Greg: They’re like, such different styles. And it was like, this is the greatest. When henchmen look so distinctive, become. That is definitely a sign that you’re watching one of these.
Joe: Yeah, it reminds me of the meme of like of like of an anime. And it’s like the character is just like the most outrageous character. And they’re like, I wonder if this is a bad guy in this movie. It’s a.
Greg: Hundred percent.
Joe: What that guy was doing. Oh my.
Greg: Gosh. It made me laugh so hard that I had to take a picture and send it to. Then I thought he was going to get two more rules. They’re rule number one is don’t change the deal. Rule number two is no names. And rule number three is never look at the package that he’s transporting, right.
Joe: And never open the package. And then there’s like a some other ones that are in there.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah. That we get to later because he breaks. Basically what happens in this movie is we have a man with lots of rules who proceeds to break every single one of his rules, throughout the course of this movie.
Greg: So it’s an allegory for what.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: But, what are the what’s the deep meaning of this movie, Joe?
Joe:
Joe: Well, I’m gonna go do that. Yeah, sure.
Greg: I’m just here to ask the questions.
Joe: It’s probably not, to change the deal or. I don’t have a good answer. I wasn’t ready for a philosophical question about the transporter.
Joe: Those who are consumed by rules are doomed to fail. No. To break them or to break them. Yes, that’s what it is.
Greg: Interesting. Statham in this movie is wearing basically a very matrix the agent suits. Yeah, I feel like there’s just the matrix all over this movie. You know, Wu Peng did the action scenes very Hong Kong cinema for The Matrix. This is three years afterwards. We’re still just on a matrix. Hi. Yeah, and I feel like this movie did kind of sneak in as, oh, you should see it.
Greg: There’s like, Hong Kong cinema action in it, and the opening credits look like The Matrix. So we’re so we’re good. But also, Statham is dressed like an agent in The Matrix, and he looks very good as a 34 year old gentleman in his suit made me kind of want to put on a black and white suit, to be honest.
Greg: I should have worn this. And I’m wearing the henchman red suit, I should say. Yeah, in my head. Straight up. Now, we were this. He looks pretty good. He’s a little tricksy. His brakes squeak at one time, which really kind of surprised me in his BMW. That’s ridiculous. We’re showing that he’s so precise about everything that I don’t think his characters brakes really squeak.
Joe: Yeah, but maybe.
Greg: A low budget action movie. It’s BMW.
Joe: Yeah. Has squeaky brakes. Yeah. So basically we have the opening scene where we kind of they set the framework for the character and he’s the best transporter. Then we have the next transportation job.
Greg: And I’m sure he doesn’t look at the package.
Joe: Right. No he doesn’t look at the package. Or does he.
Greg: Wow. They got a really got really deep hair. That’s incredible. He broke his own rule.
Joe: Thank you. Find that he’s carrying a person right.
Greg: There’s a woman in a in like a duffel bag in his in his trunk. She doesn’t make any noise when he’s parked and eating a sandwich somewhere at a rest stop.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Zero noise. And then the next time he sees her, she’s moving and making noise.
Joe: Yes. So he’s got to get her or something to drink.
Greg: Very concerned with straws, which must be French.
Joe: And I’ve never seen this anywhere else in any movie or any other vending machine. It goes to a vending machine that has a special slot for straws.
Greg: 100%. What was going on there? Do we need to go to France right now and yeah, and check this for quality. Like is that a thing that happens there?
Joe: I doubt it.
Greg: We’re going to need all our French listeners to email. Yeah. And let us know.
Joe: Please not yeah. We need to know if there are because it plays a big part in this movie because it happens multiple times if you’re playing along at home with, spoiler alert, I’m not drinking game of mine anytime. So he has to give a hostage that he’s transporting a drink, take a drink that’s solid.
Greg: So that’s a good one.
Joe: Goes to a vending machine that has straws. Just for this reason, I’ve. Every time I’ve watched this movie, I’ve had the same question of like, is this a special vending machine that they had to create for this movie, for this moment so that he could cut a small slit in the tape on someone’s mouth? Or the straw like that is, that’s the only reason for it.
Greg: So it’s a vending machine and kind of like above the buttons there’s like a pocket where you can, there’s a bunch of straws in there that you can grab. This is a public vending machine in America. Do you trust that those straws are.
Joe: Clean I do not there.
Greg: Is.
Joe: No way.
Greg: I’m grabbing one of those straw.
Joe: Now, and no country ever would I trust any straw that’s just in a vending machine.
Greg: I think rule number four is get the package sick.
Joe: Yeah. Yes, they have the closest because they do now, I.
Greg: Had a real moment where I was like, what? I would never grab that. Wait, where is that? Maybe that’s in a culture where there aren’t monsters. Like like America.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: So she tries to get away. He is late to the drop off. There is some moment where, like, I don’t know what he does, but he says, good girl to her. And that’s when I was like, Luc Besson, you are ridiculous. I want nothing to do with you. Yeah, I really, really, really dislike any movie where a dude says good girl to a woman.
Greg: There’s something so stupid about it. That is the very low point of this movie for me, and that is saying something.
Joe: Yeah. Okay, guys, let’s let us tell you, dear listeners, this movie goes so low.
Greg: It’s my least favorite part of this entire movie. It’s so ridiculous.
Joe: Yeah, that’s pretty ridiculous. And I’m trying to remember how it goes because he drops off the package, he drops her off. Gets his money right and then leaves. There’s a reason he comes back as a because they blow up his car. Is that what happens.
Greg: It is so he gets her there. And then they say since you’re a transporter would you want to transport something else. And they give him a briefcase that has a bomb in it and he doesn’t realize. Right. So he stops at a rest stop and he’s getting no other sandwich or something. Rest ups there, by the way, look like gas stations from the 50s here.
Joe:
Greg: And then he goes back there to beat them up. And then she sneaks into his car. We don’t really know why she was being delivered there or what was going on there.
Joe: I don’t know. Yeah.
Greg: And thank goodness this movie is 87 minutes. And it’s a glorious it feels like an hour 45 to be honest. Yeah. So we never find that out. And you know what? God bless his movie for never telling us what was going on. Yeah, but we have to time out for a second.
Joe: Okay?
Greg: He gets to the house and we meet the bad guy of this movie. And the bad guy of this movie also gave my favorite performance in fast Five. We’re talking about Matt Schultz right now. He’s been in blade one. He’s been in blade two. He’s been in The Fast and the furious. He’s been in a few other things.
Joe: But he fasts.
Greg: For 16 days and loses 40 pounds so that he can fit into the suit for this movie. And he also like tans a little bit and cuts his hair so that he can look exactly like the singer from Matchbox 20, Rob Diaz. Would that ever have been your goal in your life? Have you ever thought Rob Thomas?
Joe: I mean, I may have to change the album, this movie to match Matchbox 20.
Greg: Yeah, I mean, we should say it is 3 a.m. right now, so there’s a whole all kinds of tie in going on right now.
Joe: Yeah, I missed that. And then soon as you said Matchbox 20, I know Rob.
Greg: Thomas is the bad guy in this movie. Why does the bad guy look exactly like Rob Thomas in this movie? It brought this movie up like 80 points in my mind.
Joe: It’s so true. Another drinking game of mine or I can’t remember what it is. But anyway, there’s like his hair is so bad. Yep. And then there’s another bad guy in this. His hair is so bad. The father of the. Oh, yes.
Greg: 100%.
Joe: That I had. Like, do they get wigs? Did they really cut their hair like that? Like I spent the last half of this movie. Yeah. Looking at them every time they’re on screen. I didn’t hear anything that they said because I think, did they really put that hairstyle on these people?
Greg: Yeah. Is this a wig? Is this all reshoots? Are they already not moved on to the next movie? And they came.
Joe: Back. Yeah. Is it actually Rob Thomas for a matchbox?
Greg: Dwayne I think it might have been. I think it might have been. Matt Schultz is not as good as he was in Fast five in this movie. He’s not bad.
Joe: No. How bad? Well.
Greg: Hold on, is he good in this movie?
Joe: Yeah. I mean, he plays his part. Well, yeah. We’re supposed to despise him. Yeah, he stuck the landing.
Greg: Yeah. Slightly creepy. He does everything in kind of a weird way. If when somebody is handing him something, he like.
Joe: Puts.
Greg: His back to them and puts his hand over his shoulder, that’s how he accepts everything. It’s like, oh, wow. They thought that went through in between things.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Let’s hear Rob Thomas meeting Jason Statham for the first time in this movie.
Joe: Perfect.
Clip: You open the package. All three never open the package. Oh, I like their roles. You can’t get anything done in a world without rules to foreign. All right. I didn’t get your name. All to no names, of course.
Greg: Basically they say blah, blah, blah. And then the bad guy says this about Jason Statham.
Joe: I like him.
Greg: That’s what makes it a great bad movie right there.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: There’s always some sort of thing about the good guy in a movie where it’s like, I used to like you. I thought I was going to like you or something like that.
Joe: When we should add that as a trope.
Greg: For this era, for sure.
Joe: Because it is definitely like bad guys giving compliments to the good guys.
Greg: Game, recognizing game. Yeah, that was in Die Hard two, 12 years before this.
Joe:
Greg: So let’s talk about that explosion. That is the first moment of this movie. Well, no, the car chase at the beginning was good. But I’m not in yet I’ll be honest. Yeah I’m not in yet. The scene where the girl tries to escape and he says good girl, I’m out now. I’m not here. Yeah.
Joe: Well what’s.
Greg: This. This movie’s dumb. Then we get to the moment where he is, I don’t know, eating a sandwich the way you do when you transport.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: And then they show Jason Statham walked by the camera, and then a whole car explodes and he is thrown backwards onto a car. I don’t know if it was actually him that hit the car, but he does get pulled back with one of those like pull back rigs. Yeah, it’s like that speed relief. John Damon put your star and the special effect in the same shot.
Joe:
Greg: So there’s that scene in speed where Keanu Reeves walks by the camera and then the bus blows up. Yeah. Amazing.
Joe: And I will say that I know what’s coming. It is very clear that the explosion is coming in this shot. If he was walking to his car he would just walk directly to his car. But he walks past the car, then directly in front of the other car, so that when the explosion happened, they can land on the window 100%.
Greg: He does very obviously positioned himself to be thrown back into the.
Joe: Car, and it’s very clearly like there’s probably some tape on the ground of your mark. Yeah, but it’s if you know what’s coming, it is the most awkward walk to your car possible.
Greg: But it was the first time where I was like, hold up. That was pretty great.
Joe: And then we get our first kung fu battle because he comes back to the house after that, and.
Greg: That is the, I guess, in my account the third time that I go, hold up this movie, there’s something special about this movie because he knocks on the door somewhat bad guy walks in the door and looks through the peephole, and then we see through the people, Jason Statham running towards the door and kicking the door in to knock the guy down.
Greg: That’s the third time I was like, okay, I think I’m in. This movie is doing things a little bit differently than we’ve seen before, and I love this. And then it was like a great Hong Kong kung fu fight.
Joe: I agree that that’s the moment where I was in, this movie where I’m like, okay. Yep. I was not expecting this. Yeah, right. I didn’t know Jason Statham could knew kung fu, run.
Greg: Out the door so fast and then like that.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: I can run towards the door like that.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: He’s doing like, splits. He’s doing like Van Damme kind of stuff. With his legs.
Joe: It’s pretty awesome. Let me just tell you.
Greg: Yeah it is straight up Hong Kong action.
Joe: Yeah. Clearly people on wires. Yeah. Flying backwards throughout this movie. It is it is one of the better westernized version of of Hong Kong movies. I don’t know a lot. I watched some of Jackie Chan’s early stuff and, Jet Li. Yeah. So I wouldn’t say that I’m an expert on this. We might.
Greg: Need not me.
Joe: Either, but it for this kind of movie. It was unexpected.
Greg: Both of them just called me and said, oh, sure, when the white guy does it.
Joe: Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Greg: But he is surprisingly fast in this movie. He’s doing a good job. You know, I think the bar was dramatically raised by the The Matrix, which, by the way, it’s kind of slow now you when you watch it. I bet this was much faster than The matrix in real life. But yeah, this is the kind of movie where in a hallway like this, suddenly three dudes have axes, I think.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Oh, it’s the act scene. That makes sense.
Joe: Yeah. Or they just have, like, metal pipes, right? Right.
Greg: Right from the bus.
Joe: Yeah. And they’re like, kind of like slamming them into their hand, like. Yeah.
Greg: You know, when you’re on a bus and there’s just pipes everywhere.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Obviously that’s the kind of logic that’s it’s like Hobbs and Shaw travel logic for items around.
Joe: Yeah, exactly. And then like, we got a pause for a fact. Yes. There’s lots of that. That happens when there’s multiple people around where they like, freeze and like they got to look at each other. Right? Yeah. Get a sense of the surroundings. It’s awesome.
Greg: Totally. Oh, I meant to mention that when that car does explode, they cut to him hitting the windshield, like kind of flying back. That’s probably a stunt, dude. And then they cut back to the car exploding and nothing else around. The car is flying up in the.
Joe: Air.
Greg: Except for this deck furniture that’s next to the car.
Joe: That.
Greg: Pops up so straight and like eight feet in the air, it’s inexplicably high. The ground is dry. It is not inexplicably wet, but the furniture in this movie pops up, brings up so high it maybe crack up so hard. Yeah. So anyways, then he goes to this house and do you know what the bad guy’s name is?
Joe: I have no idea what his name is.
Greg: And you’ve seen this movie how many times? 30 times?
Joe: Yeah, 30 times.
Greg: His name is Wall Street. His name is Wall Street.
Joe: Okay. Attracts.
Greg: I don’t think they ever say it.
Joe: Nope.
Greg: Oh, my gosh, that made me laugh so hard. So the woman that he dropped.
Joe: Off.
Greg: The first package that needed some water from a straw, she gets into a car that’s in the garage.
Joe: Yeah, he.
Greg: Steals a car and she is in the stolen car.
Joe: They kick her out, right? Yeah. But then comes back and saves her car, right.
Greg: And she starts going through his house after he’s fallen asleep. He says how much trouble? In my end. She says, big trouble. That’s the most selling of a bad guy that we get in the movie. Then he goes to bed because he can’t think straight. He needs to sleep, and she starts scavenging around the house so that we can sell the good guy.
Greg: And she goes so far out of her way to get into a box that’s like on top of an armoire that she can’t give him. And in that box is all of the pictures from his past, so we can see why he is. He was like, in the military, there is a picture of him in the side of a like a bomber that I think was probably the inspiration for his character in The Expendables two.
Greg: I always sat in the passenger seat up front with Sylvester Stallone. So there’s a chance that he’s, you know, this is the prequel to The Expendables.
Joe: All right. Oh wow. It.
Greg: There’s a picture of him as like a little boy and she goes to bed. And this is how Captain Obvious this movie is. She falls asleep smiling like I’ve met one of the good ones.
Joe: Yeah. And then she’s already woken up and it’s made him a five course breakfast.
Greg: Right. Madeleines. She’s made those special French cookies.
Joe: Yeah. One of my biggest annoyances in this movie is she takes the madeleines out of the oven. Takes a couple out and then puts it back in the oven. If you’re a baker of any note you would not put it back in the oven where it’s going to cook more. You’d put it on the counter and take them all out.
Joe: And so anyway that was my big continuer de flaw in this movie. Right.
Greg: But if you’re in a great bad movie, you do need to put it back there for the next 18 takes.
Joe: That’s right. Fair.
Greg: By the way, she’s been in a lot of movies, including like award winning movies. She was in a movie like that at Cannes this year. She was kind of coming out of like seedy movies from from Hong Kong. And after this movie kind of became like a well known, respected actress in Hong Kong. And then there’s a knock on the door and it is the, constant opal.
Joe: Yeah, but Constantinople or the Istanbul or the with. No, I have no idea what the word actually is. The constable, the constable?
Greg: Yeah. He stops by and sits down with them and basically says, like, I can tell you guys are lying. Come to my office after lunch and, give me a better story. And so they go to his office and secretly log into his computer. And do you remember what the file system was that they logged into to look for bad guys?
Joe: No, but I did. I did note a trope of kind of downloading a file under pressure for this one.
Greg: But 100%. It’s not Interpol, it’s data. Pohl. Oh, but they log into.
Joe: I will say, for the drinking game thing at home. I did put Interpol in there for that reason. Okay, I forgotten it. Data pull.
Greg: But data file a made up thing.
Joe: Yeah, I think.
Greg: It’s extra points if they make up a fake Interpol.
Joe: Yeah, exactly.
Greg: She scrolls through all of the bad guys on the planet in data pool and lands on. Yeah, Rob Thomas, like in three seconds.
Joe: Yeah. As he stepped out of there, out of there for just a minute and comes back in and.
Greg: Right. They made out. We think that they might have consummated their relationship before they go back to the to the data bowl office. It feels like something from 1982. It feels so outdated in this movie.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: But then, we find out after they leave the police officer’s office that her family is on a container ship with 400, and there’s 400 people on a container ship, and we realize, oh, my gosh, this is a human trafficking story. Much like taken. Really?
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Luc Besson, he’s got one of these.
Joe: Yeah. Now that I think about it, all of his movies probably would.
Greg: Probably could be described that.
Joe: Yeah, yeah. From there they go home. Then the bad guys have found him where he lives, and they shoot it up and then shoot. They blow up the house? Yeah, with a rocket launcher.
Greg: Rocket launcher? Nowhere.
Joe: Yeah, there’s. I almost had that as a drinking game. Yeah. To basically be, like, finish whatever you’re drinking. Yeah I didn’t, but you’re welcome everyone. And then they kind of get into somebody else’s house. I’m not sure whose house they go into.
Greg: They jumped down into the water and suddenly we’re in Thunderball. We’re in like a James Bond movie.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: They travel underwater. He has, like, air tanks down there. So we can, like, travel underwater and escape. But can can we rewind just for a second?
Joe: Absolutely.
Greg: They’re in the kitchen talking. He’s saying something like, I can’t decide if I want to know you better, or if I want to know nothing about you and I want you to leave. They’re having, like, a meet cute in a way. And then this happens.
Clip: And I’m still wondering if I want to know everything or nothing about. What was the quiet I thought you like? Quiet and not this quiet.
Greg: Joe, it’s so quiet that there must be a rocket launcher about. You can hear it in the air.
Joe: Yeah, and then they.
Greg: Just kind of start blowing up his house, like top layer, then middle layer, then, you know, lower level. They just keep blowing up different levels of his house.
Joe: That’s like, commando level of awareness.
Greg: Situational awareness 100%. It is a virtue signal to me.
Joe: That you’re watching the greatest movie there’s ever been. Absolutely.
Greg: Time to cancel my plans.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Time to call in sick. It was a little bit too quiet. And then. And then a rocket launcher showed up.
Joe: Yeah. I don’t know if you’ve seen the, Please do not destroy the hate. Cute with, Charlie X.
Greg: No, I haven’t.
Joe: Oh, my God, it is hilarious because they take like, the premise of, like, you know, people bumping into each other and then, like, you know, their hands touch and you think, oh, you know where this is going? And then it’s basically then she goes, yeah, if you could just look where you’re going more often, and then it’s just like, then they just like, say the worst things to each other.
Joe: Love it. Hilarious. Okay, okay. So hate cute. If you haven’t seen it. It’s it’s the meet cute that you didn’t know you needed a listener.
Greg: You can go to great bad movies. I will put that sketch on the page for this episode. While you’re there, you can reach out to us. Let us know what movie you think we should cover. Maybe check out some other episodes we’ve done. I have in my notes that Nate Dogg is in a song on this in this movie, and Missy Elliott shows this movie kind of has an amazing soundtrack for 2002.
Joe: This was kind of like in the heyday of the soundtrack for movies. Yeah, yeah, where that was like a whole other line of business where even if the songs weren’t even in the movie, or they were just in there for like 30s or less. Then you’d have like the soundtrack. That was amazing.
Greg: There’s more fighting.
Joe:
Greg: We should just say that. And there are so many scenes in this movie where during the fights people get kicked or punched or hit in the junk.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: That is the thing that.
Joe: Happens over.
Greg: And over in this movie. That must be a thing from that era of Hong Kong cinema.
Joe: I try to remember. So basically what happens is they escape. Yeah. And they go to the offices of Wall Street. Oh, I didn’t know his name.
Greg: Rob Thomas.
Joe: And they’re captured by Rob Thomas. And we find out that her family isn’t on the ship, that her father is actually the one bringing the people here. And he’s the bad guy. He’s the big bad. Yeah, yeah. Of this. Then they do one of my favorite things in a great bad movie. They have captured the the good guy.
Joe: He cannot escape.
Joe: And they have to contrive a reason for him to not be killed instantaneously. Yeah. They’re. Yeah. He happens to be rescued by the constable who is coming, who has reopened his computer and seen this person. You assume they put the pieces together, right? Boy, does he show up just in the nick of time.
Greg: Absolutely.
Joe: And so they knock out Jason Statham. He is put in jail, and you just where do we go from here? Yeah.
Greg: I mean, that must be the end of the movie. He’s going to be in jail. Yeah, they’re going to press charges. That’s it. The law is the law, Joe.
Joe: Yeah. And then you have this awesome scene between them and you assume that the constable knows. Yeah. From the beginning that. Yeah, Frank is not a good guy, but also he’s probably doing it for good reasons. And whatever. Yeah. And so they have a conversation where he’s basically like, well, if you could get out, how how long could you how long would it take you to resolve everything.
Joe: And it’s like less than 12 hours. So the constable helps him escape by being held held hostage or quote from being held hostage. Right. And they escape and that basically sets up the last but 40 minutes of this movie, which are just one basically long action scene.
Greg: Totally. Yeah.
Joe: Which is speaking my language. Absolutely.
Greg: The whole like the law is the law, and it’s going to take me 12 months to wrap up this case. And he says I could do it in 12 hours. And he’s like, but you know, the law is the law. You’re stuck in here. And then he just kind of like walks out with the door open and lets him walk out.
Joe: Yeah. The best.
Greg: Yeah. Oh my gosh. Another moment. Or he’s like oh my goodness. Yeah.
Joe: Oh this is my movie.
Greg: I didn’t need another one. You’re giving me another one.
Joe: Yeah yeah. You’re giving me all the moments I didn’t know I needed. Yeah. Thank you.
Greg: Gives him a vote. He lets him, you know, right off in the boat at Magic hour.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Actually, no, I don’t think it is magic hour when he leaves. But then we cut to him on the water in the boat at magic hour, the sun is setting, and that’s when he decides to take off his shirt. Right as he’s passing the camera to change his shirt.
Joe: Yeah, I will say that there are some definitely shots for the male gaze and this and shots for the female gaze as well of Jason Statham. Yeah, without a shirt on, doused in oil. Whatever you need, they lean into it.
Greg: So that would be so funny if that was like a specific need of one woman in the crowd. Yeah. Like finally, the opening scene. Then we get to a container yard and we’re just basically ready to finish up the movie with incredibly long fight scenes.
Joe:
Greg: And like, what is it is like an airplane hangar. Is it a what’s what’s happening. There’s big barrels of oil everywhere.
Joe: Yeah. I assumed that they had just fired the person who was responsible for putting the oil away properly.
Greg: That person has definitely been let go.
Joe: Yeah. Like the scene before this that they cut was like, you know, the oil guy being fired, and it’s like, fine. Yeah. Forget it. I’m not covering the oil.
Greg: That has to be a deleted scene. And there’s a fantastic oil drenched scene where everybody’s sliding everywhere. They can’t grab onto him because he’s covered himself in oil. He breaks off some petals from a bike and puts the pedals on his feet. So now he can walk through the oil somehow.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: And that’s all we need. It’s based.
Joe: All you need to know.
Greg: It’s Jackie Chan. Turn up to 11.
Joe: With ropes and wires pulling people in all directions. Yeah, and it leads up. It builds up to that scene, but the scenery douses themself in oil because, you know, of course, all the bad guys have have dropped their guns and are just using pipes and.
Greg: Right.
Joe: Yeah, whatever they can find and their own unveils.
Greg: Oh, it’s like a bus. It’s a bus parking garage.
Joe: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That’s right. Needless to say great fight scene throughout the basically like a ten minute scene.
Greg: It’s so long. Yeah.
Joe: So long. And it’s worth every second. It’s one of those moments that I’ve had this and I’ve talked about this in other movies of like the end of Fast five where you just basically like turn your brain off. Yeah, I had that same moment even this time I was watching it like, well, you could never just break the pedals off of a bike that easily.
Joe: Like, that is what I’m getting stuck on at this moment. Just, just let go and enjoy the fact that this is where they went with this movie. Yeah, and I love that they’re shooting at him, but he is being pulled back by the oil so fast. Yeah, that they can’t hit him for.
Greg: Dead shots of him in the oil.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Nobody can move fast with a gun.
Joe: Exactly. Then he’s thrown out the way or he jumps out the window. They shoot a guy. So I’m wondering if this also should be a trope of using a henchman as a shield for bullets.
Greg: Yeah, absolutely. Yes.
Joe: And he goes, they did they do something in this movie I’ve never seen before or since. Go on. So he falls into the water with the henchman who’s been shot. Yeah. He’s been shielded by the bullets. And they shoot down and he’s still hiding behind the bad guy. Yeah. Then they drop another barrel of oil or stay with me listener.
Joe: It’s worth the payoff.
Greg: How are they going to light that on fire.
Joe: Yeah. They just shoot it. They shoot it and it just explodes. And then he’s out of air. So he sucks the air out of the henchman one. Yeah. And swims away to safety.
Greg: Totally. Totally. That’s that’s like a spy novel thing to do. Yeah. It’s not a spy movie thing to do.
Joe: That is a chef’s kiss of a moment I’ve never seen before. Since. Yeah, if we get to Waterworld, there’s a scene similar to that. But it is not that. It is where Kevin Costner’s character’s underwater and he can breathe anyway. But we’ll get to Waterworld for sure.
Greg: I think I need to ask it for an apology. When you said, if we get to Waterworld.
Joe: All right, all right.
Greg: That’s offensive to me and every listener of this podcast.
Joe: Yeah. Yes. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I did that.
Greg: So we get the, underwater moment where the top of the water has the flames.
Joe:
Greg: Incredible.
Joe: Yeah. So basically what happens. So he goes back into the bus depot right. Gets his shirt as he is. Obviously he’s a completely clean. Yes. Of the oil.
Greg: Right. Oh from the water. Yep.
Joe: From the water.
Greg: Amazing.
Joe: Gets the keys that the henchman has. And then is driving after the shipping container with the people in it.
Greg: Yes. Okay okay.
Joe: And then the car breaks down because he’s driving it too fast and it’s basically overheat. Yeah. And he sees a plane and then Hobbs and shot logic is able to run as fast as a plane and then catch up to the plane.
Greg: He is able to run after a plane. The way Sylvester Stallone is able to climb faster than anybody else.
Joe: Right. And then the helicopter. Yeah, he.
Greg: Beats the helicopter. Statham can run after a plane.
Joe: Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about it. He does look like he’s running fast. I will give him that. But when I see it happen. I watched it this afternoon. It’s like, are you kidding me? Anything?
Greg: It’s incredible. Yeah.
Joe: Then, like, the plane buzzes the, trucks.
Greg: Right on the freeway.
Joe: They instantly know that it’s him in the trucks, obviously. Yeah, he jumped out of a parachute and lands on the top of the truck.
Greg: This moment is so Pierce Brosnan. This is so like that era of James Bond. What they’re doing here? Yeah, it’s so obvious that he’s not really jumping. He is not Tom cruise. It’s not the final reckoning.
Joe: No.
Greg: He is in front of a green screen and it is so obviously not him. But you know somebody did somehow get down there. There are some shots that look pretty real of a person kind of doing something like this, like real stunt people did this. By the way, there are so many moments in this movie where you can tell it’s the stunt person and not the actor.
Joe: I love it so much. Yeah, I have it in my notes. James Bond feels throughout this movie some of the stunts.
Greg: Totally, totally you.
Joe: Know. Yeah. And it’s definitely Pierce Brosnan era James Bond. It is not the new. We haven’t gotten to Daniel Craig at all.
Greg: Although Daniel Craig the the getting the air from the guy underwater. That is something Daniel Craig James Bond would have done.
Joe: I agree with that.
Greg: I wonder if they were a little bit inspired.
Joe: Maybe they were ahead of their time. Yeah.
Greg: Yeah, totally. So he parachutes onto the car, takes off the parachute. The parachute blows back and attaches itself to one of the bad guy cars. And this guy. Well, let me ask you a question, Joe.
Joe: Yes?
Greg: Can we have the conversation that needs Debbie had about parachutes on the car you’re driving?
Joe: Of course. Who else are you going to talk to?
Greg: I’m not going to say. If I’m going to say when this happens to you in your life.
Joe: What’s.
Greg: The first thing you do?
Joe: I think the first thing I do is I put the wipers on to see if I can get it out of the way.
Greg: Okay, okay. Let’s run.
Joe: I may roll the window down and try to pull it off.
Greg: That’s a good call.
Joe: Or like this driver I may drive and swerve into the other car and explode instantaneously when he.
Greg: Starts swerving so much and it starts ruining traffic everywhere to the point where he like screeches to a stop. And then another car crashes into the driver’s side part of this car. And like no other two cars on the planet, they immediately blow up. It’s almost like that patio furniture in the first explosion in the movie. They immediately explode when they touch.
Greg: It’s incredible.
Joe: Yeah. It’s awesome. I feel like that’s that could be a trope of our movies, of car crashes that have exceedingly large amount of explosives attached to them for no good reason. Although I’m in, I was like, oh, real explosion in a movie car crash. I’m in. So.
Greg: So then he gets up to the front cab of this.
Joe: Truck.
Greg: And he is able to, like, swing his body in a way so.
Joe: That he.
Greg: Uses both feet to smash through the driver’s side window.
Joe:
Greg: And he kicks this guy so hard whose driving and buckled I assume.
Joe: Not anymore.
Greg: He flies all the way across the cab out the door of the passenger side. The passenger side door cannot even handle how hard this kick was. So the seatbelt is torn apart from this kick.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: He flies across and now he is holding on to the open door of this truck as it barrels down the road and Jason Statham starts driving it. So many.
Joe: Leaps there. So the more you talk about this movie, the better it gets.
Greg: Did they make a transporter, too? Because we should watch it immediately.
Joe: Yeah. Jason, what are we doing with our lives and back?
Greg: So this turns into just an incredible Hong Kong action scene as well, where there’s so many leaps, but you’re just like, you know, a guy flying out, grabbing onto that door. And that door eventually does break off, and he flies for quite a while down the freeway as if he’s being dragged.
Joe: Yes. And then jumps over the embankment. Right. So yeah, absolutely. That fight scene is where I was just like, all right, I accept everything that’s happening right now. Totally, totally. There’s so much like there’s a scene where in that scene they do this a lot. In this movie, I’ve noticed where the, the side view mirror breaks and then he takes a shard of it.
Joe: Yeah. So that he can see out because he’s now driving the truck off. Yes. Obviously he knows how to drive this truck. Yeah. So he’s driving the drive, and he’s using a shard of the mirror to see where the bad guys are. And then he looks in it, and then there’s someone right behind him about to shoot him.
Joe: Yeah, yeah, that he, of course, ducks out of the way, stabs with the shard of glass, and then Mike kicks out the door or something like that. Totally. That’s totally so perfect. Those are the moments of death. Suspend your disbelief and lean into what the second unit director is doing where they’re right. Yeah, well, I’ve always wanted to do this.
Joe: That’s kind of what it felt like on some of those things.
Greg: Totally, totally.
Joe: So they end up having to get back into the cab a couple different times. Yeah, yeah. And so he comes through the side window and through the front window with the world’s most powerful kick. Yeah.
Greg: The bad guys drive up alongside him. And this is when I kind of clocked that in this movie, when bad guys are shooting their guns, the guns shoot something that looks exactly like the Blasters and Star Wars.
Joe:
Greg: Like these guys are like former stormtroopers. Yeah. And when they shoot, there’s like.
Joe: Pupu.
Greg: That kind of like laser almost. Yeah. Bullet. They’re shooting laser bullets the whole time.
Joe: There’s a scene where he’s also under the truck. Like climbing along it And he’s being shot at of course. Yeah. And he somehow gets loose a a wrench.
Greg: A tire iron.
Joe: Tire iron. Yeah. Which he then throws while hanging underneath maybe a semi and perfectly hits the driver of the car. Yeah, yeah. So good.
Greg: I would also like to say that at this moment in this movie, and we’re like an hour or 15 in this movie.
Joe: Yeah. About that.
Greg: There are zero.
Joe: Cops anywhere ever. Yeah.
Greg: There are so many times in this movie where, like, cops would be everywhere within seconds. No, not right now. Not in this movie.
Joe: Yeah. Amazing. Oh, awesome. Basically, from there, he he kills all street guy.
Greg: Yeah, I think he dies. And Jason Statham drives that container truck.
Joe: To.
Greg: The edge of a lake. That’s like the most beautiful lake where no truck has ever driven. Ever.
Joe: Yeah. And they just, like, instantly captured by the father of the love interest.
Greg: Yes, yes. Who then walks him into the woods.
Joe:
Greg: Tells him how stupid he is. Yeah. And then his daughter kills him.
Joe: Which we have one of our tropes again. Spoiler alert for tropes of the good guys about to be shot. And then the bad guy is shot. But you know right. And that’s basically how the movie ends. Although the the concept all shows up right at the end.
Greg: Right. Cop show up.
Joe: Yeah. That’s amazing. They’ve been even hot on the heels.
Greg: With emergency vehicles. We’re gonna need like, seven ambulances.
Joe: And then they let the people out of the truck. People who are being human trafficked, right? Basically. Credit roll. It’s a predator movie.
Greg: It’s. Yeah. And the camera kind of goes up and we see all the emergency vehicles, just like Die Hard. Also like Die Hard, though, Jason Statham walks up to her name is lie in the movie, walks up to her, and she’s still pointing the gun after she shot her dad. And he kind of like, takes the gun from her.
Greg: One of my favorite moments in movies, when somebody walks up to somebody who’s pointing a gun at them and like, slowly, either like moves it out of the way or grabs it from them. Yeah, very tense moment for me every time. Are they gonna accidentally shoot him? What’s going to happen here?
Joe: Yeah. Safety is not off.
Greg: So, no no no no no. And then we did it.
Joe: The perfect hour and a half movie.
Greg: Perfect. It’s 87 minutes. Honestly, feels like 20 minutes longer. There’s so much that happens in this movie.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: And I’m so glad they cut it out. Whatever it was. Except for that guy getting fired. I think they should put that back in.
Joe: That’s a solid no they’ve.
Greg: Got to get for Dave. The oil guy has to get fired right before that.
Joe: We’ll find who’s gonna cover the oil when I’m gone. Am.
Greg: So we talked about the second unit director, but really, this movie was filmed by two different people. Louis Leterrier, who had kind of made some stuff with, Luc Besson. This is the first movie he’s worked on. He’s a he is given like some sort of, like, art director or some, some credit like that. And then the actual director of the movie is Kore UN.
Greg: And then in the sequel, Corey UN is the fight coordinator and Louis Leterrier is the director. But the way it’s understood is one of them handled the fight scenes, and one of them handled the story right. And Louis Leterrier, I mean, like he made Fast Ex. Can we go over a couple of his movies real quick? Do you have a second to go over?
Greg: Can we have the conversation that need to be had about Louis Le Terry?
Joe: Yes, absolutely. This is what this podcast is about.
Greg: Tell me what you think of these movies. He makes this movie. And then he banks unleashed, which was a movie with Jet Li. Did you ever see unleashed?
Joe: I don’t know that I did, but I’m not 100% sure that.
Greg: But it’s kind of highly regarded. Its Wikipedia pages mostly about its soundtrack. Speaking of movies with soundtracks, unleashed, I think is known for its soundtrack. Then he makes transporter two and then he makes The Incredible Hulk, the first Hulk movie in the MCU, and then he makes clash of the Titans. Did you see clash of the Titans?
Joe: I have seen over time.
Greg: That’s a movie that is not well regarded, but it did make it was a very successful movie. It made a lot of money, but it was with Sam Worthington from avatar and Liam Neeson and Ray Fine’s. That is an incredible cast. Gemma Arterton Mads Mikkelsen is in this movie. Luke Evans is in this movie. Oh my gosh. I don’t know if I ever want to watch this movie, but I think we should probably watch.
Joe: I think it’s you. I think we should watch this. I’ve I’ve seen both of them. There are two movies within this. There’s clash of the Titans and either revenge of the Titans or I don’t. I don’t know what.
Greg: The second one. That’s what it should have been called. Whatever it was called, it should have been called revenge of the Titans.
Joe: But what I do remember about it. And I appreciated this. Was that the magical creatures that they’re fighting feel real. Oh okay. And in a way that I hadn’t seen, done like just the CGI effects of them.
Greg: Like a BMW in the beginning of this movie.
Joe: Exactly.
Greg: Okay.
Joe: Okay. So it’s definitely one of our movies okay. Like 100%.
Greg: 100%. Okay. So we’ll get to clash of the Titans have you seen Now You See Me from 2013. He directed that movie.
Joe: I haven’t but I started that movie and I just I was too tired.
Greg: Or too tired. It’s a great movie. We should definitely watch it okay. Yeah. He did the Brothers Grimsby, which, people didn’t like. And then he did Fast ex. There’s other stuff in there, but you don’t need to go through all of it. And now he’s making. Did you know that the next Fast and Furious movie is titled fast X, part two?
Joe: Why? No, why? Okay. I don’t even know. What does that film in this series. It’s not by the it’s the 10th part through.
Greg: It’s not even the 11th. I mean, if you count Hobbs and Shaw and we for sure count Hobbs and Shaw, obviously.
Joe: That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And it’s perfect. And everybody.
Greg: Amazing.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: So anyways, Louis Leterrier, nice work out there. You’re doing some good work and we will be talking about your work. Once again. Let’s pretend that you are walking down the aisles of Blockbuster Video in 2002, and you’re looking for the DVD you want to watch with your roommate that night. You’re picking up boxes, you’re reading the back, you’re trying to decide what kind of night is it.
Greg: That’s right. It’s time for the back of the box.
Joe: It’s the back of the box, Frank. Jason Statham has rules that have served him well. He is the best at what he does. Getting things from point A to point B when he starts breaking his own rules, he ends up in the middle of a human trafficking operation. Can he fight his way out, or is he into deep?
Joe: This movie has it all. As we navigate from the countryside to the city streets of France, the transporter always delivers, and this movie is no exception.
Greg: Amazing. That could have been taken actually from the DVD. I want to say which you could sneak in sometime if you want.
Joe: Yeah, actually.
Greg: Make the box do it.
Joe: If I’m in that deep, I will. Totally. I’ll give you the Netflix synopsis and I’ll give you mine. And then obviously my real one.
Greg: I assume whenever you’re working on this show, you’re in 2D.
Joe: Yeah, probably. Okay. Okay. Absolutely.
Greg: All right, Joe, that was a perfect marketing back in the box. But you know what? We live in the real world. It’s 2025, and so it’s time to get a little bit honest. Can we hear Joe’s real back in the box?
Joe: Absolutely. This is the movie that made Jason Statham an action star. If you are like me, and I can bet you are, if you’re listening to this, then that statement fills you with joy. He is one of our most reliable, great bad actors, acting, and some of our most revered great bad movies of the last 25 years. So any time we get to visit an origin story, we are the better for it.
Joe: This movie mostly, mostly voice getting higher and higher as I pull ranks right here. Mostly does it. The action scenes can feel a little dated, and the fact that the bad guys are are down for a kung fu fight when they have guns is mostly mostly excuse. So put an asterisk by this one and enjoy the good parts and try to forget the bad.
Greg: Amazing! It is such a great bad movie. It is just perfect for us.
Joe: Yes.
Greg: And in fact, right when they’re asking you to take them seriously, I want to play the music from that fight that happens inside the house. This is what the action music in this movie sounds like.
Clip: Go to the back room. Go.
Greg: I don’t know what’s happening, but I’m on board with that.
Joe: Yeah, and I will say the, the punches or whatever is happening is in time to the music.
Greg: Oh, interesting. I never picked that out.
Joe: I just got it now as listening to it.
Greg: That’s awesome. Speaking of sound effects, in this movie, when nothing is happening on the screen like a car slowly turning a corner, listen to how they add a tire screech to it.
Joe: We all turn the corner. It’s like that, right?
Greg: It’s like what the street sound like inside parking garages when you’re going like three miles an hour.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: So this is a real country road. It’s so perfect. All right, Joe, should we move on to the box office? And, what the critical reception was for the transporter?
Joe: Absolutely. Let’s do it.
Greg: This movie cost $21 million to make.
Joe: Oh, my God, it was so cheap. Even back in 2021, when this is being made, that is nothing for a movie.
Greg: There should be ten of these made a year. There probably are ten. He’s made a year. Yeah, there should be ten movies this good. Made a year for $21 million in America, had made $25 million internationally and made 18 millions and that like a huge hit. Yeah, but it made $43 million worldwide. And this is in 2002. So I bet the DVD sales for this movie and cable.
Greg: Are you kidding me? Probably did really well.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Joe, Rotten Tomatoes has a few things that they want to talk about with us on this movie.
Joe: What do.
Greg: You think the critic rating was for The Transporter in 2000.
Joe: And two? I mean, again, feels like a 70, so it feels like our kind of movie. Yeah, it does, doesn’t it? But this is like a 46 to me for critics score really close.
Greg: Yeah. It is lower than our usual lately.
Joe: 50.
Greg: 4%.
Joe: Okay.
Greg: But what do you think the the popcorn meter is. What do you think the audience score is for this movie?
Joe: Oh, I feel like audience loved this movie. This is like an 8073. Okay. All right. I was I was off on both sides of it by about the same.
Greg: It’s a tough one.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Great action buddy says good girl. I don’t know what numbers to predict in that kind of movie. Let’s talk about what some of the critics said about this movie. The Seattle Times said there’s some outrageously creative action in The Transporter, but by the time Frank parachutes down onto a moving truck, it’s just another cartoon with an unstoppable Superman fare.
Joe: But he says.
Greg: That like it’s a negative thing.
Joe: That they missed the. Obviously they had the scene where they fire the oil man. What about them? They’ve. Yeah.
Greg: I feel like that’s not a vote against this movie. That’s not it. That’s not a bug. That’s a feature.
Joe: Nope.
Greg: Empire magazine said Statham impresses in a movie that is simultaneously the best the fight scenes and worse, everything else. Action movie of the year destined for drunken Friday night rental heaven.
Joe: Nailed it.
Greg: That would have been a great name for this movie. Yeah, drunken Friday night rental heaven.
Joe: Yeah. So we’re for this podcast.
Greg: Really this podcast, right? Yeah. Wesley Morris, when he was writing for the Boston Globe, said the best movie Steven Seagal never made a three and a half out of four stars.
Joe: Might be the best review ever.
Greg: San Francisco Chronicle said, routine and rather silly. Let’s finish with the Washington Post. The last 40 odd minutes are essentially one fight, pushed to the point of absurdity.
Joe: Yes, exactly. Thank you.
Greg: One more ticket, please.
Joe: Yes, you had me a 40 minute fight scene.
Greg: All right, Joe, should we get to some drinking games?
Joe: Absolutely. Let’s do it. Again, dear listeners, you don’t have to be drinking alcohol. Like us when we’re recording this, we could be drinking water. I do have a water bottle. Coffee, tea, juice, soda. We’re not. We’re not picky. No, we have our stop drinking game. So silent or low flying helicopter. We do not have a helicopter. We do have a low flying plane.
Joe: And so, I am giving you this one. This is, on our stock drinking games. I’m a little generous because I weren’t as. Okay prevalent as as usual. Push in and enhance. Not the classic one that we’re thinking of. I do have them when they’re finding the bad guy on the constable’s computer data pool? Yeah. Data pool.
Joe: That’s kind of a push in. In hands. Okay. I don’t have, slow motion look in the middle of chaos or explosion with silent suffering or ringing in the ears. The opening credits scene, it locks in place with. Oh, the sound disappears.
Greg: Oh, interesting.
Joe: So I was like, kind of get silent. So I’ll give you that one, okay? Okay. No flashback. There are some really bad CGI, especially on some of the stunts, like when he is parachuting and it is, as you said, very clearly, a green screen. So those are a couple momentary like, great bad shots are all over this movie everywhere.
Joe: Yeah, we have Interpol.
Greg: Wait, can I time you out there? You sure? Great. Bad shots are when, like, someone is pointing a machine gun straight at a person and they’re able to, like, outrun it and somehow not get shot.
Joe: Yeah. Yes. Or it shoots, like, just past their ear, but then doesn’t hit them, right? Right. No. Give us the room. We do not have inexplicably wet streets. But I do have an index like a Billy oily Jason Statham. Yes. So thanks to Dave not covering up the oil, take a drink. When Jason Statham is covered in oil, please.
Greg: Love it. Okay, I.
Joe: Don’t have a lot, but I’ll toss it to you. Greg swineherd, what is one of your drinking games?
Greg: Every time someone denotes how organized or precise Statham is.
Joe:
Greg: It’s like 5 or 6 times. They kind of denote how precise he is or like how clean he is or how everything’s by, you know, a certain way.
Joe: Awesome. I love that I should say that. There’s also a new drinking in that we added, which is when they smash a cell phone. We do not have that in this movie I have my first one is bad hairstyle on bad guys every time they’re on screen, take a drink.
Greg: But amazing. Yeah, like the henchmen.
Joe: Yeah, yeah.
Greg: And I mean Rob Thomas hair.
Joe: Yeah. And Rob Thomas hair. And the father of my. Yeah, the worst wig. I hope it’s a wig for these actors sake, quite frankly.
Greg: So I love it. Okay. Any time they obviously cut to a stunt person or a dummy and then cut back to the actor.
Joe: Yeah. Take a.
Greg: Drink.
Joe: Oh, my God, that’s everywhere. This. Anytime there is talk of rules or his rules in this movie, take a drink.
Greg: That’s solid. Yeah. Any time somebody turns off a stereo and it stops the music in the movie.
Joe: Oh, I love that.
Greg: Take a drink.
Joe: That almost could be a trope. Yeah, because that happens a lot. And like, it’s playing in the background, then it’s like the song on the radio and then he turns it off and. Any time he buys something for someone that is in his trunk, take a drink.
Greg: I love it. Any time someone in this movie says go ahead shoot me or something like that, like go ahead and do it. I’m right here.
Joe: I’m awesome. My last one and I only this is crazy. I don’t have a lot. Any time there’s kung fu out of nowhere. Take a drink. Okay.
Greg: In France, in France. Just another day in France. Really? Whenever someone gets hit or kicked in the junk.
Joe: Okay, take a drink.
Greg: And my last one. Any time a rocket hits Jason Statham’s house.
Joe: Take a drink. Finish your drink. That’s like a one time I had that one too, and I was like, I that might be pushing it, but I love there.
Greg: Three. I think there are three.
Joe: Are there? Okay.
Greg: I think they hit it with three different rockets.
Joe: Perfect.
Greg: And I’m pretty sure those rockets were CGI. Yeah, obviously. All right, Joe, is it time to get to Joe’s trope? Lightning round aka signs. You’re watching a great bad movie?
Joe: Absolutely. We have jumping in the water and the sound disappears. Once they hit the water for a second. We have this. Yeah, we have a person about to get shot. The good guy is about to get shot, and then the bad guy is shot, okay? And they you don’t quite know exactly what happens for a second. Yep, yep.
Joe: We have he’s the best at something kind of a reluctant hero. He doesn’t really want to get involved. We have the henchmen who are allowed to hurt the bad guy or the good guy and who’s, like, able to inflict any sort of damage. So, like, the biggest fight scene is between him and Wall Street at the end of the movie action movie trope.
Joe: No women except for love interest or the mother. Amazing recovery time. You know, downloading a file under pressure when they go into the constables office. And then we have the protagonist is captured but not killed right away and then saved by his own while. So those are our trope lightning round.
Greg: Amazing. All right, Joe, should we answer some very important questions about this movie?
Joe: Oh my God, I am dying to.
Greg: All right, Joe, the first question I have for you, did the transporter hold up in 2002?
Joe: So. Well, in 2002? Yeah.
Greg: Surprisingly well.
Joe: Surprisingly well.
Greg: Does it hold up in 2025?
Joe: Not surprisingly. Well, it doesn’t not hold up, but it doesn’t hold up as well, I would say. What what what’s your take on.
Greg: Yeah, I think it’s less so, but still notable. It’s still a notable movie in 2025. And it might be because Hong Kong action is still amazing every time. But also Statham.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: How hard do they sell the good guy in this movie?
Joe: As you said earlier in this episode, dear listener, if you’re paying attention, not very much at all, really. It’s really one scene in his house after he’s saved her. It’s not. It’s not a big deal. They don’t really sell him very much at all or sell him very much.
Greg: Everyone seems to know who he is. That’s kind of how they to do it, how hard they sell the bad guy.
Joe: Do they at all?
Greg: Not really. They just kind of say, you know, he says, how much deep s-word am I in? And she says, really deep word.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: That’s kind of how, you know, like you don’t even know who you’re up against, you know, that kind of thing, but not really. No.
Joe: All right. I can’t. Yeah.
Greg: Next important question. Why is there a romance in this movie?
Joe: There’s an annoying level of romance in this movie for me, and it doesn’t hold together. It is totally. We have a beautiful woman in this movie and word. We need to have a love scene, so we’ll throw it in there. It’s feels very.
Greg: It’s really stitched and.
Joe: Yeah, very stitched in.
Greg: Yeah, yeah. It’s needless. Are we bad people for loving this movie?
Joe: I can’t find a world that we’re not a bad person for loving this movie. Unfortunately.
Greg: All right. Let me ask you this then. Does it deserve a sequel?
Joe: Oh, yeah. So many sequels and we’ll throw in a TV show that they had. That was a short lived. What? Transporters? Yes. If you haven’t seen it now, the transporter series out there.
Greg: When was this show.
Joe: On? It’s probably within the last 7 to 10 years.
Greg: 2012 with Chris Vance. Oh, and the inspector returns to do his part. That’s incredible. Well, I would say this absolutely does deserve a sequel because you know what transporters got to transport.
Joe: And we get, I think at least two more transporters. I feel like we’re ready for the Jason Bourne of. Now we need the Frank the transporter.
Greg: Frank Martin.
Joe: Frank Martin. What a good name for a movie Joe.
Greg: Does this movie deserve a prequel. Oh you’re considering it. This is a rare moment for Jessica Tucker.
Joe: I will hold my answer until we get to how this movie can be fixed. Okay, man. Okay, that’ll be my. That’s my answer to this.
Greg: I think we could have a full series of his military times, Frank Martin’s military times. He and the police detectives seem to know each other pretty well.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: What if the events of this movie had happened, like, 20 times before and there their life is just this kind of events.
Joe: Over.
Greg: And over and over again. There could be like 20 prequels.
Joe: Yeah, I don’t know that I’d allow it, but sure, I’ll watch every single one of them.
Greg: You know, it’s just our job to ask. Yeah, it’s your job to answer. All right, Joe, very important question about the transporter. I don’t know if you can even handle what I’m about to ask. You should. The transporter had been nominated for best picture at the Oscars in 2003.
Joe: But what was what was up for? I mean, maybe.
Greg: I’d love that. That’s your follow up question. Okay, here’s what was nominated. The movie Chicago.
Joe: Okay.
Greg: Which also won Gangs of New York, The Hours, Lord of the rings, The Two Towers, and The Pianist. It was back when only five movies were nominated.
Joe: Sadly, no, I don’t think it should. Okay, okay. I really do think those are probably much better movies. Having seen most of those, they’re better. Sorry, sorry. Thanks, Martin.
Greg: Yeah, I agree with you there. But, you know, we have to ask questions here. You know, these are very important to get answers to. Nobody knew that until right now. Nobody knew the transcript. Porter should have the nomination for Best Picture.
Joe: That’s in three.
Greg: All right, Joe, how can this movie be fixed? AKA who should be in the remake? We have trouble answering these two questions separate, so we put them together.
Joe: Here’s my answer to the prequel question. Okay, this isn’t a prequel for The Transporter. This is a prequel for Hobbs and Shaw.
Greg: Yes, you.
Joe: Turn this into the Hobbs and Shaw, where he has to kill Idris Elba’s character or tries to from the Hobbs and Shaw first, right.
Greg: Because they knew each other.
Joe: Yeah. So this is that story. And so Frank Martin could be. Yeah.
Greg: Wait, didn’t they serve in the military together? He in.
Joe: Brixton? Yeah. Okay. So they serve in the military. It’s a prequel. So it’s a prequel to Hobbs and Shaw in the transporter world. So that is how you start. How how do you fix this movie? AKA who should be in The Rebel?
Greg: Nothing’s going to be better than Hobbs and Shaw prequel. Are you kidding me? Did you ever see the movie Thelma?
Joe: I don’t think so.
Greg: Came out last year. Is really good. She’s a 93 year old woman and she gets scammed on the phone, someone pretending to be her grandson, and she wires them some money or sends them some money. And then she realizes she was scammed and she goes after him.
Joe: Awesome.
Greg: It’s a really good movie. It’s a legitimately great movie. Well, I think we should remake this movie with the same cast, but The transporter is now a 93 year old woman named Thelma Adam.
Joe: Okay.
Greg: And she’s pretty upset if you get her car dirty or break her rules.
Joe: Okay. Perfect.
Greg: So you’re going Hobbs and Shaw prequel. I’m going Thelma. Sequel.
Joe: Okay.
Greg: All right. Joe, very important question. What album is this movie?
Joe: So I went in the same year that this movie came out. Yep. So did I. 2002. Yep. I had and I also hope we have the same album 908 times. So I have this as an artist who is, as Jason Statham is making the leap to action star. This is this person’s jump from being in a band to being a solo artist.
Joe: And so this is Justin Timberlake’s Justified.
Greg: Get out of here. That’s not my album but that’s incredible. That’s incredible. Yeah he is the JT of action movies.
Joe: All right.
Greg: And by the way how upset was James Taylor when JT was then given to Justin Timberlake.
Joe: Yeah. Oh yeah I think I.
Greg: Was sad about.
Joe: It. Yeah yeah.
Greg: Okay. Well that that’s really good. That’s really good. Mine was just general in general. This movie is just surprisingly good. And it takes some really big swings that are notable. And it is just suddenly out of nowhere influenced by Hong Kong cinema, which was unexpected. So when I saw this movie, I knew who Luc Besson was. I knew Jason Statham from the Guy Ritchie movies, so I probably would have seen it.
Greg: But this was something different than I expected, and it was great. All right. So when I looked at albums from 2002, which, by the way, 2002, there’s a murderer’s row of that great album. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s incredible. I’ll just say that a similar record to those things came out, albeit it’s a Japanese influence and not a Hong Kong influence, but it’s The Flaming Lips doing Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, which was a very different sound for them.
Greg: Yeah, an Asian influence out of nowhere. There actually is an artist named Yoshimi who worked with them on it, but they named it after. But it was incredible and surprising in so many ways that I did not expect from that band a band that I’d tracked with from the previous two albums. I didn’t listen to much. Their first one, they kind of had jars of Vaseline, whatever it was, right?
Greg: But the next two after that, clouds taste metallic and the soft bulletin I listened to nonstop. So that’s I’m going to say it’s machine me battles the pink robots. What song are you going to put on our playlist? Great bad movies, music on Spotify.
Joe: I feel like it’s probably Crimea River is.
Greg: I know that’s the one.
Joe: That that’s the one turned me.
Greg: Yeah.
Joe: Yeah. And homage to his past as he marches off into the future.
Greg: Yep, yep. I’m going to say, do you realize which was my last favorite song on that record, but is the one that has stuck with me the most since then? So do you realize you can find that on your Spotify playlist? Great bad movies? Music?
Joe: That’s right. I would say that at some point, a future conversation that won’t be anything to do with movies is because 2002, the album that came out that year, you’re amazing. I still stand by 1997 being the greatest year for music. Okay. In my lifetime.
Greg: Give us a couple of records from 97.
Joe: So we have okay computer. Sure. Coming we, I think we have pulp different class A lot of the British bands that I love. Yeah having amazing albums coming out and some really amazing stuff that’s happening here. I feel like there’s a missy Elliott album, both in 2002 and in 1997. That just kind of changes things. Yeah.
Joe: So I kind of put up that 1997 is the best year for music. Just kind of like if you look at the top 30 or 40 albums for that year, every single one is a banger.
Greg: It’s really interesting. And that’s right. When we were being done with tape and we were moving to ProTools.
Joe: That’s interesting. I will say 2002, I was pretty shocked at the quality of music because I would when I was looking for an album, I was like, I kind of want to go something the same year. Yeah. And it was like high quality.
Greg: Yeah. I scrolled by like 25 albums.
Joe:
Greg: That could have been.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Worth considering. Yeah. Yeah.
Joe: Or what were way better than this movie deserved quite frankly. Yeah.
Greg: All right Joe it is all come down to this moment.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: Our very last important question, the most important question. How do you rate the transporter. Do you give it a great bad movie rating. Do you go good bad movie. Okay. Bad movie, bad bad movie. Worst case scenario, we go awful bad movie. How do you rate the transporter?
Joe: I could be talked into a good bad movie. Even when I wrote up my notes I was like oh this is a good band movie. But yeah I can’t do it like every single time.
Greg: This is exactly my thought.
Joe: Yeah, it’s a great bad movie. It’s a.
Greg: Great bad.
Joe: Movie. I would not accept any other rating but good or great for this movie.
Greg: 100%.
Joe: So yeah.
Greg: That is exactly how I thought of this. I was like, it’s probably a good, bad movie. But you know what? I’m going great bad movie. Yeah.
Joe: Absolutely. Okay.
Greg: How many degrees of separation do you think we need to go for to get from 2002 is the transporter to the podcast Great Bad Movies, Joe.
Joe: Which is really how many degrees of separation from Dear Rouge?
Greg: Oh yeah. That could be one way that we get to it. Yeah.
Joe: That’s true. And that’s basically how do we get the private eyes for the TV show?
Greg: Oh, sure. Yeah, that would be a good thing. That could be how we get to it. Sure.
Joe: Get me. I mean, I’m just throwing up. Spitballing right here. Okay, okay. I’m going to go for four. Is my answer. Wow.
Greg: That’s it’s close. It is. I think it’s five.
Joe: Okay.
Greg: It might be six. I don’t I never know how many. It’s pretty close. All right. Well Jason Statham was in Fast and Furious Presents Hobbs and Shaw. That film also featured Eddie Marsan, Eddie Mars and costarred in Ray Donovan with, Dash Mohawk dash Mohawk appeared in the Canadian TV show called Private Eyes. You probably recognize him from season three, episode seven, Brew the Right Thing.
Joe: Obviously, and the.
Greg: Theme song of the show, Private Eyes, was performed by the band Deer Rouge, who also does the theme song for our.
Joe: Show.
Greg: Yeah, so I think that is six. I think we did it in six there.
Joe: Perfect.
Greg: All right. Joe well, I don’t not if you noticed, but we did it.
Joe: Yeah, I think we nailed this episode.
Greg: Yeah. That’s amazing.
Joe: We did have the conversation the movie had about the transporter.
Greg: You know, we gave you guys 23 years. You had your time. Yeah, but you know what? The grown ups in the room. What am I saying?
Joe: I’ve spoken. I’ve spoken. You’re welcome.
Greg: Listen, I do actually care quite a bit about the listeners of this podcast. So I think we should say, as always, spoilers for The Transporter.
Joe: Absolutely. And find us on Instagram at Great Bad Movie Show or. Yep, Spotify Grant bad movie show. Like us. Subscribe. It’s the best way to make sure that we keep doing this amazing podcast for you.
Greg: So if you listen to this someplace that was not a podcast app, find us on your favorite podcast app and, rate and review and follow the show. That’s the best way you can help us out.
Joe: Yeah. Please do.
Greg: Oh my gosh, Joe, I just realized this has been great, don’t get me wrong, but here comes the bad.
Joe: Yeah, I.
Greg: I really need to get these burglars away from this place they just robbed, and they seem very anxious and sweaty. And, also, there’s four of them, and so I need to tell them a couple rules and maybe inadvertently ask them to shoot one of their people and dump them out of the car. I mean, that tracks.
Joe: Yeah.
Greg: So I should.
Joe: Go. Yeah, I that that makes sense. I gotta run to. I, I’m late for my oil bath, so sorry. Okay.
Greg: I didn’t want to say anything, but it seemed like. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, that works for me, because I just realized we’ve been breaking rule to this entire time by using our real name. So I need to go change my name to something super French.
Joe: That that that makes sense. I’ve got to go fire Dave the oil guy. So I’m. Yeah.
Greg: That seems like it’s going to take a while. So by the time you get back, I will probably already be gone. Because every time a package is delivered to my house, you know what I look at it. And that’s a flagrant breaking of rule number three. And so I have so many things I need to box up and send back to Amazon.
Joe: Yeah, but I try.
Greg: All of my socks obviously.
Joe: Obviously all your socks. Anyway, I’ve got to go buy some soda and find a straw for the person locked in my trunk right now, sir.
Greg: Okay, that makes sense. And honestly, I’m looking out the window right now. The sun is setting out there, so that means it’s time for me to have my boat and change my shirt.
Joe: Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I hope that goes well. I’m. I’m wondering, though, if my kung fu lessons will pay off. I sure hope that no random fights break out without me.
Greg: Yeah. In France?
Joe: Yeah. In France.
Greg: Yeah, obviously. Well, that works for me because I’m suddenly really nervous at the passenger side door on my container truck.
Joe: Might be a little loose.
Greg: Yeah. Might be faulty. So I’m going to make sure it’s in good shape just in case someone kicks to the window while I’m driving.
Joe: Yeah. Check this. Probably check the seatbelt too on that.
Greg: I think that’s a good point. It’s a solid note. Thank you.
Joe: Yeah, that’s. Anyway, I’ve got I’ve got to go. I just broke all my personal rules and I need to go atone for all my mistakes.
Greg: Wow. Okay. Back out in very deep. Very.
Joe: Yeah. Very deep.
Greg: That works for me because I’m a little worried that people are going to break into my house someday. And so I’m going to go buy some barrels of oil for my house.
Joe: Just so.
Greg: That I can tip them over and make the bad guys slip. And side note I might also buy a bike for each room.
Joe: Now that’s probably good.
Greg: So I’m going to go perfect.
Joe: I’ve got to go jump out of a plane and land on the roof of a moving, truck. So, sir, you know, as you do.
Greg: Well, while you’re doing that, I’m going to go lose 40 pounds by fasting for 16 days so I can look exactly like Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20.
Joe:
Greg: We all have goals.
Joe: We all have goals. You know, I’ve got to go see my wig guy. We got something more appropriate stuff.
Greg: All right, well, that works for me, so I will see you soon.
Joe: See you soon.